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Best Comeback Ever

vIQleS

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vIQleS
Joined
Dec 14, 2005
Messages
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I was talking to an acquantance of mine the other day and she was about to use some 'rescue remedy' (we were taking a test).

I made some comment about how it was some sort of quack medicine (I think I said that she should talk to someone else in the club who's also into "wacko 'remedies'")

She said "I'm a naturopath - so I believe in that sort of thing" to which I replied

"I'm a scientist - I don't have to believe in anything - it just works."

Zing!
 
Tragically, I heard an alternate version your comeback used recently by someone defending the Telephone to the Dead stuff (ghost box, evps, etc). To summarize:

Wooist: The spirits don't even need to use the microphone on the digital recorder: they can directly change the bits on the storage medium.

Me: Even assuming ghosts were making these sounds, the amount of technical knowledge and technique needed to manually change those bits to represent a valid sound is enormous. How could the departed possibly be able to do that?

Wooist: Oh, just like I can use a microphone and not know how the recorder works, the ghost can change the bits and not know how it works. It just works!
 
Some background:

My father never liked computers.; It was probably a function of the Alzheimer's symptoms he was starting to display right about the time the PC revolution hit. Otherwise, he probably would have gotten into it big time, as he'd always been an electronics hobbyist when I was a kid (anyone remember Heathkits?).

Anyway, my sister and I gave my parents a desktop PC, and he was immediately suspicious of it - thought people would be able to access his bank records on it through the phone lines, even though they weren't hooked up to the internet at the time (mid-1990's), and didn't even want to sit down in front of the thing with me to look at what we could do with it.

My father died in February 2005. A few weeks later, my mom claims, she was awoken one night to the sounds of the "Dawn" movement from Edvard Grieg's Peer Gynnt Suite. Seems that somehow, the music was coming from her computer.

Mom is convinced, to this day, that Dad was trying to communicate with her, because, "That was always one of his favorite pieces of music." Frankly, I doubt that; I'm sure he knew the piece and liked it, but it was certainly not in his top ten, maybe not even in his top fifty.

"Mom," I asked, "Dad couldn't stand that computer, had no idea how it worked, didn't want to go near it. Now you're telling me he's figured out how to send music to you through it from beyond the grave? If he could do that, why didn't he just make the computer say, 'Hello there,' in his own voice?"

Yeah, my mom's a woo sometimes...
 
^ People in grief are often vulnerable to wooist ideas. Just love the poor dear!*

(* - I know you will anyway.)
 
BPSCG said:
Some background:

My father never liked computers.; It was probably a function of the Alzheimer's symptoms he was starting to display right about the time the PC revolution hit. Otherwise, he probably would have gotten into it big time, as he'd always been an electronics hobbyist when I was a kid (anyone remember Heathkits?).
Click to expand...

Nuts, I built a good many of them in high school. Good times.
 
Nicely done, but it doesn't quite beat the real best comeback ever.

Lady Nancy Astor to Winston Churchill: Winston, if you were my husband, I'd put arsenic in your morning coffee.
Churchill: Madam, if you were my wife, I'd drink it.
 
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Coveredinbeeees said:
Nicely done, but it doesn't quite beat the real best comeback ever.

Lady Nancy Astor to Winston Churchill: Winston, if you were my husband, I'd put arsenic in your morning coffee.
Churchill: Madam, if you were my wife, I'd drink it.
Click to expand...

That's a whopper! Someone should publish a book of these things.

-PbFoot
 
Denver said:
Wooist: Oh, just like I can use a microphone and not know how the recorder works, the ghost can change the bits and not know how it works. It just works!
Click to expand...

Find a ghost that can help me when my 'Vista' crashes. I'd pay money for that... :p
 
Coveredinbeeees said:
Nicely done, but it doesn't quite beat the real best comeback ever.

Lady Nancy Astor to Winston Churchill: Winston, if you were my husband, I'd put arsenic in your morning coffee.
Churchill: Madam, if you were my wife, I'd drink it.
Click to expand...

I love that one. :D

Possibly the second best:

"The truckman, the trashman and the policeman on the block may call me Alice but you [Joseph McCarthy] may not." Alice Roosevelt Longworth.
 
No the best comeback ever is this one
Scene. Lawyer cross examining a police officer.
Lawyer - Do you keep your locker at work locked?
Police officer - Yes
Lawyer - Is that because you do not trust your police officers?
Police officer - No, I will trust my colleagues with my life, however we get lawyers in the place and I would not trust any of them with anything.

The original is slightly longer and better.
 
Surly Drunk in a Bar: "It would take a good man to whip me!"

His Wife: "Yes, but it wouldn't take him long."
 
Coveredinbeeees said:
Nicely done, but it doesn't quite beat the real best comeback ever.

Lady Nancy Astor to Winston Churchill: Winston, if you were my husband, I'd put arsenic in your morning coffee.
Churchill: Madam, if you were my wife, I'd drink it.
Click to expand...


This has nothing to do with this forum, but another one I've heard from those two:


Lady Astor (disgustedly): Mr. Churchill, you're drunk!

Churchill: And you're ugly. But tomorrow, I'll be sober.


They seem to have had quite a history.
 
Tumblehome said:
This has nothing to do with this forum, but another one I've heard from those two:


Lady Astor (disgustedly): Mr. Churchill, you're drunk!

Churchill: And you're ugly. But tomorrow, I'll be sober.


They seem to have had quite a history.
Click to expand...

The best of those is totally apocryphal, sometimes told about Churchill and sometimes about GB Shaw.....

Subject male, quite sloshed and returning from the restroom to the reception...

Ladywhoosit: Sir George (Sir Winston), you're a disgrace! You're penis is sticking out!

Sir Winston(Sir George): (looking down and giving himself the once over) Don't flatter yourself madam, it's only hanging out.
 
Mmm, entirely anecdotical, probably fictional:

Actor one: I had my audience glued to the seats during the second act.

Actor two: How clever of you to think of that.

Real anecdote:

As the schooner America crossed the goal line in what was to become the America's Cup yacht race, queen Victoria asked "But, where is number two?"
The chairman of the British Yacht Association (I need to look up the name), answered sadly: "Madam, there is no number two."

Hans
 
Reportedly Richard Nixon (then a senator) spotted Groucho Marx at a reception.
Nixon walked up to him and said: So you're a comedian. Tell me a joke'.
Groucho retorted: 'So, you're politician. Tell me a lie'.
 
Supposedly true and deliciously catty gossip from the forties.

At a bond rally in Madison Square Garden, Ethyl Barrymore did a recital of Lady Macbeth's "Out, damn spot!" soliloquy, and was walking off to rousing applause when the announcer introduced Ester Williams, who'd been thrown into the mix by her Hollywood publicists.

Out of the corner of her mouth, Barrymore is supposed to have said,

"Go ahead, honey. Swim something for us".
 
The title of a booklet of snappy comebacks:

Yea, I got PMS.
What is your excuse for acting like an idiot.
 
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