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Suckifying rays

Tricky

Briefly immortal
Tricky
Joined
Nov 24, 2001
Messages
43,750
Location
The Group W Bench
My wife kills wristwatches. Cheap or pricey, mechanical or digital, if you put a wristwatch on her wrist, it will stop working within months, sometimes weeks.

At my company there are a few computer users who always seem to be having trouble with their machines. Some are computer savvy, some are ID-ten-Ts. But their computers break much more frequently than in the general populace.

My brother's car always breaks down. He's a decent mechanic and performs regular maintenance on his car, but bizarre things happen to any car he is driving.

What do these people have in common? I'll tell you what. Suckifying rays. These are an undetectable (so far) energy field (I'll bet it's quantum) that causes certain types of machinery to malfunction. Apparently the wavelength of the suckifying rays determines which types of machines will be affected. Ultrasuckifying rays affect wristwatches. Infrasuckifying rays affect automobiles.

You may say that there is no evidence for these rays, but I'll bet you all know at least one person who emits them. The anecdotal evidence (which is real evidence, as Ian or HypnoPsi will assure you) is overwhelming. There can be no other explanation.

Problem is, you can't run a test of suckifying rays so that some humble arthropodic superhero could win Randi's million, because their suckifying rays bugger up the test. Alas.
 
I used to be a watch-killer, too. Then I bought a decent watch. Hmmm .. I also stopped pruning trees and repairing old cars (moved away from the trees and bought a decent car, too).

My brother's car always breaks down. He's a decent mechanic and performs regular maintenance on his car, but bizarre things happen to any car he is driving.
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One of my friends had exactly that problem. He also claimed he was a decent mechanic ;).

Hans
 
bridgy said:
Mine too!!
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Tricky's wife kills your watches too?

I know someone with an analog to suckifying rays, called "uglifying" rays. My wife's friend swears her clothes "uglify" a few weeks to a few months after she buys them. She says they looked great when she bought them, but after a while, they just uglify. No explanation.
 
We have one amongst our very midst.

Our friend Rat is a serial hard drive killer.
He probably has more hard drives the the Met Office, but only half of them are working due to his evil suckifyingness.
 
Psi Baba said:
Tricky's wife kills your watches too?

I know someone with an analog to suckifying rays, called "uglifying" rays. My wife's friend swears her clothes "uglify" a few weeks to a few months after she buys them. She says they looked great when she bought them, but after a while, they just uglify. No explanation.
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Hmmm, does this result in her having to buy new clothes to replace the uglified ones??
 
What's the opposite of suckifying rays? 'Coz I've got them, at least with computers. All I have to do is walk in the room and the complaining person's computer starts working again. I can't tell you how many times I've heard "I swear it wasn't working five minutes ago." I can only attribute it[1] to the fact that, years ago, I beat the snot out of a hard drive in full view of my computer and it must have told every other computer on the planet through my modem connection.;)

[1] Actually, I attribute it to the lusers paying attention to what they're doing when they know I'm watching them. But I don't tell them that. The appearance of magic can have beneficial side effects.
 
Psi Baba said:
I know someone with an analog to suckifying rays, called "uglifying" rays. My wife's friend swears her clothes "uglify" a few weeks to a few months after she buys them. She says they looked great when she bought them, but after a while, they just uglify. No explanation.
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This happens to my wife's shoes.
 
I used to kill watches on a regular basis. Mine were sometimes totally smashed in as well!

I'm sure it had nothing to do with working on a farm, falling off horses, getting kicked and stepped on, having tools and lumber fall on me etc. I used to wonder what it was, but I see now it was suckifying rays! :eek: Thanks for that insight!

I have a really terrific watch now but I don't wear it except when I go out, and it has lasted for 3 years so far! Take your wife out more, that might help the suckifying rays. It worked for me!!!
 
I knew a watch killer once. She said it was a medical conditon something about her sweat.
 
I used to have this problem too, until I bought a good watch. Then my good watch stopped working, and I stopped buying watches.
 
Tricky said:
My wife kills wristwatches. Cheap or pricey, mechanical or digital, if you put a wristwatch on her wrist, it will stop working within months, sometimes weeks.

At my company there are a few computer users who always seem to be having trouble with their machines. Some are computer savvy, some are ID-ten-Ts. But their computers break much more frequently than in the general populace.

My brother's car always breaks down. He's a decent mechanic and performs regular maintenance on his car, but bizarre things happen to any car he is driving.

What do these people have in common? I'll tell you what. Suckifying rays. These are an undetectable (so far) energy field (I'll bet it's quantum) that causes certain types of machinery to malfunction. Apparently the wavelength of the suckifying rays determines which types of machines will be affected. Ultrasuckifying rays affect wristwatches. Infrasuckifying rays affect automobiles.

You may say that there is no evidence for these rays, but I'll bet you all know at least one person who emits them. The anecdotal evidence (which is real evidence, as Ian or HypnoPsi will assure you) is overwhelming. There can be no other explanation.

Problem is, you can't run a test of suckifying rays so that some humble arthropodic superhero could win Randi's million, because their suckifying rays bugger up the test. Alas.
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Dude, I know the real problem. And for a nominal fee, I can help these people. The real problem is "gremlins", otherwise known as Blue Fairies On The Moon.

I've been trying to raise awareness of Blue Fairies for years.
 
Your wife is not alone: More Illumination on SLI

I once had a girlfriend whose best friend couldn't wear a watch or use credit cards. She was ALWAYS setting off car alarms, home alarms, garage doors, etc. She got to the point where she couldn't even go shopping in a grocery store because when she went to check out, the amount owed for a gallon of milk and some crackers would be $28,837.33 or some ridiculous amount, and every other cash register in the store would start malfunctioning like crazy!
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Word is getting around about this topic:

A discussion on another site has prompted me to post this.
We have discovered that several of the "gifted" people on the site have a couple of physical characteristics in common. Would like to know if anyone here has the same.
1. Unable to wear wrist watches. They either run slow or just completely stop, no matter what type of watch it is.
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wrist watches never work ... just stop.. and the bands break.. within the first 24 hours of me putting one on no matter how cheap or expensive they are....
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Oh my gosh...that is so weird..I cant have expensive watches because they all end up stopping-I htought I was just hard on them
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go through watches and watch batteries like mad. I have shopped for cheap and shopped for expensive and it doesn't matter. So I have basically given up on wristwatches.
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I go through watches like water. I have bought both cheapies and expensive ones and they both quit the same, so I just stick with the cheaper ones now.
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Source

I think Congress needs to grant some research money to look into this.
 
I'm fond of Fairies myself, both as literary objects and as childhood toys. Blue fairies are especially lovely. I think it's clear that Blue Fairies from the moon are messing up my watches.
 
Tricky said:
My wife claims this too. She swears she has 'acid sweat' or some such thing. But since it doesn't affect her clothes, I know it must be SRs.
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Would this explain why even brand new guitar strings cover in an inch of rust overnight after I've been playing it?

God DAMN these SRs!
 
3point14 said:
Hmmm, does this result in her having to buy new clothes to replace the uglified ones??
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Naturally which is why for decades the women of the world have been secretly supressing deuglification technology and uglifer-resistant fabrics.
 
tsg said:
What's the opposite of suckifying rays? 'Coz I've got them, at least with computers. All I have to do is walk in the room and the complaining person's computer starts working again. I can't tell you how many times I've heard "I swear it wasn't working five minutes ago." I can only attribute it[1] to the fact that, years ago, I beat the snot out of a hard drive in full view of my computer and it must have told every other computer on the planet through my modem connection.;)

[1] Actually, I attribute it to the lusers paying attention to what they're doing when they know I'm watching them. But I don't tell them that. The appearance of magic can have beneficial side effects.
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That's a known phenomenon called TPS (Technician Present Syndrome)
 
Psi Baba said:
Tricky's wife kills your watches too?

I know someone with an analog to suckifying rays, called "uglifying" rays. My wife's friend swears her clothes "uglify" a few weeks to a few months after she buys them. She says they looked great when she bought them, but after a while, they just uglify. No explanation.
Click to expand...

My theory is, the "uglifying" of clothing is often affected by the magnetic pull that all of our favorite outfits exhibit towards any sort of mud, food left-overs, tomate sauce, blood and fecal matter.
 
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