Suddenly
Unregistered
S
So my former neighbor, whom I'm fond of is a Good Catholic, and getting married. So I go. More or less my running mental diary.... I'm writing this after the reception and I'm pretty drunk and still drinking... what is it with booze and elipses... calling DeBunk...
So the wedding starts with the Genesis Bible reading about woman being formed from man's rib. All I can think is that if my wife could be here (she has a prior engagement) she would have grabbed my arm and bugged her eyes at me.
They are singing "The Lord is good the Lord is kind." All I can think is "Assertion with no supporting argument."
They then sing a song that is "halleluiah" over and over. I'm thinking, "Why so happy? Doesn't Notre Dame suck this year?"
Preist then gives a sermon, the theme is that it is not good to be alone. Explains the chastity vow. I think.
Other Bible readings. Many Catholics in the audience say things at certain times. Whatever.
"Let us pray" ... Odd silence.... what? is it halftime?
Priest sats something like "before time began, God knew of the love between Michael and Kristie.. I'm thinking "give me a break"
Priest said smething about how woman "is given life from man , and woman's purpose is to give life again." Sounds nice, unless you listen to the words. Baby factories? If Ms. Suddenly were here that grabbing the arm would leave a serious mark. She's a bit more southern than me, and as this would be her first real exposure to northern catholics (this wedding is north of the mason-dixon line, but still in West Virginia) she would be shocked. Whoops. Neighbor's brother, whom I'm also fond of, getting married in same church in 4 months. I may need to dress in layers.
Whole vows deal. Heavy on the God by the "celebrant." The concept of church as control agent never seemed so obvious. Did I mention this is my first time in a church since I became an athiest? No? Lets move on....
SNACKS!!! Wait... I can't have any unless I'm catholic? F*ck these people. Buddy I'm hanging with (another old neighbor from where I grew up) is bummed. He teaches band at "local college" and today was homecoming. He's been drinking since 8 AM and was hoping to use the wine to help carry the buzz to the reception. Did I mention I really like my Buddy?
I then make the "If catholics believe communion really is flesh and blood, does that mean no carbs?" joke. Ha ha.
Wedding over
Then, reality deal. Neighbor's cousin is a state trooper. About a year ago, he took a bullet to the head while responding to a domestic violence call. He wasn't supposed to live. I felt a lot of guilt, due to my profession (I'm a public defender). He's here, and he's walking with a cane. I knew he lived, but he looks much better than I thought (best case scenerio at one time was he would be able to work a automated wheelchair). Mom says that God is good. I think otherwise, but later at the reception I take most all the money from my wallet and put it in his wifes coat during the "money dance." Makes me feel a little better. I save a fiver to tip the bartender. Later, my mom confesses she did the same. She hopes maybe they will think God provided. I don't argue.
Later that night my mom stars giving me grief about grandchildren. I, being a half drunk idiot, explain that part of the problem is that both my wife and I are athiests, and we are nervous that she (my mom) won't respect our wishes that we want zero religious instruction for our children. I realize I've crossed the Rubicon about half way through my explaination. I brace for the response....
She says she understands. (She had no idea I was an athiest until I told her ... she is quite religious) and that she wouldn't ever dream of violating our trust with our child....
I'm floored. Even though I only half believe her....
So the wedding starts with the Genesis Bible reading about woman being formed from man's rib. All I can think is that if my wife could be here (she has a prior engagement) she would have grabbed my arm and bugged her eyes at me.
They are singing "The Lord is good the Lord is kind." All I can think is "Assertion with no supporting argument."
They then sing a song that is "halleluiah" over and over. I'm thinking, "Why so happy? Doesn't Notre Dame suck this year?"
Preist then gives a sermon, the theme is that it is not good to be alone. Explains the chastity vow. I think.
Other Bible readings. Many Catholics in the audience say things at certain times. Whatever.
"Let us pray" ... Odd silence.... what? is it halftime?
Priest sats something like "before time began, God knew of the love between Michael and Kristie.. I'm thinking "give me a break"
Priest said smething about how woman "is given life from man , and woman's purpose is to give life again." Sounds nice, unless you listen to the words. Baby factories? If Ms. Suddenly were here that grabbing the arm would leave a serious mark. She's a bit more southern than me, and as this would be her first real exposure to northern catholics (this wedding is north of the mason-dixon line, but still in West Virginia) she would be shocked. Whoops. Neighbor's brother, whom I'm also fond of, getting married in same church in 4 months. I may need to dress in layers.
Whole vows deal. Heavy on the God by the "celebrant." The concept of church as control agent never seemed so obvious. Did I mention this is my first time in a church since I became an athiest? No? Lets move on....
SNACKS!!! Wait... I can't have any unless I'm catholic? F*ck these people. Buddy I'm hanging with (another old neighbor from where I grew up) is bummed. He teaches band at "local college" and today was homecoming. He's been drinking since 8 AM and was hoping to use the wine to help carry the buzz to the reception. Did I mention I really like my Buddy?
I then make the "If catholics believe communion really is flesh and blood, does that mean no carbs?" joke. Ha ha.
Wedding over
Then, reality deal. Neighbor's cousin is a state trooper. About a year ago, he took a bullet to the head while responding to a domestic violence call. He wasn't supposed to live. I felt a lot of guilt, due to my profession (I'm a public defender). He's here, and he's walking with a cane. I knew he lived, but he looks much better than I thought (best case scenerio at one time was he would be able to work a automated wheelchair). Mom says that God is good. I think otherwise, but later at the reception I take most all the money from my wallet and put it in his wifes coat during the "money dance." Makes me feel a little better. I save a fiver to tip the bartender. Later, my mom confesses she did the same. She hopes maybe they will think God provided. I don't argue.
Later that night my mom stars giving me grief about grandchildren. I, being a half drunk idiot, explain that part of the problem is that both my wife and I are athiests, and we are nervous that she (my mom) won't respect our wishes that we want zero religious instruction for our children. I realize I've crossed the Rubicon about half way through my explaination. I brace for the response....
She says she understands. (She had no idea I was an athiest until I told her ... she is quite religious) and that she wouldn't ever dream of violating our trust with our child....
I'm floored. Even though I only half believe her....
