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Premonitions

Tompet

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Jun 5, 2003
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I have a friend who sort of believes in the supernatural and thinks she had a premonition. Several months ago, as she was going to sleep, she heard a monotonous male voice say "later this year, widow's weeds." I think it was merely an auditory hypnagogic hallucination, but she is convinced it means her husband will die. I've pointed out to her how many times premonitions do not come true, and how many times things happen without premonitions, but she is devastated. At this rate, she is going to be a nervous wreck until Jan. 1st of next year.

Any suggestions of anything else I might tell her, or websites I might direct her to ? I've done research on premonitions hoping to find websites to direct her to, but pretty much everything out there seems to be geared toward their validity.
 
Tell her to put her money where her mouth is: Life Insurance.

A five million dollar policy might be enough to set her mind at ease. Expensive? Sure. Maybe too expensive. See what she'll settle for. Put it to her in those terms.

Find out how worried she really is about it in terms of dollars per month paid in premiums.

Maybe she's only ten grand nervous about it.

Regardless, if you work it right, you could get a nice kickback from the salesman.
 
As expected, this "premonitions" is good for nothing. She can just sit there, waiting for the outcome or either do something about it. Maybe even start enjoying life like it was their last year together!

If she is willing to listen, I would try to explain one of the biggest and most common pitfalls in all areas of knowledge: the wrong - and often fatalist - interpretation of the available data. How does she conclude this means her husband is going to die? Is he the only husband in the world? Isn't the premonition refering to her mother, or a friend? This is maybe the voice of her ancestors, and its about recalling a past event... How is she so sure of anything about those words?

If you feel like more involved, try to find out if there is an actual reason for that fear (an ailment?) or maybe a risky job (curch minister now assigned to Irak). Moreover, try to find warning signs of self-fulfillment.

If she wants to put some money (aside of the very good solution given by RL), aske her to pay a call to Sylvia Browne - but it's not her who will make the call, but you. After that, whatever she told you, reassure your friend that nothig's going to happen!
 
Great replies, many thanks ! Rob, I think they are pretty well set financially, but I will mention it to her.

Chupacabras, as far as I know, there are no valid reasons for her to worry. She is a worrier anyway, but now she thinks she has reason to worry, because of the "premonition". I am curious about what you mean about warning signs of self-fulfillment ? Do you mean she might harm him ??

As for calling Sylvia Brown, no way, not even with someone elses' money. :) :)
 
Tompet said:
... what you mean about warning signs of self-fulfillment ? Do you mean she might harm him ??
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Yes - in an extreme case, she might be saying "I want him gone". I just offer this as a possibility - many, many times a killer has given signs of warning before actually doing something.

Tompet said:
As for calling Sylvia Brown, no way, not even with someone elses' money. :) :)
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Aw... Perhaps you could ask her if I will ever make money... :)
 
I suppose anything is possible, but I really can't imagine that in her case. They are very devoted. I think she did have this hypnagogic hallucination and is truly afraid that it was a premonition. As far as I know, I am the only person she has confided in, and then only because she seemed disturbed and out of sorts, and I pressed her to find out what was wrong.
 
I'm sad that she is in fear - that will prevent her from being happy.

FWIW, I made an Altavista search for "Widow's weeds" and I found a musica album by certain "Tristania" - my guess is she heard those words (perhaps as the album was about to be released) and, well, she just remembered them at an odd moment.

HTH
 
Yes, she is very afraid and sad, I really want to help but don't know how. I think the only thing to convince her this was not a premonition is when next year rolls around and all is well. But I hate for her to waste months and months afraid and worried. She is a good person, she should be happy.
 
Tell her not to worry. Her premonition merely means that later this year she will meet some Sweedish widows.
 
Tompet said:
She is a good person, she should be happy.
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Lots of people should be happy who aren't.

Continue to reassure her and provide examples of hypnogogic halucinations and the sheer number of predictions made every year that don't come true.

But in the end, she has to choose for herself.
 
"Premonitions" have been the hardest thing I've had to debunk. I've met two people who have claimed that either they, or a family member, have known someone was "going to die" ahead of time. (In one case the person was off by one day. The other didn't go into any details.)

I tried to explain to them that people get "feelings" and dreams that something bad will happen all the time; its only in the rare cases when somethinga actually does happen than you remember the successful premonition. All the "failures" disapper.

But, its hard to fight it when the person sees something has happened that they forsaw beforehand.
 
I had to have surgery a couple of years ago, and I told my husband I had a really 'bad feeling' about it. In that something would go wrong. It was a REALLY 'nothing' surgery, less than an hour, no real risks.

I ended up almost dying. They worked on my 3 hours to get me out of anesthesia. I had what the doctor described as the worst asthma attack he had ever seen. (Ironically, I don't have severe asthma...or didn't believe that I did).

So how did I "know"?

Well there's a couple of options here. (No I am not psychic, this was not paranormal, and no I'm not psychic and just don't know it either!). First is, was it merely anxiety of the surgery or procedure? I don't think so (but can't disclude it after all). The surgery wasn't scary to me at all, and I have been under anesthesia several times before. This wasn't an 'unknown' to me. I didn't really have anxiety about it. (Or don't think I did, hindsight is always a little different than reality ;))

My personal theory is that while 'consciously' I wasn't aware of any additional breathing difficulties I was having, I was subconsciously aware of it. I'm also aware that my grandmother had serious problems under anesthesia with asthma...at about the same age. She too almost died during a surgery, though I don't know many of the details, I'm aware it happened. I was also aware (though I wasn't actively thinking of any of this) that asthma can cause serious problems during surgery...and that I had not been under anesthesia since developing adult onset asthma. I also don't regulate my asthma well, since I pretend I don't have it, until I can't breathe.

I personally think that sometimes when people have 'a bad feeling' there's a very real reason...if they stop and think. It's your mind putting together data and coming up with conclusions. Are the conclusions always reasonable though?

Most of the time...no. It just *happened* that that time, it was. Had nothing happened, I wouldn't have it to point out in retrospect. My husband serves search warrents. Most of the time I don't worry too much. Occassionally I get 'a bad feeling'. Why? Well generally it's when a police officer has recently died. It merely heightens the realities of the risks. To date (fortunately) NONE of those 'bad feelings' has resulted in any connection to reality. It's always gone fine. So I have nothing to point out. No coorelation to make.

I'm sure if I kept a diary of 'bad feelings' (I don't), that a huge percentage of them would be nothing. A close friend of mine lost her husband last year to cancer. He was very young, and they have 3 kids. Fortunately they had prepared with life insurance, so at least monetarily...they'll be okay. It caused me to review that with my husband. Many people do the same when they have children...they begin to think of the possibilities of their deaths, beacuse they must make preperations for their children. They need to designate someone to take care of them, and generally want to make sure they're financially provided for as well. However, watching my friend die, and my other friend end up a widow made it seem very real, whereas most of the time when people are young in their 30s and 40s...it's just not something I think could ever really happen to us, or people I know/care about. Even though intellectually I know differently.

I could give numerous examples: fear of losing relatives, or bad feelings there...with a parent or grandparent. Is it because others in the family have died at that age, or around that age? Is it because they're elderly? Or other people you know have suffered that loss recently?

Again this is all just my personal opinion but if my friend was voicing such anxiety, I'd ask them if they're observing something that gives them that anxiety. Has something subtly changed with the health of her spouse, that she may have observed. Is she concerned about that? Or a sudden accident? What are the fears surrounding that? (Besides losing her spouse). I think the suggestion of life insurance was excellent. Plus it forces her back to reality in...how much would she be willing to spend to 'reassure' herself.

After all, I had a bad feeling about the surgery. Bad enough to voice it to my husband (who reassured me). Not enough to voice it to my doctors, who WERE concerned about my asthma and would have probably changed some aspects as a result. Not enough to reschedule the surgery. And in fact, I was offered an epidural instead of full anesthesia, but didn't want to be 'bored' (and didn't want a needle in my spine) and asked to be put completely under. And my 'bad feeling' might not have been based on ANYTHING of merit. It only 'looks good' when I apply it retroactively. After all, I was looking for why I felt that way beforehand, and came up with nothing. Only after the fact can I say "well maybe subconsciously with the asthma...". But I have no idea if that's even accurate.

It may be nothing more than coincidence, after all. ;)
 
Marian said:


So how did I "know"?

Well there's a couple of options here. (No I am not psychic, this was not paranormal, and no I'm not psychic and just don't know it either!).
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No, no, I'm pretty sure you're psychic and just don't know it. It's the only explanation, what more proof do you need?:biggrin:

Seriously though, I think there were some pretty good suggestions above, but I for one highly doubt there's anything you CAN do. I've had friends who believed they had premonitions, and were determined to believe them. There's nothing you can do to show them otherwise. As far as telling her to take out a life insurence policy, I doubt that would do anything as that money doesn't appear to be her cause for concern. My guess is that she'll just pester her husband about it, worrying for a while and hopefully eventually get over it herself. It's frustrating to see people get like this, especially when they're your friends, but you can only do so much. You've tried reasoning with her, but she won't accept it. I think that's the extent of what you can do. Maybe as the weeks wear on, her fear will subside and she'll calm down a little and be more open to naturalistic explanations again.
 
Interesting about the surgery. Several years ago, I had to have all 4 impacted wisdom teeth removed. Even though this procedure did not even require full anasthesia, only "twilight sleep" via IV, and I don't believe in premonitions, I was convinced something would go terribly wrong. Well, nothing did, at least for me. The dental surgeon, however, was not so lucky. I bit him while under the anasthesia, and also barfed all over him after. Maybe my premonition was for him ?? :D :D
 
Chrisberez, frustrating is the right word. I am glad she hasn't told her husband about her "premonition. I am pondering printing out all the responses I get and giving them to her, but I am not sure about that yet. Even though this is anonymous, she might still be angry I discussed this on a forum. I wish there were sceptical websites re. premonitions, but everything out there is really one-sided and seems to try to prove the utter validity of all premonitions.
 
Chupacabras said:


Not quite everything: try Skeptic's Dictionary for information on clairvoyance and psychic. Perhaps you can find something useful her that you can show her for her reassurance.

HTH
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I was just going to suggest the same thing myself. This entry on psycics is good, as is this one on dreams. Even though you already tried explaining the hypnogogic state to her, there's an article here that talks about the hypnogogic state and it's relation to sleep paralysis, hallucinations, and alien abductions. Perhapse contextualizing her experience with the experiences of "abductees" will help her gain some perspective. Good luck.

One more thing- I think you hesitancy to show her these posts is with just cause. I'm not sure myself, but I'm leaning towards "no." She might feel embarassed. You can just tell her you were trying to do research online to help her, and she'll probably feel better about that.
 
Tompet, ask your freind to get her husband to go and get a full health check. That can't do any harm, and at least should at least put her mind at ease. Premontions only reflect what is possible at the time the premonition happened. It does not mean the premonition will definately happen.
 
That's an interesting way of looking at things. If the premonition comes to pass then the ability of the clairvoyant is proved. If it doesn't then it as a result of thongs moving on since the premonition was received. A classic win-win.
 
Lucianarchy said:
Premontions only reflect what is possible at the time the premonition happened. It does not mean the premonition will definately happen.
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You are really doing premonitions a disservice! What are they worth if they do not come true?

Your statement means that if I have the feeling my wife is at home when I come home, then this is a premonition which becomes true if she is at home, and it simply becomes false if she is not at home! Likewise, my premonition that the lottery numbers 1,2,3,4,5,6,7 will come out (I know you are interested in lottery numbers) is a premonition that mostly is not true, but it could just as easily become true?

I do hope that you will state this caveat next time you issue a premonition!
 
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