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Rewrite the 10 commandments

People will go back and forth between religions until they take "matter" into their own minds.
 
I don't know of any adults with missing linbs let alone a child like that, so who would I direcet my prayer for?
I do pray in general terms for the all the people of the world.
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You're dodging the question.
 
roger said:
Assume you are God
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Done.

roger said:
...you need to write 10 commandments for people to follow...What would your list be?
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NOTE: For my commandments I have imagined a religion that bares certain similarities to another that is very popular in these forums.

1. The following commandments are copyright and cannot be reproduced without the express written permission of me (God) and/or the current Leader.

2. You are licensing these commandments for personal use only. It is expressly forbidden to copy, share, distribute, show or otherwise broadcast, save and/or reproduce these commandments using any medium what-so-ever, including but not limited to all future means of doing so.

3. You are required to pay a monthly recurring fee for the use of these commandments. Failure to pay will result in the addition of one new commandment per month. Each new commandment will be increasingly harsh, until ultimately you will die by failing to comply with these commandments.

3a. It is expressly forbidden to find it odd that I (God) have a bank account, or that I also accept Visa, Mastercard and Amex.

4. Your death does not release you and/or your descendants from their obligations to pay for, follow and otherwise live by these commandments.

5. You have no moral obligations towards those who don't subscribe to these commandments.

6. You are required to track down, brow-beat, and ultimately assimilate everyone who doesn't currently follow these commandments.

7. You are not morally obliged to sleep with the leader of this religion, sign over your entire life-savings to him/her, or otherwise put yourself at risk for his/her benefit.

8. Never-the-less, you better do it anyway.

9. You are morally obliged to taunt John Sweeney until he explodes. Not because we have any particular beef with him, but because your God finds it amusing.

10. Any errors, omissions, historical inaccuracies and/or contradictions in these commandments is a sign of your lack of faith and does not reflect badly in any way on me (God), your leader, or this Church.
 
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roger said:
1. Don't kill, except in self defense.
2. Their ain't no countries, so no fighting over borders
3. No praying. Think for yourself.
4. Take responsibility for yourself and your family
5. Don't treat people differently due to race, sex, religion, beliefs, thoughts.
6. I say any behavior is okay between two consenting adults. You don't get to second guess that.
7. Don't steal.
8. Don't lie.
9. Try to leave the world a better place than you found it.
10. Try to like each other. You are all that you've got.
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Ahh, ancient thread revival day. For serious, I vote for the above, but some ogfthe others are funnier.

Hans
 
The 10 Corrections:

Author's note: Over the years the message in my original commandments was somehow lost in translation. And of course, as an enthusiastic empiricist I've had to rethink some of the originals.

  1. Stop calling me Jehovah. I've always hated that name. My mother gets away with it. You don't
  2. If craven images float your boat – knock yourself out. I couldn't care less.
  3. Thou shall not take my name in vein (unless thou stubbest thy toe or hit thy thumb with a hammer)
  4. Remembering the Sabbath is all very well, but I wish UK politicians would grow a pair and allow supermarkets to open for as long as they like on Sundays
  5. I merely observed that women often commit adultery when they get stoned. I never told anybody to stone a woman who committed adultery. You can't blame me for that
  6. Thou shall upgrade to Windows 7
  7. Thou shall not murder (unless thou can afford to hire Johnnie Cochran)
  8. Thou shall covet thy neighbour's ass if she's hot. After all, thou is only human
  9. Thou shouldst feel free to blame it on sunshine, moonlight and good times. It's unfair to restrict one's blame to the boogie
  10. I've never really had a problem with gays. No idea where that one came from. Not only are some of my best friends gay - I never miss an episode of Gok's Fashion Fix
Disclaimer: I never wrote #6! My Word Processor moves in mysterious ways, and put that in there by itself. Now it won't let me delete it. Apparently by installing Microsoft Office I have automatically agreed to limit my own omnipotence where it conflicts with the interests of Microsoft Corporation.
 
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megaresp said:
The 10 Corrections:

Author's note: Over the years the message in my original commandments was somehow lost in translation. And of course, as an enthusiastic empiricist I've had to rethink some of the originals.
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Stop calling me Jehovah. I've always hated that name. My mother gets away with it. You don't
Check. Mind if I call you Frank?
If craven images float your boat – knock yourself out. I couldn't care less.
That's graven image ... please forward a correction to the correction ...
Thou shall not take my name in vein (unless thou stubbest thy toe or hit thy thumb with a hammer)
Check
Remembering the Sabbath is all very well, but I wish UK politicians would grow a pair and allow supermarkets to open for as long as they like on Sundays
In America, we took care of that a while back.
I merely observed that women often commit adultery when they get stoned. I never told anybody to stone a woman who committed adultery. You can't blame me for that
Check
Thou shall upgrade to Windows 7
Not so good. Apple users need not be punished for Bill Gates' sins (I am not an Apple user)
Thou shall not murder (unless thou can afford to hire Johnnie Cochran)
Check, even though he's dead.
Thou shall covet thy neighbour's ass if she's hot. After all, thou is only human
Check
Thou shouldst feel free to blame it on sunshine, moonlight and good times. It's unfair to restrict one's blame to the boogie
Check
I've never really had a problem with gays. No idea where that one came from. Not only are some of my best friends gay - I never miss an episode of Gok's Fashion Fix

Missed the ref, sorry. :(
Disclaimer: I never wrote #6! My Word Processor moves in mysterious ways, and put that in there by itself. Now it won't let me delete it. Apparently by installing Microsoft Office I have automatically agreed to limit my own omnipotence where it conflicts with the interests of Microsoft Corporation.
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:D

Bill Gates = The Antichrist might be the foundation of a new religion ... wait, Apple already exists. :cool:
 
Darth Rotor said:
If craven images float your boat – knock yourself out. I couldn't care less.
That's graven image ... please forward a correction to the correction ...
Thou shall not take my name in vein (unless thou stubbest thy toe or hit thy thumb with a hammer)
Check
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You're going to correct craven/graven and not correct vein/vane?
 
The commandments rewritten to match behaviors, not words.

1; Obey my authority figures; hate on the other guy's authority figures. Don't let me catch you praying to no heathen idol, unless it's MY heathen idol. Sometimes my authority figures will give conflicting orders. That means you have to randomly pick which one is right and start a new sect. You'll know you guessed wrong when they pass around the poison flavor-aid.

2; If you find someone who isn't just like you, hate them. Kill them if you can. That goes for any other groups you may have previously split from too.

3; The church needs money. Those gold altarpieces aren't going to buy themselves, and neither are senators. A religion without gold altarpieces and a collection of senators bought and paid for is a cult, and we wouldn't want to give the wrong impression.

4; You are created in my image, a true son of god. That means your body is unclean, and your instincts are evil. You just can't help it; I made you this way. Either act properly guilty about it, or I'll give you to the other guy. He'll take you to his own personal Guantanamo and get medieval on your ass, see if I care.

5; I like to keep you guessing, so I made my holy book self contradictory. Still, if you don't get the meaning just right, I'll make sure you regret it. There was a guy once, my son actually, who came down to tell ya'all how it's done. I let them nail him to a post, then disappeared the corpse, so ya'all could ignore the message and start a cult of personality.

6; Independent thinking is bad, mmmkay? Change is bad. Ideas are bad. Think too much, and it's red hot tongs and thumbscrews for you, heretic.

7; You're bad. You were born bad, because of something someone did a long time ago, that you had no control over. I love you so much that I have to remind you of this. All the time. You have to be punished. You should love me for this. It's not child abuse, my child, because I'm not your biological father. Or something.

8; Make me lots of followers. Get out there and beget yourself. I made your body so begeting is fun, to remind you of this holy duty. If you start to enjoy it, I'll make you suffer. Oh, and no spilling of seed. Every sperm is sacred...

9; If you want it, you can't have it. No neighbor nookie for you. No covet. Covet bad, mmmkay?

10; It doesn't make sense. It's not supposed to make sense. It's the chewbacca defense of belief systems. I said it, so you have to believe it. That's faith for you. Sucks to be you, monkey.
 
RoboTimbo said:
Or vain, for the matter of that.
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I can easily find examples on the JREF where I heartily mocked someone who made an error while correcting someone else's error. Now that I see how easy it is to make that type of mistake, I will continuing mocking people for doing it. I will simply pretend that this thread never happened. I am that small and petty.

I will admit that I deserve mockery because I actually opened another window and looked up Deuteronomy 5:11 to make sure I knew what I was doing.
 
Ladewig said:
You're going to correct craven/graven and not correct vein/vane?
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Oh dear, since the correction is "vain" we both gooned that one! :eek:

The persons in charge of corrections have all been sacked. So has the moose.
 
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Darth Rotor said:
Stop calling me Jehovah. I've always hated that name. My mother gets away with it. You don't
Check. Mind if I call you Frank?
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Frankly my dear...

Darth Rotor said:
If craven images float your boat – knock yourself out. I couldn't care less.
That's graven image
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Sure, in your butchered English translation. In my original tongue 'craven' is actually closer to the intended meaning.

Darth Rotor said:
Thou shall not murder (unless thou can afford to hire Johnnie Cochran)
Check, even though he's dead.
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That is the specific reason why I created Derek Acorah.

Darth Rotor said:
I never miss an episode of Gok's Fashion Fix

Missed the ref, sorry
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This is what thou needest.

Darth Rotor said:
:D

Bill Gates = The Antichrist might be the foundation of a new religion ... wait, Apple already exists. :cool:
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I accidentally left the really good weed in the same room as John of Patmos for 2 minutes...next thing I know The Book of Revelation is written and canonised.

(sigh) I better get a disclaimer out before the fundies start taking it seriously.
 
Ladewig said:
I can easily find examples on the JREF where I heartily mocked someone who made an error while correcting someone else's error. Now that I see how easy it is to make that type of mistake, I will continuing mocking people for doing it
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You didn't make a mistake. In my capacity as a being outside of time and space I simply nipped back and changed what you wrote merely to embarrass you.

I am omnipotent, omnipresent and omnipetty.
 
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