Offer the twoofer that you'll write a note to teacher:
Dear Teach:
Johnny learned a lot last night... well, quite frankly he got his ass handed to him, that ass is now in a sling, and therefore Hardfire Central Control authorizes his absence in your homeroom today. Please view the debate at the Web address provided, and I'm sure you'll agree that Johnny needs ample time to recover. Johnny's basically screwed, Ms. Teach. See? Look at that hair - that's technically impossible! You think his eyes will ever uncross? Count the number of square knots in Johnny's arms, did you get the same number I did? 23? Anywho, your little nutboy student has been hosed but good, schoolmarm! When twoof is replaced by truth at high velocity, as happened last night, it can be a cerebrally-shrivelling shishkabob schtick from Hell! You'll be lucky to see Johnny in school again! Mwahahahahahahahahahaha!!!
Signed,
Doctor W, Twoofer Dispatch