UserGoogol
Master Poster
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The Babelfish.
Bottle or the Gun
Muse
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So under ID, either god created these creatures from the beginning to cause untold illness, or after the fall condemmed his benign and therefore guiltless creations to an eternity of sin and suffering.
Just freaking great. What a guy.
Just freaking great. What a guy.
Scot C. Trypal
Muse
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WinAce wrote:
Was there a choice made?
It’d be interesting to know which is seen as more preferable, or if another option is taken (Though I’m not sure what that’d be).
Was there a choice made?
It’d be interesting to know which is seen as more preferable, or if another option is taken (Though I’m not sure what that’d be).
Silicon said:
I originally considered making it an apologetic for Gnosticism (the early Christian heresy that believed an inferior, malicious god created the physical world). However, I decided I wouldn't be able to take stabs at Behe and his ilk as effectively while promoting unorthodox ideas, and that it would distract from the article as a whole.
I have few hopes that anyone will mistake it for real. It's very obviously satire. Only someone afflicted with (terminal) ADD could conclude otherwise or skim it with such carelessness to get that impression. You couldn't mistake it for serious even if you didn't speak English well, most likely, just from the pictures alone.
It is! I modified a few paragraphs at the end to make yet more jokes about the Bible and subtly pose the Id-ist dilemma I explained at BF.
Yahzi said:
Genius!!!
Thanks! That was one of the few parts of my original article that survived with nary a rephrasing. As you can see, I'm very proud of that particular joke.
Scot C. Trypal said:
Thread was locked shortly after my final post. But that particular poster is fairly hopeless, so I wasn't expecting an answer regardless. He's quoted as stating he learned about evolution from reading children's books on dinosaurs, for example--and further says he was an "expert" on it before he became a creationist. He once compared himself to Mozart.
An interesting companion article to this one would be one that describes the deadly/bizarre sexual practices in the animal kingdom. Here are some of my favorites:
- The female praying (preying?) mantis will often eat her male partner... during the sexual act itself. I have seen video where the female is leisurely chomping at the head of the male, while the rest of his body is frantically pumping away. Luckily, the male mantis brain is down where it does him the most good.
- There is some kind of field mouse that has a once a season sexual binge in which all the males and all the females go into heat at the same time. The males will scurry from female to female in an attempt to get the most mice pregnant. He will not stop to sleep, eat, or drink during this period and many times will, quite literally, f*** himself to death.
- At least one species of snail has no separate male or female members, but instead are all hermaphrodites. When two of them meet up to get busy, they can spend hours in what can be called "foreplay". This builds up pressure in a special sinus, which, when the pressure reaches a critical level, shoots a sharp spike filled with sperm into the other snail. Hopefully, the spike will end up somewhere near the other snails eggs and fertilize them, but sometimes it will end up in a more unfortunate spot, like the brain or the heart.
- Garter snakes meet in an orgy-like atmosphere to mate. Thousands upon thousands of males will congregate in caves waiting patiently for the females to arrive. Once they do, usually only a few at a time, the males will swarm around the female in huge "mating balls" of 10-100 males per female. Often the female will be crushed in the middle.
- Some kind of falcon (or hawk or other birdlike entity) does an elegant mating dance a mile or so in the air. If successful, the pair will join up... also a mile or so in the air. In this joined state, the two are no longer able to maintain altitude and instead plunge to the earth. If they are not done in a reasonable amount of time, well you can imagine the amount of damage a mass the size of an earth accelerating at 9.8 m/s/s can do to a couple of birds.
- A certain species of hairless ape will often mate with another of its kind despite the fact that the two despise each other in every conceivable way. In certain cases, only one of the pair will despise the other and makes no attempt to hide that fact. Despite this, the despisee will often stay with the despiser, and will jump through hoops to justify their behavior. This animal actually has too many bizarre sexual behaviors to enumerate in a post this small.
Quester_X
Thinker
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Interesting stuff, JesFine. I know for a fact that the preying mantis information is correct. Lovely, eh? I also know that anacondas form "breeding balls", so I can believe that garter snakes would. I remember hearing about the falcons, but I can't confirm anything. The rest is all new to me. (well, except for the "hairless ape" part). I especially think the snails are interesting. What a way to mate...
Check out how some clueless atheists fell for my parody and started ad-homming me at SciForums. Most entertaining, that was. I decided to play along for a while, but unfortunately got exposed before it really took off. I think the highlight was a biologist posting his personally-authored peer reviewed journal article on evolution at me to show how creationism was stupid. 
bjornart
Master Poster
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Nice page, but much too long. I actually prefer it short, sweet and obvious like http://www.theshrubbery.com/udn/ But of course, the effect is totally different. Great job!
HAHAHAHAHA!!!!
That's funny! Those people really got their knickers in a twist!
WOW. I guess there's another board for us to make fun of when Rapture Ready's down!
What was that, the Society for Uptight Skeptics?
Way to tell them to cool their jets, WinAce.
(And here I thought it was TOO OBVIOUS a parody!)
That's funny! Those people really got their knickers in a twist!
WOW. I guess there's another board for us to make fun of when Rapture Ready's down!
What was that, the Society for Uptight Skeptics?
Way to tell them to cool their jets, WinAce.
(And here I thought it was TOO OBVIOUS a parody!)
Oh, the silly folks at Sciforums, quite funny.
I thought the parody was overtly obvious, the very subtle humor is not unlike my own.
You fooled a few people, WinAce, that means you're doing something right. Smart folks, but their critical thinking muscle needs a bit of work.
I thought the parody was overtly obvious, the very subtle humor is not unlike my own.
You fooled a few people, WinAce, that means you're doing something right. Smart folks, but their critical thinking muscle needs a bit of work.
Winace.
You are one sick, twisted you know what.
That page is just discusting. I do not want to know that things like that exist. I'd rather be much happier in ignorance then knowing a Catfish can climb up "there" and latch itself in.
Ewwwwwww.
And the Sciforum thread was hysterical.
You are one sick, twisted you know what.
That page is just discusting. I do not want to know that things like that exist. I'd rather be much happier in ignorance then knowing a Catfish can climb up "there" and latch itself in.
Ewwwwwww.
And the Sciforum thread was hysterical.
Interesting page. I always find this kind of thing fascinating.
If you decide to take JesFine's suggestion and do a page on animal mating rituals, be sure to include penis sparing among flat worms. Flat worms are hermaphrodites. When two meet, they will spar trying to stab one another with their penises. The idea is to impregnate your sparing partner so as to assure the survival of your genetic heritage while avoiding being impregnated since hatching eggs requires a lot more biological resources than just providing sperm. You could also note that male nar whales came become so agressive when fiting over a female that they end up accidentally stabbing and killing the female. This could all be done under the guise of showing the interesting ways animals have found to fufill God's order to "be fruitful and multiply".
If you decide to take JesFine's suggestion and do a page on animal mating rituals, be sure to include penis sparing among flat worms. Flat worms are hermaphrodites. When two meet, they will spar trying to stab one another with their penises. The idea is to impregnate your sparing partner so as to assure the survival of your genetic heritage while avoiding being impregnated since hatching eggs requires a lot more biological resources than just providing sperm. You could also note that male nar whales came become so agressive when fiting over a female that they end up accidentally stabbing and killing the female. This could all be done under the guise of showing the interesting ways animals have found to fufill God's order to "be fruitful and multiply".