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asexuality

quarky

Banned
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Oct 15, 2007
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Greetings, good people.

First, apologies if the subject matter has been discussed a lot, and I missed it.
More apologies for what may be tl;dr because I have so many thoughts on the subject...and even more apologies because I'm likely to simply scatter-shot all manner of ideas, without much forethought.

Not that it matters, but I'm quite hetero-sexual. I first suspected the existence of a quiet category of asexuals when I was in college, in the 60's.
Sex wasn't in the zeitgeist of society then, as it is now. I knew zero outed homosexuals or lesbians back then. Pedophilia was unspoken, for the most part.
It was pretty uptight, even as people were getting much 'looser' and letting their hair down.

I was a chem major, and the people in my group largely struck me as sexless.
Of course, we never spoke of it. Mostly males, they seemed to be removed from the usual mating ritual stuff, and they didn't drink, or dance, or party, or attempt to be more attractive...unless pocket protectors, slide rules and crew cuts was part of the look of sex.

Decades later, homsexuality was not only 'out', it was sheik.
And then bi-sexuality came out.
And then transgenders.

All had one thing in common: Sex.

Still, I had this hunch that large numbers of people simply had no sex drive at all. They were the last to come out. Even now, one rarely hears about this.

I just saw a documentary on the subject (via streaming netflix) called "(A) Sexual.

It addressed a lot of the thoughts I'd had on the matter, so many years ago.
And it left as many unanswered.

Within the outed asexual community, there are many subdivisions, even though, overall estimates are about 1% of adults are asexual.
There are 'romantic' asexuals, that get married and like to snuggle with their partner.

Their are aexuals that form loving bonds with a community of others.
Some asexuals masturbate.
When I got wind of that, I couldn't help but wonder about the mental movie they would run to do that.
I've never been able to masturbate mechanically. I need to run a movie in my mind. I assumed that was the case for others, but I've never gone around asking.

Another curiosity in this is hormones and libido.
Western societies are so embedded in sexuality, that lack of libido is often referred to as a medical 'condition'. Something you should see your doctor about.

In the documentary, lots of the outed asexuals were quite attractive, happening people. Initial prejudicial thoughts might assume that asexuality is a reasonable pre-emptive strategy for people that will never get laid, because they are too fat and ugly, etc.

Another reasonable suspicion: asexuals are homosexuals that don't want to deal with that, in the ugly climate that still exists in much of the world.

I've mentioned elsewhere that my approach to chemistry was to feel certain personalities in the elements. There were very stable couples. NaCl, for instance. Single rouge guys could upset those couples. Double displacement reactions were predictable, even at the junior prom.

Yet, I also was aware, however delusional, of inert gasses. Their outter shells were full. They were complete in themselves; not interested in relationships.

Being asexual likely has a bigger stigma than being gay today.
And all the attention that the gay marriage issue has; it will need to address asexuality and various nuanced ways of teaming up in long-term relationships, for the various benefits to be had therein.

I'm of the opinion that the just way through this labyrinth is to eliminate all incentives and subsidies for various bonds and groupings.

If asexual marriage is allowed (oh it is, we just don't like to admit it) then why not 4-somes?

Why must these 'contracts' be limited to couples? Even of same sex?
And what's sex got to do with it?

I think we'll be delving into these subtleties much more in the near future.

(Thanks for listening. That was pretty long, and poorly written.)

Thoughts?
 
We're a big group of people, and celebrating ourselves and people like ourselves is pretty popular... and it's simply extending now to include more people than it used to, doing more stuff to each other in different ways, with new devices, better lubricants...

I'm glad for the people who nowadays can find people who like what they like, where they used to be sad and feel isolated by society.

It was different when you never encountered anyone but heteros. I grew up in a big city though so gay folks were out and proud. And as I came up, transgendered folks and inter-gendered and cyborg-gendered have stood up to take their place in this vast, clumsy, sexy world

except in places like Afghanistan, places you still don't tell anyone what they don't wanna hear or be exposed to

'course, there are places like that here in the States

:( I'm making myself sad, so many people who can't express who they are because other people who aren't like them will hate them for it...
 
MG, you can tell me.
I won't hate.

Unless it's squid.

(We all have lines, drawn in the sand of human kinkiness.)



It's not squid, is it?
 
You got something against delicious squid?

Only have to worry about dating women, thankfully. My nature made that choice for me a ways back and I just can't add to the already complicated stuff I have to remember to deal with this dating pool...
 
My sister-in-law admits to being asexual. She's been married twice. Her first husband found out the hard way, started having affairs, and they soon divorced. Her second husband (his third marriage) knew from the start, and they remained happily married until he died if cancer.
 
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I seem to bring out the asexual in various wives.
I think they should be forced to wear a large "A" on their sweaters.

I shouldn't encourage the degradation of a serious thread.

The o.p. sort of counts as medicine/sciency stuff.

Step up to the plate, ya'll.
 
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Okay this has always had me confused,

I thought that something that was asexual was void of sexual function, at last that's what I learned in organic biology 101.
And in psych 101 I learned that a person, a human being, who did not use their genitals for intercourse was non-sexual.

What's correct ?
 
Okay this has always had me confused,

I thought that something that was asexual was void of sexual function, at last that's what I learned in organic biology 101.
And in psych 101 I learned that a person, a human being, who did not use their genitals for intercourse was non-sexual.

What's correct ?
heterosexual: people who are only sexually attracted to the opposite sex

homosexual: people who are only sexually attracted to their own sex

bisexual: people who are sexually attracted to both sexes

asexual: people who aren't sexually attracted to either sex

The last one may not be, strictly speaking, the right word to use, but it's the word that is used.
 
Some asexuals masturbate.

I would suggest then that they are not asexual, although I am not saying that people can't label themselves whatever they want.

Masturbation is sexual would be my point. Yet if the asexual community wants to use the term that way that is great. I would think mono or auto sexual would fit as well.

I know two men who have given up on sex.
 
Okay this has always had me confused,

I thought that something that was asexual was void of sexual function, at last that's what I learned in organic biology 101.
And in psych 101 I learned that a person, a human being, who did not use their genitals for intercourse was non-sexual.

What's correct ?

Perhaps frumpy spinster? ;)
 
As David says... I would think that folks who are actively wanking would hardly qualify as "asexual" by my definition, which would be... a -without... In other words, having no sex drive whatever.
As opposed to someone with a dysfunction of some sort, who may be all kinds of sexual but merely unable.

"Autoerotic" is a more elegant term, perhaps.
 
Very interesting documentary Quarky, I watched that a few nights ago.
I did find it kind of odd that they wanted to march in a pride parade "we're not attracted to anyone and don't care for sex!" but I do understand the need for a like minded community.

I knew one asexual back in the day who would talk openly about it.
He had tried with both men and women and found it all rather clinical and a bit gross. He didn't masturbate as he found it mechanical and boring, but did have the occasional wet dream which he found to be a disgusting nuance.

He would always make a "grossed out" face whenever people discussed sex.

His non-orientation was never an issue, unless someone found him attractive and then he would just hide out for a few days.

He still is a helluva furniture maker...able to focus on other pursuits. Seemed to get a lot done in a day. :D
 
Still, I had this hunch that large numbers of people simply had no sex drive at all. They were the last to come out. Even now, one rarely hears about this.


Some asexuals masturbate.
When I got wind of that, I couldn't help but wonder about the mental movie they would run to do that.
I've never been able to masturbate mechanically. I need to run a movie in my mind. I assumed that was the case for others, but I've never gone around asking.

They say they don't need a movie, just the physical sensations, I see no reason not to believe them. Orientation is about attraction, not frequency of drive.

Being as how I seem to have a lot of testosterone, I don't think my lack of drive is related to hormones, or how I never think of boning when I look at a pretty human of either sex.
 
I would suggest then that they are not asexual, although I am not saying that people can't label themselves whatever they want.

Masturbation is sexual would be my point. Yet if the asexual community wants to use the term that way that is great. I would think mono or auto sexual would fit as well.

I know two men who have given up on sex.
With each other?
Would that make them ahomosexual?
 
What is the issue, exactly? Some people don't want to have sex? So what?

I seem to have missed the part where this is a social problem.
 
It's not a social problem.

I brought it up because I think it's the rest of us that may have the social problem.

it's analogous to the situation with homosexuality, 20 years ago.
 
What is the issue, exactly? Some people don't want to have sex? So what?

I seem to have missed the part where this is a social problem.

It's a serious problem if they're married to someone who does want to have sex.
 

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