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Scientific Comedy

Leumas

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Very funny lecture
http://fora.tv/2009/11/08/Science_Laughs_Science_Comedian_Brian_Malow

Schrödinger’s Cat walks in a bar....and it doesn't

A neutrino walks in a bar and the bar man says we don't serve your kind here....it says...but I was just passing through.

A virus walks in a bar and the barman says we don't serve your kind here....the virus takes over and says now we do.

Two bacteria walk in a bar and the bar man says we do not serve your kind here...they say...but we work here...we're staff.


And more.....
 
Is this thread about the linked lecture, or just for posting science-themed jokes?

A photon walks into a bar and asks for a light beer.

An electron mopes into a bar muttering angrily. The barman asks, why so negative?

A barman tells a tachyon it's closing time, then the tachyon walks into the bar.
 
A Neutron walks into a Uranium Bar.

The bartender says, "we don't serve your kind here."

Then the Uranium Bar produces enough heat to power a small town for twenty years.
 
Seen on a toilet wall

Large red giant seeks small white dwarf for close binary relationship
 
Heisenberg is caught speeding.

"do you know how fast you went?," asks the officer.

"no, but I knew were I was," replies he

---
3 econometrists go hunting. they spot a deer. The first misses it one yard to the left, the second misses the deer one yard to the right. "Yes," exclaims the third:"we've got him.
 
An engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician check into rooms at a shabby hotel.

At midnight, the engineer wakes up smelling smoke. Running out into the hallway, he sees a small fire. Nearby he sees a bucket and a firehose.
He fills the bucket with water from the hose and dumps the water over the fire. The fire goes out. He goes back to bed.

At 1 am, the physicist wakes up smelling smoke. Running out into the hallway, he sees a small fire. Nearby he sees a bucket and a firehose.
He pulls out his pocket calculator and does several rapid calculations. Then he raises the firehose at a precise angle and turns it on and back off. Just enough water arcs from the hose to land onto the fire and put it out. He goes back to bed.

At 2 am, the mathematician wakes up smelling smoke. Running out into the hallway, he sees a small fire. Nearby he sees a bucket and a firehose.
The mathematician says "Aha! A solution exists!" and goes back to bed.
 
An engineer, a mathematician and a physicist are presented with a room where, on the other side, a beautiful woman was sitting. They were told that they were only allowed to approach her by half the remaining distance at a time. The mathematician said, "It's pointless, you'll never get there". The engineer said, "You can get close enough" and the physicist was in a happy, monogamous relationship and a bit disgusted by the objectification of the woman that the other two seemed to be demonstrating.
 
A engineer, chemist and economist are stranded on an island with one palm tree. A crate of tinned food washes up. They're elated, but they need a way of opening the cans. The engineer says he's figured out they can bend the palm tree back, release it, the cans will fly out and hit the ocean with enough force to bust open. That's no good; the food's 400 feet out in the water and gets eaten by sharks.

The chemist says he's figured out that the composition of the sand is such that if we bury the cans, the sand will corroded through and they can eat the contents. How long will that take? Two hundred years.

The economist says, "I have a solution." Great. What is it? "First, assume we have a can opener."
 
AvalonXQ said:
An engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician check into rooms at a shabby hotel.

At midnight, the engineer wakes up smelling smoke. Running out into the hallway, he sees a small fire. Nearby he sees a bucket and a firehose.
He fills the bucket with water from the hose and dumps the water over the fire. The fire goes out. He goes back to bed.

At 1 am, the physicist wakes up smelling smoke. Running out into the hallway, he sees a small fire. Nearby he sees a bucket and a firehose.
He pulls out his pocket calculator and does several rapid calculations. Then he raises the firehose at a precise angle and turns it on and back off. Just enough water arcs from the hose to land onto the fire and put it out. He goes back to bed.

At 2 am, the mathematician wakes up smelling smoke. Running out into the hallway, he sees a small fire. Nearby he sees a bucket and a firehose.
The mathematician says "Aha! A solution exists!" and goes back to bed.
Click to expand...

Or the mathematician wakes up the engineer and hands him the bucket, thereby reducing the problem to one already solved.

If you throw in a software engineer he would sit and watch the fire, to see if the problem fixes itself.
 
An astronomer, a physicist and a mathematician are on a train travelling across the Scotish countryside.

The astronomer points out the window and says, "Look, in Scotland sheep are black."

The physicist shakes his head and says, "No, no no. In Scotland some sheep are black."

The mathematician sighs in exasperation and says, "In Scotland there exists a field, in which exists a sheep, one side of which is black!"
 
Modified said:
Or the mathematician wakes up the engineer and hands him the bucket, thereby reducing the problem to one already solved.

If you throw in a software engineer he would sit and watch the fire, to see if the problem fixes itself.
Click to expand...

Throw in a politician, who will promise to put the fire out, start a commission to investigate the problem, and hope that everyone's forgotten about it by the time of the next election.

Or a more serious option: Throw in a chemist, and he would place the bucket upside-down over the fire to prevent further atmospheric oxygen reacting with the fuel.
 
Three statisticians are out hunting. They see a terrific 10 point buck just standing there in a clearing. The first statistician shoots and misses to the right. The second shoots and misses to the left. The third jumps up and shouts, "I hit him!"
 
I have a statistician friend who never used to fly, because he thought the odds of a bomb being on a plane were too high. One day I saw him waiting for a plane at the airport, and asked him why he'd changed his mind. "I haven't", he said, "but I figured out the odds of two bombs being on a plane, and they are acceptably low. So now, I carry my own bomb."
 
There are 10 kinds of people in the world. Those who know trinary, those who don't, and those who thought this was going to be a binary joke.
 
Last edited:
Various Proof's that all odd numbers greater than 1 are prime:

Mathematician: 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime. The rest follow by induction.
Chemist: 3 is prime. 5 is prime. 7 is prime. 9 is experimental error, 11 is prime ...
Physicist: 3 is prime. 5 is prime. 7 is prime. 9 is a good aproximation of a prime ...
Engineer: 3 is prime. 5 is prime. 7 is prime. 9 is prime ...


And more math silliness.

What is Yellow and equivalent to the Axiom of Choice? Zorn's Lemon.

What do you get if you cross an elephant and a grape? Elephant * Grape * sin(Theta).

What do you get if you cross an elephant with a mountain climber. You can't, the mountain climber is a scaler.
 
cwalner said:
Various Proof's that all odd numbers greater than 1 are prime:

Mathematician: 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime. The rest follow by induction.
Chemist: 3 is prime. 5 is prime. 7 is prime. 9 is experimental error, 11 is prime ...
Physicist: 3 is prime. 5 is prime. 7 is prime. 9 is a good approximation of a prime ...
Engineer: 3 is prime. 5 is prime. 7 is prime. 9 is prime ...
Click to expand...

Theologist: 3 is prime. From this we can conclude that all odd numbers are prime.

.........

I'm old enough that when I first heard the joke, one was considered prime.
 
AvalonXQ said:
An engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician check into rooms at a shabby hotel.

At midnight, the engineer wakes up smelling smoke. Running out into the hallway, he sees a small fire. Nearby he sees a bucket and a firehose.
He fills the bucket with water from the hose and dumps the water over the fire. The fire goes out. He goes back to bed.

At 1 am, the physicist wakes up smelling smoke. Running out into the hallway, he sees a small fire. Nearby he sees a bucket and a firehose. He pulls out his pocket calculator and does several rapid calculations. Then he raises the firehose at a precise angle and turns it on and back off. Just enough water arcs from the hose to land onto the fire and put it out. He goes back to bed.
At 2 am, the mathematician wakes up smelling smoke. Running out into the hallway, he sees a small fire. Nearby he sees a bucket and a firehose.
The mathematician says "Aha! A solution exists!" and goes back to bed.
Click to expand...



I object to this joke....the scenario with the physicist it is not realistic....

The most likely outcome with the physicist would have been that after doing all the calcs he would woke up the engineer to actually do all the work.

The engineer would have admired the efficiency of the calculations but would still use the bucket because governmental, local council, and labor union regulations and standards dictate that the bucket should be used.
 
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