Brainster
Penultimate Amazing
- Joined
- May 26, 2006
- Messages
- 21,944
Here are a couple of classics from our commenter Chad, both times replying to posts on the attempts to model the towers:
And the earlier one:
(Note: Minor language cleanup to avoid Rule 8 violations)
As you can probably tell, Chad has a real talent! I would have sworn nobody could parodize these guys, but he did!
That reminds me of the recent experiment I did to test the beam-weapon theory.
Taking my cues from Judy Wood herself, I constructed two towers out of a combination of Keebler's E.L. Fudge Sandwich Cookies (floor trusses), Vienna Fingers (core columns), and Wheatables Crackers (exterior columns).
I then stole my neighbors Heavy Duty Craftsman Wet/Dry Vac and re-wired it from "suck" to "blow". (Safety Note: If you are unfamiliar with the electrical workings of appliances like I am, make sure the equipment is not plugged into a power source. I received a nasty shock while converting the device and now suffer from a constant buzzing in my brain that suspiciously sounds like Dick Cheney humming "Old Man River".) I then duct-taped a funnel over the vaccuum hose to concentrate the "beam" of "energy" into a more focused stream.
I placed my confectionary towers out on the sidewalk and took my reconfigured beam weapon up to the roof of my apartment building to simulate the distance from space. (Editor's note: I found that roof access was strictly prohibited in my building complex. Undoubtedly, the building is owned and operated by the NWO who had gotten wind of my experiment and were trying to impede my progress. Ironically, the door was unlocked....) I then aimed the hose/funnel at the towers, and turned the vac on.
Approximately five and a half days later, the fudge in the floor trusses started to melt. Ignoring the fact that some annoying Jersey driver drove up onto the sidewalk and ran over my towers, thereby destroying them, I am positive that the buildings were about to instantaneously disintegrate into a fine, pulverized, crumb-like dust.
This is proof positive that a beam weapon was used.
And the earlier one:
That reminds me of the experiment I did do illustrate how the towers were brought down with demolition charges.
I made scale models of both towers using cardboard for the floors, popsicle sticks for the inner core, and toothpicks for the exterior columns. (I even used a straw to simulate the north tower's antenna.)
The plan was to use those little snappy things that pop when you throw them on the ground as the charges. I wired each floor with about 5 of these things using simple firecracker fuses.
The whole pre-demo process took me a good 4 to 5 months. So you can imagine my anger when, after carefully taking my exact wooden replica of the towers outside to detonate (mom said no explosions in the house, safety first), two freaking hummingbirds, laced with incendiary devices flew into each structure, knocking loose the charges and severing the fuses.
Each tower came down for some reason, but I'll be damned if I know why. I had the presence of mind to take temperature readings during the debacle and noted that the fire wasn't nearly hot enough to burn wood or cardboard. That added to the fact that the smoke was black, indicated that some invisible forcefield had surrounded the mock-up and the tiny flames were using up what little oxygen was left.
I timed each collapse and found that my buildings fell at approximately Mach 2.5. The only possible explanation for this is that I'm a retard and have no freaking clue what I'm doing.
(Note: Minor language cleanup to avoid Rule 8 violations)
As you can probably tell, Chad has a real talent! I would have sworn nobody could parodize these guys, but he did!

