'Crib notes' fo conversation

[Iamme]

I don't know about you...but nothing makes me more nervous than sitting in a living room with one or a couple people, and the conversation goes dead because nobody can think of, fast enough, what to talk about. I feel like sweating. I feel like leaving. I can't stand it.

To help solve that problem, I have actually written notes on my hand, or on a note pad in my pocket! Corny? Any of you resort to such means? Any stories to tell?

 

[Sundog]

I don't know about you...but nothing makes me more nervous than sitting in a living room with one or a couple people, and the conversation goes dead because nobody can think of, fast enough, what to talk about. I feel like sweating. I feel like leaving. I can't stand it.

To help solve that problem, I have actually written notes on my hand, or on a note pad in my pocket! Corny? Any of you resort to such means? Any stories to tell?

I'm pretty loquacious but I remember being a teenager and being scared to death of running out of things to talk about on a date.

This one had a simple answer, and maybe you can use it. The trick in this situation on a date is to ask something that will get the girl talking about herself. Keep in the back of your mind a few questions about the people in the room and when these gaps occur, slide one in. That gets someone else talking and gives you time to think.

 

[arcticpenguin]

Research indicates that every conversation has a break every seven minutes, on average. This is known as the "theory of the seven minute gap". The nice thing about the theory of hte seven minute gap is that it gives you something to talk about during the seven minute gap.

 

[whitefork]

Has a sort of Nixonian ring to it, that "seven minute gap" concept.

I suggest dropping this bomb into that interval when the void calls out to the void.

"I know you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure that you realize that what you heard is not what I meant."

It's guaranteed.

(when you're on a date, reaching over and copping a feel is a perfect way to break the ice, too)

 

[zer0vector]

(when you're on a date, reaching over and copping a feel is a perfect way to break the ice, too) [/B]

This is also a convenient way to demonstrate the "seven month gap" between dates.

 

[Selvedge]

A good tip from Sharyn Wolf's book "Guerilla Dating Tactics:" when you hit a lull in the conversation, don't keep racking your brain for a new topic. Instead, bridge the gap by returning to a previous topic, something you already know the other person is interested in, and ask an open-ended question about it. Ex. (from the book) "So you said you love scuba diving. Have you ever had a scary encounter? What is the most interesting thing you ever saw under water? Do you subscribe to any scuba magazines?". . .etc.

Also, it's o.k. to just relax and smile pleasantly at the other person. Chances are they will think of something to say, and will like you for being a good listener.

Overcoming social anxiety is a bugger. I'm a fairly good conversationalist now, but it took years of work, starting with making myself go to a social event, then making myself make eye contact, then making myself smile at people, then making myself stay in a conversation when someone else started it, then making myself start conversations, etc. It does get way easier, eventually, and it's worth it, so hang in there, Lamme!

 

[Yahweh]

Its 20 after as I'm typing this, dont be surprised if the room goes suddenly silent.

 

[arcticpenguin]

Its 20 after as I'm typing this, dont be surprised if the room goes suddenly silent.

his idea is generally accepted by superstitious Americans

Really? I've never even heard of it. And I doubt that most people have clocks accurate enough to tell when it's exactly 20 after. (Unlike myself, who have two clocks in my living room accurate to ~ a millisecond)

 

[Prospero]

One of my favorite ways of dealing with this is staring rather intently at another person and making them feel so uncomfortable that they'll throw out a topic just to avert my gaze. To keep myself amused during this exercise, I try to guess as much as I can about their personality traits just from their appearance. If I happen to see something in their appearance that gives me an idea, I'll use that, too. I'm not big on feeling uncomfortable when I can make other people feel uncomfortable instead.