Gossip?

[Ruby]

I've just looked in my dictionary (yeah I know it's sad, but hey!) and the main points in the definitions of gossip are; idle or casual talk to a friend, malicious intent & spreading rumours.

Your conversations about your ex-church have been important discussions about the point of religion and the ethics of the pastor and his treatment of you and the congregation as a whole. Such conversations and seeking the advice of others could never be described as idle or casual.
There was no malicious intent on your part, in fact, if anything, just the opposite, I always got the feeling that you were sounding out your feelings rather than venting them on those who'd caused them, in order to make your responses more level and restrained.
Rumours are `a mixture of truth and untruth' or `hearsay' (the dictionary again), neither of which applies to anything you've said since you were only recounting your own experiences.

From this I think it's fairly safe to say that you were not gossipping and you are not a gossip.

Thank you..Thank you...Thank you!!!!

 

[Pahansiri]

'Ruby you are such a sweet kind being.

You are handling this right, look at them with compassion think of what the Longfellow quote says at the bottom of my post.

We need to look at all beings who may be ‘driving us crazy” or seek to say mean or untrue things, be unkind etc. Their actions are not a reflection of you they are a reflection of them, their self-image, suffering in their lives.

As Buddhist we believe people who hate us etc are to be greatly thanked for what they teach us and help us gain in growth. Their actions which are based in their pain can only cause us pain if we allow it, but their actions allow us a chance to grow in patience, compassion etc.

I as many have had a great deal of sexual, physical and emotional abuse as a child it did a great deal and caused great depression and suffering for a long time.

For so many years I wallowed in the poor me syndrome a slave to my depression and the past. It seems “they “ would never stop abusing me, these “evil bastards”.

That is until I awoke to the fact that the “they” was now me. These people some dead have no control over me nor seek it. I looked at them with the same love I would for any child that is being abused, because you know they were also. It is a chain where many times the abused becomes the abuser.

I have love and compassion for them no longer hate.

I was abusing me, not them, I became the “they”.

I hated my depression, but guess what the depression is part of me so to hate it is to hate me and that is what depression is.

Is it gone, no it is part of me. I control it not it me.

Look to these that seek to anger you and smile and wish them well they have no power over you unless you allow it and you are too loving for that.


I believe The truly religious person does not embrace a religion, but instead embraces all of mankind.

Seems to me a loving father would want no more for a child then to have them grow in such a way.

I know you like quotes so I leave you with a few.



The atheist who loves and seeks truth above all else is closer to God than those who love ideas they have of God and the definitions of God found in scripture, above truth no matter what truth reveals for truth is God' [Gandhi,]


To me, religious life is life. I do not see any reason to spend one's whole life tasting just one kind of fruit. We human beings can be nourished by the best values of many traditions. Thich Nhat Hanh

“Religion will either make one better, or else, very much worse.” C.S. Lewis

 

[Ruby]

'Ruby you are such a sweet kind being.

And that is such a sweet thing to say!

You are handling this right, look at them with compassion think of what the Longfellow quote says at the bottom of my post.

We need to look at all beings who may be ‘driving us crazy” or seek to say mean or untrue things, be unkind etc. Their actions are not a reflection of you they are a reflection of them, their self-image, suffering in their lives.

Yes, and it is always so obvious to me when someone is suffering in some way. I try to focus on that....but sometimes my anger gets the better of me.

As Buddhist we believe people who hate us etc are to be greatly thanked for what they teach us and help us gain in growth. Their actions which are based in their pain can only cause us pain if we allow it, but their actions allow us a chance to grow in patience, compassion etc.

It's not easy. I don't think my friend hates me. I think she thinks she loves me...............because as a Christian she is supposed to love even her enemies. Some of that love comes from psyching oneself up. I think she sees herself as being very Christlike and me as being rebellious and angry as well as confrontational and a gossip. The way she talked in her email, it is obvious she feels self-righteous. I can't stop feeling angry about that.

I as many have had a great deal of sexual, physical and emotional abuse as a child it did a great deal and caused great depression and suffering for a long time.[/qoute]

I am so sorry.

For so many years I wallowed in the poor me syndrome a slave to my depression and the past. It seems “they “ would never stop abusing me, these “evil bastards”.

That is until I awoke to the fact that the “they” was now me. These people some dead have no control over me nor seek it. I looked at them with the same love I would for any child that is being abused, because you know they were also. It is a chain where many times the abused becomes the abuser.

I have love and compassion for them no longer hate.

That's so great.

I was abusing me, not them, I became the “they”.

I hated my depression, but guess what the depression is part of me so to hate it is to hate me and that is what depression is.

Is it gone, no it is part of me. I control it not it me.

Look to these that seek to anger you and smile and wish them well they have no power over you unless you allow it and you are too loving for that.

Thanks. I don't think I am seen as loving to my friend and her husband.....and probably the Pastor. Most other people tend to find me gentle and kind..........but with a bit of a temper if really pushed.

I believe The truly religious person does not embrace a religion, but instead embraces all of mankind.

Seems to me a loving father would want no more for a child then to have them grow in such a way.

I know you like quotes so I leave you with a few.

Thanks!!!



The atheist who loves and seeks truth above all else is closer to God than those who love ideas they have of God and the definitions of God found in scripture, above truth no matter what truth reveals for truth is God' [Gandhi,]


To me, religious life is life. I do not see any reason to spend one's whole life tasting just one kind of fruit. We human beings can be nourished by the best values of many traditions. Thich Nhat Hanh

“Religion will either make one better, or else, very much worse.” C.S. Lewis [/B]

 

[Pahansiri]

Hello Ruby

Yes, and it is always so obvious to me when someone is suffering in some way. I try to focus on that....but sometimes my anger gets the better of me.

It is hard but it becomes much more easy when we see that this anger is not something outside of us, not another being or thing other then us controlling us, it is us.

It's not easy.

Yes but no.

I don't think my friend hates me.

Oh I hope it did not seem that is what I meant, I do not believe that and could in no way know her thoughts.

I think she thinks she loves me...............because as a Christian she is supposed to love even her enemies. Some of that love comes from psyching oneself up. I think she sees herself as being very Christlike and me as being rebellious and angry as well as confrontational and a gossip.

Much I believe is in such a case ego, if you are not doing what she believes is right that would make you right and her wrong and that is hard to handle. We avoid truth at times from fear of being wrong.

The way she talked in her email, it is obvious she feels self-righteous.

Which is in line with what I said above.

I can't stop feeling angry about that.

Really? If not you who can control your feelings?

I am so sorry.

Thank you for your thoughts and compassion but it is not needed, what is, is. It is also past and as to my beliefs just part of karma. The past is the past a tool to learn. I can only suffer from it if I allow it. Right now is a time of year, 2-3 weeks where I must fight hard with depression and it becomes very hard and I am very sad. But it is what it is, many have worse things, I am very lucky.

Thanks. I don't think I am seen as loving to my friend and her husband.....and probably the Pastor.

You have no control over what they think, it is a reflection of them not you.

Most other people tend to find me gentle and kind..........but with a bit of a temper if really pushed.

ya ya you bitch…lol
May you be well and hapyy

 

[SquishyDave]

Hiya Ruby

Well everyone has pretty much summed it up, it's a fact you weren't gossiping, and just let little Miss Judgy Pants know that, so that you don't regret not telling her later.

Julia said it best, friendship is unconditional, otherwise they are just aquaintances.

Pretty soon all this will be over and your new non-controlled life will be like rolling in puppies.

You still rock

 

[Ruby]

Hello Ruby
It is hard but it becomes much more easy when we see that this anger is not something outside of us, not another being or thing other then us controlling us, it is us.
Much I believe is in such a case ego, if you are not doing what she believes is right that would make you right and her wrong and that is hard to handle. We avoid truth at times from fear of being wrong.Really? If not you who can control your feelings?
Thank you for your thoughts and compassion but it is not needed, what is, is. It is also past and as to my beliefs just part of karma. The past is the past a tool to learn. I can only suffer from it if I allow it. Right now is a time of year, 2-3 weeks where I must fight hard with depression and it becomes very hard and I am very sad. But it is what it is, many have worse things, I am very lucky.

I admire your way of dealing with things. I suffer with a bi-polar condition. It is not caused by anything external. I have a great life. It's some sort of screwed up chemical and hormonal balance. I will be seeing an expert endocrinologist soon.

I do battle social phobia and anxiety. I grew up a very outgoing and fearless child...involved in drama, music, and sports...anything that put me in the limelight. In my mid teens, I started becoming shy. In my early 20's I started becoming social phobic and agoraphobic.

I've conquered a lot of things since then that used to terrify me. One of the major things was learning to drive and getting my license. I did not accomplish that until I was 34 yrs old. I used to panic at the very idea. Now I love driving....but do have a limited number of places I can drive to and feel comfortable. However, the list of places I can drive to keeps growing all the time.

I used to pray and pray for release from depression, anxiety and social phobia...but it never happened. I could not control the depression as it was hormonal, but I could do something about the anxiety and social phobia. I finally discovered that just believing I could do something...that would normally terrify me.... and doing things in small steps, was the only way I could conquer some of my fears. I had to make up my own mind to do it. No one could force or push me...that only caused me to get paralysed. All along the way, my hubby encouraged me and helped me. He has been a dear.

Sorry to run on!!

Thanks so much for your post!!!!

 

[Ruby]

Hiya Ruby

Well everyone has pretty much summed it up, it's a fact you weren't gossiping, and just let little Miss Judgy Pants know that, so that you don't regret not telling her later.

Julia said it best, friendship is unconditional, otherwise they are just aquaintances.

Pretty soon all this will be over and your new non-controlled life will be like rolling in puppies.

You still rock

Thank you!!!

I look forward to a non-controlled life.

 

[Pahansiri]

Greetings again my sweet friend Ruby

We share much, truth is we all share much we all share everything all interdependent and all interconnected.

I am so happy to hear you have such a great and loving husband I have a wife much the same, she is really something.

I suffer with a bi-polar condition. It is not caused by anything external.

I in the past spent several periods in hospitals for my depression at one time they said I was bi-polar but that was not logical as I had very few manic times.

I have been on in the past many meds, many caused a great deal of problems but they had their place and helped but I no longer take any and have not in years.

I had to take control of it, I must be my own meds. They do help but to just live on a med to “handle” everything helps little. They never really allow us to look to the causes and conditions behind it nor make us stronger and able to cope.

I have a great life. It's some sort of screwed up chemical and hormonal balance. I will be seeing an expert endocrinologist soon.

Good but remember to believe in you not in a drug, use them to help but not to control. Seek the day you are free from them and able to live with you as you are a great being.. Control it, not “it” you.

I do battle social phobia and anxiety.

As do I. I almost did not speak as a child, I walked alone for miles everyday. I knew I had to be alone and hated it at the same time. I wanted to be “normal” but did not want to be so. I feared everything. I did poorly in school because I would not read out loud or at all really my mind was too clouded. I feared and hated being made fun of but got it often. These are things that abuse does.

For me sports helped. I was small, thin as a smaller child I was forced to play base ball but just stood in fear of being hit ball the pitcher and being mad fun of.

At about 13 I started to play football, very fast but was afraid of offence due to having to remember plays. They stuck me on D and I feared being hurt, well one day I made my first hit, I found I had some control in life. I ended that year leading the team in almost all defense stats. The next year in almost every offence and defensive stat and was an all American.

But I was not “cured” in any form, school was hard I was a very good wrestler but would always at just the right time sabotage myself. When it was time to win the biggest matches I would often destroy the other guy for most of the match just to right before the end of the match destroy myself.

That is self hate, the fear of being happy, the belief you have not right to be happy.

I could never speak in public, collage was out of the question, I did not “disserve it” and was “too dunb”..lol


Long story short. I became a national champion body builder yes standing on stage before a thousand people with 1oz of fabric covering me.


I am a sports nutritionist ( mainly self taught) strength & condition coach to pro and elite athletes. I have taught and spoke at many colleges but never went to one, and hospitals to doctors and to many groups.

I have been on TV many times and done something I could never do, be interviewed and this winter you can see me in an HBO movie about Jockeys.

Am I “cured? No. All that “I am” is part of me I embrace it. Is it easy to say I love and respect me no, I still hate me at times.

I have stopped hitting myself in the face, yes I would do that or punch myself in the legs when my parents would see the marks of self punches to the face.

I control it now, not “it” me as, I am the “it”.

I grew up a very outgoing and fearless child...involved in drama, music, and sports...anything that put me in the limelight. In my mid teens, I started becoming shy. In my early 20's I started becoming social phobic and agoraphobic.

What do you believe are the causes and conditions behind it, there has to be causes and conditions, look deeply at them love do not hate them then set them free.

I've conquered a lot of things since then that used to terrify me. One of the major things was learning to drive and getting my license. I did not accomplish that until I was 34 yrs old. I used to panic at the very idea. Now I love driving....but do have a limited number of places I can drive to and feel comfortable. However, the list of places I can drive to keeps growing all the time.

I am so very proud of you, I believe in you all do here your family does now only you have to.


May you be well and happy

 

[Ruby]

Greetings again my sweet friend Ruby

We share much, truth is we all share much we all share everything all interdependent and all interconnected.

I am so happy to hear you have such a great and loving husband I have a wife much the same, she is really something.

I in the past spent several periods in hospitals for my depression at one time they said I was bi-polar but that was not logical as I had very few manic times.

I have been on in the past many meds, many caused a great deal of problems but they had their place and helped but I no longer take any and have not in years.

That is GREAT!!!

I had to take control of it, I must be my own meds. They do help but to just live on a med to “handle” everything helps little. They never really allow us to look to the causes and conditions behind it nor make us stronger and able to cope.

Thankfully, this was emphasized to me from the start by my Docs. I am thankful for the help meds give, but there's more that has to go on as far as taking action and making steps towards recovery goes. You can't get well unlesss you work hard to do so.

As do I. I almost did not speak as a child, I walked alone for miles everyday. I knew I had to be alone and hated it at the same time. I wanted to be “normal” but did not want to be so. I feared everything. I did poorly in school because I would not read out loud or at all really my mind was too clouded. I feared and hated being made fun of but got it often. These are things that abuse does.
For me sports helped. I was small, thin as a smaller child I was forced to play base ball but just stood in fear of being hit ball the pitcher and being mad fun of.

At about 13 I started to play football, very fast but was afraid of offence due to having to remember plays. They stuck me on D and I feared being hurt, well one day I made my first hit, I found I had some control in life. I ended that year leading the team in almost all defense stats. The next year in almost every offence and defensive stat and was an all American.

That is so cool.

But I was not “cured” in any form, school was hard I was a very good wrestler but would always at just the right time sabotage myself. When it was time to win the biggest matches I would often destroy the other guy for most of the match just to right before the end of the match destroy myself.
That is self hate, the fear of being happy, the belief you have not right to be happy.

Yep, I know that all too well!

I could never speak in public, collage was out of the question, I did not “disserve it” and was “too dunb”..lol
Long story short. I became a national champion body builder yes standing on stage before a thousand people with 1oz of fabric covering me.

WOW!!!! That is awesome!!! Any pics??

I am a sports nutritionist ( mainly self taught) strength & condition coach to pro and elite athletes. I have taught and spoke at many colleges but never went to one, and hospitals to doctors and to many groups.
I have been on TV many times and done something I could never do, be interviewed and this winter you can see me in an HBO movie about Jockeys.

Dang, I will have to get HBO just to see that. I work out with weights. I put on quite a bit weight with my last pregnancy. It's so hard to lose. Plus, some of my meds have the nasty side effect of making me an obsessive eater. that is frustrating. I used to always have a great figure. I long to have that back. I'll just have to keep working.

Am I “cured? No. All that “I am” is part of me I embrace it. Is it easy to say I love and respect me no, I still hate me at times.

I have stopped hitting myself in the face, yes I would do that or punch myself in the legs when my parents would see the marks of self punches to the face.

I control it now, not “it” me as, I am the “it”.

That's great!!

What do you believe are the causes and conditions behind it, there has to be causes and conditions, look deeply at them love do not hate them then set them free.

The bi-polar is either hormonal or chemical or both. The social phobia and anxiety probably stems from my childhood. It's all a long story. I don't have the strength to go into it for now. Forgive me!!

I am so very proud of you, I believe in you all do here your family does now only you have to.
May you be well and happy

The same to you!!!!!!