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Microchips

Lisa Simpson said:
The local shelter is not a government agency, it's a charity group, so I doubt they have the money to buy a scanner.

Before this came about, I was thinking of microchipping at least one of my cats (he's the only one who regularly tries to escape) but I dislike the idea that I have to do it. Out of 6 City Council Members, 3 voted for it and 3 against it. I would think a tie would go with the nays, but apparently, it isn't so.
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Lisa, it is your civic obligation... nay, your absolute moral duty to not only comply with this law, but to take it to the next level.

You need to buy yourself some chicken wire. Not that lame, lightweight stuff, but the nice, heavy gauge wire that they make rabbit cages out of.

In fact, just go out and buy about fourty rabbit cages of various sizes. And some wire cutters and wire ties.

Then, connect the cages together into a sort of "cat prison" compound with a few cells and connecting pathways. It should all circle around one central "yard" area. You mentioned that one cat tries to escape, so that cat should be placed in a special, double-secure "lockdown" area and only allowed into a special, secluded "yard" for one hour a day to get some excercise.

Buy orange jumpers for all the cats, and confiscate all their toys. Catnip will be strictly forbidden, and all of the "cells" will be searched regularly for it, along with all other contraband.

Also, you'll need to buy yourself an M-14 so you can patrol the perimeter to prevent escape. If you can't legally obtain (or afford) an M-14, feel free to use a .22 caliber air rifle instead.

If you have a spare bedroom or home office, you'll find it useful to convert it into a "warden's office" or "parole hearing room" so you can tell those stupid cats that they'll never leave under your watch... never, you hear me?!*




*By reading this post, or any portion thereof, you have utilized my services as a cat prison design coordinator and owe me twelve thousand dollars.
 
Lisa Simpson said:
... I must spay or neuter my pets AND microchip them...
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Try testing the seriousness of the ordinance. Tell 'em you got this old 386 lying around and you were wondering if emplanting that on your pet's head will suffice.

Granted, that may get you a breathalyzer, but at least you'll have gauged the seriousness of their intent.
 
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Lisa Simpson said:
Last night, my fine city (which recently passed an ordinance saying I can't be nekkid in my house with the drapes open)
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Why would we want to stop that ? And why is that suddenly a problem ? Did they pass that law specifically because of your neighbors' complaints ?? ;)

Worst cast scenario, you can close the drapes and post pictures, instead.



Why do you have to chip your pets, anyway ? Aren't you supposed to keep the dog on a leash or something ?
 
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