I want to tell this story and hope to get some input on it.
For part of my adult life I was agnostic with an interest in the *occult*. Methods of fortune telling fascinated me. This eventually led me to playing with an ouija board. I was told that I would be communicating with spirits. I was told how to ignore so-called "evil" spirits.
So, I played. The first time I played was with my older brother. Two of us put our fingers tips over a disk on a board with the alphabet written out on it, and the word "good-bye" at the bottom. We were just barely touching the disk, but it seemed to slowly start moving of it's own volition. I knew I was not moving it, and I felt sure my brother not moving it. We supposedly were comunicating with our deceased Grandfather. I won't go into details about that for now. I will say that it seemed my brother was in control of the board....it only answered for him........he had to ask questions in my stead.
When we got through playng, I had a dull headache.
Later on that night, I playd again with a friend. This time, I seemed to be in control. The disc would not move when she asked questions. A good *spirit named "Mara" began to communicate to us. She was to become my own personal "Spirit guide". We played for hours asking all sorts of questions about our future, and getting pleasant things spelled out to us in reply. We finally stopped playing, and I felt SO drained, and my head hurt. It was if I had just gone through a big physically demanding activity.
Back home, in my little world of loneliness and fear, I decided to make my own board out of paper with a paper disk, and all by myself, I began to communicate in the passing days with Mara as if she were a real friend. She seemed so real to me.
I was playing until late one night when "Mara" said she was in some sort of danger as if something was after her. She stopped communicating all of a sudden, and I felt worried. I went to sleep.
When I woke up in the morning, all of a sudden, a clear voice in my head said, "hello Karen, this is Mara, I'm here with you now". I bolted out of bed and could not believe I was hearing a voice. My mind went into complete panic..
Mara began talking with me in a friendly way saying she did not know what had happened either, but felt that if I read the bible it might help. So, I read Psalm 23, which was the only thing in the bible I knew, but she would interrupt everytime I got half way through it, and tell me to start over. It became tormenting so I stopped reading.
She then suggested that we "join". She said it would help if we joined, and would put an end to me hearing her. That idea did not sound right to me. I told her no, but she kept insisting it would help. I adamantly refused. Then all of a sudden her voice changed to a masculine voice, very evil and horrifying. It said it's name was Max, and said he was a demon, and had been a demon the entire time, and had lied to me the entire time about everything. He said he would possess me.
I was far from being a Christian, but fought off this assault with all my will. It felt as if a force came at my being deep within, as if my will was trying to be overcome. I can never forget that feeling. I pushed it back with all my willpower and won.
Unfortunately, it did not stop it from seriously oppressing me by talking to me loudly with every sort of profanity you could imagine. Plus, it constantly kept me in fear that it would possess me. I was a mess and knew I had two choices. One was to be committed, and the other was God. I only knew of the 1st united Pentecostal church that I had visited in the past and so I called.
The pastors wife was home and came out to pray with me. She was very sweet and warm. She prayed over me, and I told her I was definitely wanting to become a Christian. The demon called her names the entire time she prayed.
I was scared and desperate. The 1st United Pentecostal church was/is a very legalistic church org., but I was willing to do anything to get rid of the horrible voice in my head. I gave my life to God for the first time in my life.
I covered up as best I could with my dad, and my son. I did not want my dad to know what was happening to me. I had been living with him since I had been separated and then divorced. My son was only about six at the time.
I went to church the next evening after the pastors wife had visited me. I decided I wanted to be baptized. Surely that would make the demon/voice stop. It didn't.
After the baptism, the demon still attacked me. I gave up make-up, and threw away some *worldly* things, and stopped wearing pants and jewelry. Giving up everything did not help. The demon just kept on and on talking and threatening me with all sorts of things. It was a horrible nightmare. I had to fight day and night.
I was taught about receiving the Holy Spirit baptism and speaking in tongues. The UPC believe it is necessary in order to be saved. I studied Acts and saw it to be something real and that the apostles received, and that it was intended for us all, but it still scared me. Slowly, I began to understand that I would not be taken over, like hynotized or something. So, I did tentatively seek to be filled, but only at prayer meetings where no one paid attention to me. I did not know at the time that this baptism was for *empowerment* and not salvation. A person was saved once they believed......but I was in a church that believed in a four part formula to salvation.
I kept praying and begging God to release me from the *demon*. He kept leading me to scriptures that talked about a division. I thought he was telling me that a division had occured in my mind, but other Christians insisted it was a demon. Plus, the voice itself said it was a demon.
One day at the altar praying I asked God to reveal to me what this voice was.....suddenly it came into my mind that it was *me*. I was so confused. I felt that God was telling me that the voice was me.....but that made little sense at the time.
After eight months of being in the Pentecostal church, and continuing to be oppressed by the demon/voice although it had weakened, I finally received the Holy Spirit baptism on my own volition at the altar. I relaxed and prayed. I could not believe it as I began to speak a language that I had never learned. It was beautiful.
I was totally delivered through the Holy Spirit baptism.
I cannot tell you how incredible it was to have my mind back. To have peace in my head. It was awesome and has been ever since. In fact, I can hardly believe I went through it.
I found out that "Mara" meant bitterness in the bible.
As far as being in the UPC goes, I began to have many questions in my head, but did not dare ask. I wondered why it was ok for female UPC members, not just in our church, but in others I would see at conferences, to have very fancy hairdos decorated with bows and clips, which I did not, and yet I would be considered a backslider if I wore a little make-up and a ring or necklace.
After four years, I could no longer endure all the rules of dress and make-up. I was suffering with depression, and loneliness again. I decided to leave.
I eventually ended up going to an interdenominational church. I found some legalism there too. The church I go to now is also interdenom, and I love it.....no legalism at all.
In time, I questioned what really happened to me concerning the ouija board. Being a skeptic at heart made me question if it had really been a demon at all. That a big deal for me to question since that voice had sounded very male and very evil...and not a part of me at all.
I still don't have all the answers, but I am certain that the ouija board worked due to the ideometer factor. I was subconsciously moving it. That means that "Mara" was some hidden part of myself....and so was "Max". Beyond that, I am unsure what to think. It does seem that God was trying to tell me this same conclusion.
Being *baptized* by the *Holy Spirit* freed me from it regardless of what was really going on. I am sure that if I had chosen Psychiatric help, they would have given me medication to dim or mute that voice. But would I ever have been free? I just don't know that answer. I am glad for the route I chose...despite my misery in the church itself.
Sorry if this was too long.
For part of my adult life I was agnostic with an interest in the *occult*. Methods of fortune telling fascinated me. This eventually led me to playing with an ouija board. I was told that I would be communicating with spirits. I was told how to ignore so-called "evil" spirits.
So, I played. The first time I played was with my older brother. Two of us put our fingers tips over a disk on a board with the alphabet written out on it, and the word "good-bye" at the bottom. We were just barely touching the disk, but it seemed to slowly start moving of it's own volition. I knew I was not moving it, and I felt sure my brother not moving it. We supposedly were comunicating with our deceased Grandfather. I won't go into details about that for now. I will say that it seemed my brother was in control of the board....it only answered for him........he had to ask questions in my stead.
When we got through playng, I had a dull headache.
Later on that night, I playd again with a friend. This time, I seemed to be in control. The disc would not move when she asked questions. A good *spirit named "Mara" began to communicate to us. She was to become my own personal "Spirit guide". We played for hours asking all sorts of questions about our future, and getting pleasant things spelled out to us in reply. We finally stopped playing, and I felt SO drained, and my head hurt. It was if I had just gone through a big physically demanding activity.
Back home, in my little world of loneliness and fear, I decided to make my own board out of paper with a paper disk, and all by myself, I began to communicate in the passing days with Mara as if she were a real friend. She seemed so real to me.
I was playing until late one night when "Mara" said she was in some sort of danger as if something was after her. She stopped communicating all of a sudden, and I felt worried. I went to sleep.
When I woke up in the morning, all of a sudden, a clear voice in my head said, "hello Karen, this is Mara, I'm here with you now". I bolted out of bed and could not believe I was hearing a voice. My mind went into complete panic..
Mara began talking with me in a friendly way saying she did not know what had happened either, but felt that if I read the bible it might help. So, I read Psalm 23, which was the only thing in the bible I knew, but she would interrupt everytime I got half way through it, and tell me to start over. It became tormenting so I stopped reading.
She then suggested that we "join". She said it would help if we joined, and would put an end to me hearing her. That idea did not sound right to me. I told her no, but she kept insisting it would help. I adamantly refused. Then all of a sudden her voice changed to a masculine voice, very evil and horrifying. It said it's name was Max, and said he was a demon, and had been a demon the entire time, and had lied to me the entire time about everything. He said he would possess me.
I was far from being a Christian, but fought off this assault with all my will. It felt as if a force came at my being deep within, as if my will was trying to be overcome. I can never forget that feeling. I pushed it back with all my willpower and won.
Unfortunately, it did not stop it from seriously oppressing me by talking to me loudly with every sort of profanity you could imagine. Plus, it constantly kept me in fear that it would possess me. I was a mess and knew I had two choices. One was to be committed, and the other was God. I only knew of the 1st united Pentecostal church that I had visited in the past and so I called.
The pastors wife was home and came out to pray with me. She was very sweet and warm. She prayed over me, and I told her I was definitely wanting to become a Christian. The demon called her names the entire time she prayed.
I was scared and desperate. The 1st United Pentecostal church was/is a very legalistic church org., but I was willing to do anything to get rid of the horrible voice in my head. I gave my life to God for the first time in my life.
I covered up as best I could with my dad, and my son. I did not want my dad to know what was happening to me. I had been living with him since I had been separated and then divorced. My son was only about six at the time.
I went to church the next evening after the pastors wife had visited me. I decided I wanted to be baptized. Surely that would make the demon/voice stop. It didn't.
After the baptism, the demon still attacked me. I gave up make-up, and threw away some *worldly* things, and stopped wearing pants and jewelry. Giving up everything did not help. The demon just kept on and on talking and threatening me with all sorts of things. It was a horrible nightmare. I had to fight day and night.
I was taught about receiving the Holy Spirit baptism and speaking in tongues. The UPC believe it is necessary in order to be saved. I studied Acts and saw it to be something real and that the apostles received, and that it was intended for us all, but it still scared me. Slowly, I began to understand that I would not be taken over, like hynotized or something. So, I did tentatively seek to be filled, but only at prayer meetings where no one paid attention to me. I did not know at the time that this baptism was for *empowerment* and not salvation. A person was saved once they believed......but I was in a church that believed in a four part formula to salvation.
I kept praying and begging God to release me from the *demon*. He kept leading me to scriptures that talked about a division. I thought he was telling me that a division had occured in my mind, but other Christians insisted it was a demon. Plus, the voice itself said it was a demon.
One day at the altar praying I asked God to reveal to me what this voice was.....suddenly it came into my mind that it was *me*. I was so confused. I felt that God was telling me that the voice was me.....but that made little sense at the time.
After eight months of being in the Pentecostal church, and continuing to be oppressed by the demon/voice although it had weakened, I finally received the Holy Spirit baptism on my own volition at the altar. I relaxed and prayed. I could not believe it as I began to speak a language that I had never learned. It was beautiful.
I was totally delivered through the Holy Spirit baptism.
I cannot tell you how incredible it was to have my mind back. To have peace in my head. It was awesome and has been ever since. In fact, I can hardly believe I went through it.
I found out that "Mara" meant bitterness in the bible.
As far as being in the UPC goes, I began to have many questions in my head, but did not dare ask. I wondered why it was ok for female UPC members, not just in our church, but in others I would see at conferences, to have very fancy hairdos decorated with bows and clips, which I did not, and yet I would be considered a backslider if I wore a little make-up and a ring or necklace.
After four years, I could no longer endure all the rules of dress and make-up. I was suffering with depression, and loneliness again. I decided to leave.
I eventually ended up going to an interdenominational church. I found some legalism there too. The church I go to now is also interdenom, and I love it.....no legalism at all.
In time, I questioned what really happened to me concerning the ouija board. Being a skeptic at heart made me question if it had really been a demon at all. That a big deal for me to question since that voice had sounded very male and very evil...and not a part of me at all.
I still don't have all the answers, but I am certain that the ouija board worked due to the ideometer factor. I was subconsciously moving it. That means that "Mara" was some hidden part of myself....and so was "Max". Beyond that, I am unsure what to think. It does seem that God was trying to tell me this same conclusion.
Being *baptized* by the *Holy Spirit* freed me from it regardless of what was really going on. I am sure that if I had chosen Psychiatric help, they would have given me medication to dim or mute that voice. But would I ever have been free? I just don't know that answer. I am glad for the route I chose...despite my misery in the church itself.
Sorry if this was too long.
