Uh, yeah. I'd keep the safe word around if I were you. Legally speaking, it isn't possible to "waive your right to withdraw consent."
I was wondering who'd say the frist bit--it's a very common misconception. That said, you really need to consider the practical side of things here. How, precisely, will a safe word help if you can't speak? Remember, gags are extremely common toys in BDSM. Smothering (ie, having your face covered by something, usually a body part) is also common. In either case you're not exactly going to be able to say a safe word, or at least not say one in such a way that someone else can hear it or comprehend it. And that's not the only situation. BDSM is intense, and can leave you breathless, quite literally. You can have trouble speaking, for various reasons, without having something in your mouth (sensation play doesn't have to be painful; if someone ties you down and tickles you for a while, it can be hard to say anything, for example). And what if the other person isn't in the room? The misconception that safe words are the only thing you need is very, very dangerous.
Safe words are imporatnt, yes. However, it's niave to think they are sufficient. Situations can arise where safe words are not possible. If you know of no other ways to convey that your limits have been crossed, you have no business considering consentual nonconsent. You need to think through what the scene will require, and the necessary safety precautions, in a coldly rational manner that's rather alien to the way most people consider sex. When engaging in BDSM one needs to have a system for dealing with problems (it's risky, after all)--and the single most important thing is communication. Not just safe words, but having a relationship with each other that allows you to let your partner know what you're thinking/feeling even if you can't speak.
As for the legality, it's irrelevant. This simply isn't a matter of law. In practical terms, one CAN waive one's right to withdraw consent--it happens more often than you think. If you wish to press charges, feel free to find someone willing to press charges. In most cases I've encountered, the person who withdrew consent considered the event a positive thing. And again, if someone says "This happened to me, and it was
great! We're doing it again next week!" I think that calling it rape is an insult to those who are actually victims of rape.
Anyone who does not understand this runs a very real risk of breaking the law.
You apparently completely ignored every part of my comment where I stressed the importance of pre-scene discussion. If you simply jump the other person without discussing it, yeah, it's rape. If you work out the details for weeks prior to it, not so much--at that point, nine times out of ten you are literally asking for it (and I mean explicitely, often in the form "Okay, so here's how I imagine my rape...").
Beth said:
What do you think would be an appropriate consequence for such behavior?
It certainly wouldn't be inappropriate to call what happened rape--if he had to say "Be nice" in that manner, he's obviously accepting that his actions are wrong. He KNEW you didn't consent.
As for the professor example, there's something called the "reasonable man standard" or "reasonable person standard", depending on when the statue you're reading was written. Basically, it means that we can assume a reasonable person, raised in our society, would be able to interpret certain cues. Merely wearing tight tops and short skirts isn't tacite consent, and no reasonable person would consider it such. If you walk in wearing a teddy and a smile, yeah, that's different--at the very least, it wouldn't be unreasonable for him to misinterpret the situation. But if the student is wearing normal clothing, and doing normal student things (ie, not sitting on his lap and dry-humping him, stuff like that), no reasonable person would assume that she was trying to convince him to sleep with her. Merely saying what he said is sexual assualt. Forcing her to act on it is clearly wrong; whether we want to call it rape or not is irrelevant to me, the important part is that he violated her rights.
Non-legal consequences? I'd be happy to see him starving in the street, with no business willing to sell him anything and his career completely ruined. Remember, it's not libel or slander if it's true. Personally I'd be happy with castration via blunt instrument, but I acknowledge that vigelanty justice has some serious problems. Still, completely cutting him out of your life, and making sure everyone else you know does the same, is entirely appropriate, as is ruining his professional life. The only thing to worry about is making sure you don't sacrifice your own life to destroy his.
