fascinating. wow. I don't know where to begin asking questions.
So the world appears in shades of grey unless you make a conscious effort to see it in colors?
Not quite that bad. But i wouldn't be able to remember your hair colour 5 min after talking to you.. Hell, i don't know my own hair colour.
And that isn't because i'm colour blind, it is because colour offers no interesting input to me, it doesn't matter to me, so most of the time i don't register it(not all the time).
I could go look in the mirror and check my hair colour, and report it back(or as close as i can get with my colour blindness). The same goes for my eyes, no idea what colour they are.
I once ate a green beef. Someone asked me what colour it was(because i am colour blind).. i looked at it and said green(which of course it wasn't... but that is the colour it looked), i hadn't noticed the colour before he asked(that is, i had seen it, just not registered it, it wasn't important to me). Then i just kept eating(it tasted fine, no matter the colour). And the guy laughed because i was eating a beef i thought was green.
For the faces(which is a far more interesting subject) i had to learn, that is, teach myself, at the age of 14(or something like that) how to look at faces. How to see if someone was paying attention to me, or if someone was bored out of their skull, or if someone was interested.
This would usually come naturally, because NTs(Neurological Typical, that is all you "Normal people) use the fusiform.
I, however, because of my autism don't. So, during the normal development i never learned how to use it and process the information it gives me. After 9 years of training i have come a lot better at it. And i automaticly notice if people aren't interested in what i'm saying. It does, however, stres me a lot, because even though it is automagical, it is still a concious process, it doesn't just run on its own in the background, but it is right up front.
Also, if i am in a serious conversation(like with my shrink) i can't look her in the face while having it. Her eyes will be asking me all sorts of questions. Some i will understand ("do you follow?", "do you agree?"), but must i can't understand, this makes me scared, and confused. The ones i do understand i can't respond to with my own eyes, i have to verbally reply. And if i look at her while having hard conversations i can last maybe 3minutes... 5 at most. If, however, i don't look at her, i can last for hours.
Simply becuase i don't have to process all this extra information, and because i don't have to get frustrated at the questions she is asking(with her eyes and body) that i don't understand, and annoyed that i can't respond to her in the same manner(which means i have to stall the conversation by replying to her subconcious questions).
Another thing, very new to me, is this(not related to the fusiform, but kinda the same thing to me). When you talk to people you normally hook into what they are interested in, and remember it for further conversations. NTs would often(not always) remember to ask about how other people are doing with (project X) which their peer has been doing since they last met.
I do this, but only when i am at work,I just learned(this year) to do this, it isn't automatical at all, and i have to actively concentrate to do this. I have to, at all times. think "should i hook into this, is this something this person wants to talk about at some later point.... is this something i should ask about the next time we meet". It is very hard on me, and a big stress. At some point it will probably be automatic(which simply means that i will be doing it all the time, but it will still be something i'm actively concentrating on, and i will always have to ask those questions, all the time), and i will start using it outside of work as well.
I should do this on my friends, since it shows them i am interested in them and in their life. And it makes them feel that i enjoy their company. But i don't do it, because i didn't know that it was information that was available to me(that is, untill this year).
Any questions? Was it usefull/interesting?
Btw. As some may note i do a lot of work in autism, i hold lecture and courses. After every event i have to ask "did i do something wrong?", just because i need to know if i did(so i can work on it), and i might not have noticed from the people around me if i did.(in some cases i would, in some i wouldn't. For now i still have to ask, hopefully not forever).
Sincerely
Tobias
A Barstard Commie.