Rewrite the 10 commandments

[The idea]

2* if you commit adultery...keep schtum about it

Unless I missed another reference to adultery in this thread, this is the only one. The commandment against committing adultery seems to be rather unpopular. So what else is new?

 

[haikuhamu]

Screw it. If I was God, I'd go down and supervise personally.

Quite the little micro-manager there!

 

[haikuhamu]

Hmmm, I think I missed a couple "thou shalt not's".

1) Thou shalt NOT act like a bloody know-it-all!
2) Thou shalt NOT take every teeny little thing so damned personally!
3) Thou shalt NOT harrass your ex-girl/boyfriend, wife/husband, or anyone else, for that matter!

Alright, that's three new points, not two. Who said engineers can count? Somebody, pass the egg nog.

 

[Jellby]

Alright, that's three new points, not two. Who said engineers can count?

Who said "a couple" is always "two" ;-)

 

[haikuhamu]

Who said "a couple" is always "two" ;-)

Webster, I believe!

 

[Ladewig]

I want God to add this one:

#) "Fred Phelps, STFU! I mean it! I am this close [God holds up fingers a few Planck lengths apart] to bitch slapping you so hard that one thousand years from now people will still be singing songs about how hard you were bitch slapped."

 

[dafydd]

Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.

 

[Hercules Rockefeller]

1) Send me your money.

2) Thou shalt not necromance threads.

 

[alfaniner]

I've actually been working on something like this and was planning on posting it soon. Will ask for suggestions at that time.

 

[BlackLyon]

I thought George Carlin came up with the best revision of the commandments.

"Thou shalt always be honest and faithful, especially to the provider of thy nookie."

"Thou shalt try real hard not to kill anyone, unless, of course, they pray to a different invisible man than you."

"Thou shalt keep thy religion to thyself!"

 

[slingblade]

When my kids were much younger, we used to discuss this, and came to the conclusion that almost every commandment could be boiled down to one:

Don't steal.

Don't steal someone's life (thou shalt not kill);
Don't steal someone's respect (honor thy father and mother)
Don't steal someone's trust (don't lie--which as I kid I was told was bearing false witness, but maybe not, as bearing false witness is seen by some as a specific term, and not just lying in general, but let's go with lying, in general, k?)

And so on.

 

[slingblade]

1) Send me your money.

Um...no.

2) Thou shalt not necromance threads.

Hard call to make. Some folks prefer you go find previous threads on the topics you want to bring up, rather than start the whole discussion over. I personally don't care. I do find it funny (and I've done this) when people don't realize a zombie thread is four or five years old, and the OP's long since been banned, but by gawd, they're gonna give that ignorant OP a piece of their minds!

 

[Third Eye Open]

Holy zombie thread Batman!

 

[Resume]

Treat your kids right.

Measure twice, cut once.

Mostly, mind your own effen business.

 

[Piggy]

1. Treat every human in the world, regardless of race, colour, creed or age, exactly as you would wish them to treat you.

2. Err...... actually, number 1 about covers it.

Unless you're a masochist.

 

[Jarmara]

1) Live

 

[Sledge]

1) Thou shalt have no gods before Sledge
2) Ok, apart from Batman
3) Don't annoy me
4) Optimus Prime worship is also acceptable
5) Oh, but the original cartoon Prime, not the Bay movies one
6) Don't nick stuff
7) Don't kill people unless I say it's ok
8) Btw: Christopher Nolan Batman, not the one from the Tim Burton atrocities
9) ... Just be nice, ok?
10) Stop watching Michael Bay movies. I'm really going to have to insist on this one.

 

[I Ratant]

Any infraction of my commandments would result in being banned from viewing Skepchick Mud Wrestling Competitions for a length of time commensurate with the severity of the infraction.

.
What's a good infraction for a couch potato, to qualify for this banning?
Length of time... say 10 years.

 

[Piggy]

If I were God there would be no need for commandments because I would create things right to begin with.

 

[Brainache]

1) Thou shalt not mill about in doorways.
2) Thou shalt not take up train seats with bags during peak travel times.
3) Thou shalt not fart in elevators.
4) Thou shalt not deny thy brother's request for twenty bucks 'til payday.
5) Thou shalt not forward chain emails.
6) Thou shalt not serve lentils to guests.
7) Thou shalt not invite fat chicks to parties in order to humiliate them.
8) Thou shalt not throw Cobb Salad.
9) Thou shalt not impersonate Elvis.
10) Thou shalt not poop in the punch-bowl.