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zen

Hokulele said:
"[There is stress] 'From worrying about tourists burning down this firetrap of a temple. From worrying about trying to get enough funding from businessmen to keep it in repair. From arguing with my wife and children, who are not as holy' – he smiled – 'as I am. And from despairing over the quality of the lazy young fools who want to be priests nowadays. Sometimes I think I would like to get a little place in Hawaii and just play golf for the rest of my life.'

The Zen master continued, 'It was this way before I was enlightened, you know. And now it is the same after enlightenment.'" - It Was On Fire When I Lay Down On It - Robert Fulgham​
Click to expand...

"Ten fussy days running this temple all red tape
Look me up if you want to in the bar whorehouse fishmarket"
Ikkyu

:D
 
When do we get to the part where Kwai Chang Caine finally gets pissed off and kicks the evil cowboys' butts? That's my favorite part of zen.
 
Would you please teach me the Dharma?

Long ago, Bodhidharma sat in Sorim. One day Hui-Ko came to Sorim and asked him,
“Would you please teach me the Dharma?”
Bodhidharma said, “Would you believe me?”
Hui-Ko answered, “Yes.”
“What proof do you have of this?”
“How can I prove this?
“Cut off your hand and give it to me.”
Hui-Ko cut his left hand off, which was very painful. He said, “My mind hurts very much.
Please give me a healthy mind.”
“Bring me this pain in the mind.”
“I can’t see or hold my mind, so I can’t give it to you.”
“Then put it down.”
Like lightning, Hui-Ko attained Satori.
Hui-Ko became the second Chinese patriarch and the twenty-ninth in line from Buddha.
 
nowornever said:
Long ago, Bodhidharma sat in Sorim. One day Hui-Ko came to Sorim and asked him,
“Would you please teach me the Dharma?”
Bodhidharma said, “Would you believe me?”
Hui-Ko answered, “Yes.”
“What proof do you have of this?”
“How can I prove this?
“Cut off your hand and give it to me.”
Hui-Ko cut his left hand off, which was very painful. He said, “My mind hurts very much.
Please give me a healthy mind.”
“Bring me this pain in the mind.”
“I can’t see or hold my mind, so I can’t give it to you.”
“Then put it down.”
Like lightning, Hui-Ko attained Satori.
Hui-Ko became the second Chinese patriarch and the twenty-ninth in line from Buddha.
Click to expand...
Nak-si.
 
nowornever said:
Long ago, Bodhidharma sat in Sorim. One day Hui-Ko came to Sorim and asked him,
“Would you please teach me the Dharma?”
Bodhidharma said, “Would you believe me?”
Hui-Ko answered, “Yes.”
“What proof do you have of this?”
“How can I prove this?
“Cut off your hand and give it to me.”
Hui-Ko cut his left hand off, which was very painful. He said, “My mind hurts very much.
Please give me a healthy mind.”
“Bring me this pain in the mind.”
“I can’t see or hold my mind, so I can’t give it to you.”
“Then put it down.”
Like lightning, Hui-Ko attained Satori.
Hui-Ko became the second Chinese patriarch and the twenty-ninth in line from Buddha.
Click to expand...



I see..... I get it now.

Well..... Luckily I do not need to learn anymore because fortunately enough I attained Satori this morning after I put down quite a load and subsequently flushed it down the loo.

All was thanks to a good cup of coffee and a bowl of cereal. I am so glad that Wall Mart had all the wisdom I needed without having to cut any body parts off.... their prices are quite reasonable.
 
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Watch your step!

crimresearch-you are a parrot. You are a gramophone.

Long ago, Zen Master Hui-Ko went to the house of a student, who was incurably sick.
The student asked the Zen Master, “In my past lives, I have accumulated much bad karma,
and so am now very sick. I am suffering greatly. I wish this karma would disappear, that you
would teach me the way of repentance, and that I may live.”
The Zen Master said to him, “Is that so? Now, bring this karma here. I must make it
disappear.”
After a few minutes, the student said, “I have searched for the karma, but cannot find it.
How can I become well?”
“It is your karma that you cannot find it. I have just made it disappear.”
At this moment, the student understood both karma-nature and Buddha-nature. So, he
became the third Chinese patriarch, Seng-ts’an.
 
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Before he became a hermit, Zaruthud was a young priest, and took great delight in making fools of his opponents in front of his followers. One day Zarathud took his students to a pleasant pasture and there he confronted the Sacred Chao while She was contently grazing.

"Tell me, you dumb beast," demanded the Priest in his commanding voice, "why don't you do something worthwhile. What is your Purpose in life, anyway?"

Munching the tasty grass, the Sacred Chao replied "MU".

Upon hearing this, absolutely nobody was enlightened. Primarily because no one could understand Chinese.
 
egg

Resume said:
I thought he was the Eggman.
Click to expand...

One day long ago, Seung Sahn Soen Sa gave a speech to all his students.
“An egg is placed into a small-necked bottle, and kept warm. After twenty days, the egg
hatches and a small chick come out. Food is passed through the neck of the flask, and the
chick grows each day, bigger and bigger, until it is full-grown. At this point, the neck of the
jar is much too small for the chicken to get out.”
“How can you get him out without either breaking the jar or killing the chicken?”
 
nowornever said:
One day long ago, Seung Sahn Soen Sa gave a speech to all his students.
“An egg is placed into a small-necked bottle, and kept warm. After twenty days, the egg
hatches and a small chick come out. Food is passed through the neck of the flask, and the
chick grows each day, bigger and bigger, until it is full-grown. At this point, the neck of the
jar is much too small for the chicken to get out.”
“How can you get him out without either breaking the jar or killing the chicken?”
Click to expand...

Don't put the egg in the jar in the first place.
 
nowornever said:
One day long ago, Seung Sahn Soen Sa gave a speech to all his students.
“An egg is placed into a small-necked bottle, and kept warm. After twenty days, the egg
hatches and a small chick come out. Food is passed through the neck of the flask, and the
chick grows each day, bigger and bigger, until it is full-grown. At this point, the neck of the
jar is much too small for the chicken to get out.”
“How can you get him out without either breaking the jar or killing the chicken?”
Click to expand...

Successful troll is successful. I'll play along. I bet that this Sing Song Sung So didn't know the answer, and I bet that you don't. I would use a jar with a zipper.
 
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