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75 virgins

aggle_rithm

Unregistered
A
I have long comtemplated the Muslim suicide bomber's belief that they will be rewarded with 75 virgins in paradise. I have a few problems with this theology.

1. They're going to be there for all eternity. How long are 75 virgins going to last? Even if you stretch it out, you're still going to have trillions of years with used-up virgins.

2. Maybe the virgins get magically "re-virginated" after each use?

3. Or maybe they are rotated out.

4. What horrible sins did the virgins commit to deserve being eternally subjected to a Muslim suicide bomber? Did they stomp on baby ducks?

5. ....or perhaps the virgins have led a long, prurient life of sin, and there is a very, very good reason they are still virgins, if you catch my drift...

:confused:
 
hmmmmm, maybe a Virgin that goes to hell gets 75 suicide bombers?
 
What kind of people die virgins anyway? And whoever said the virgins had to be female?
 
You know, it could be even worse for the Martyrs...

There are some people who believe that the 72 virgins (usually people mention 72, not 75) is actually a mis-translation, and it really meant 72 'white raisins'.

See: http://www.guardian.co.uk/saturday_review/story/0,3605,631332,00.html

The other possibility is that it meant 72 Virginians, in which case they may be stuck with 72 people who were from the Eastern U.S. for the rest of time.
 
Sundog said:
Who wants ONE virgin, much less 72?

Never could see the attraction myself.
Click to expand...

It would be as awkward as high school sex...

"Hey what's that for? Can I touch it? Is it for real?"

"Be careful with that, it's loaded."

"No, don't put it in there!"

"But that's where it's supposed to go!"

"It hurts and it's too big! Make it smaller again."

Imagine that 72 more times in a row.
 
Segnosaur said:
There are some people who believe that the 72 virgins (usually people mention 72, not 75) is actually a mis-translation, and it really meant 72 'white raisins'.
Click to expand...

LMAO!

Can you imagine giving your life in your prime with the expectations of 72 virgins only to find out you misunderstood and you did all of that for 72 raisins!?

Sounds like the o'l bait and switch to me.
 
Segnosaur said:


There are some people who believe that the 72 virgins (usually people mention 72, not 75) is actually a mis-translation, and it really meant 72 'white raisins'.

Click to expand...

OH, 72 white raisins, not 75 virgins! That's totally different! Praise Allah!!! Where's my fertilizer!!!

Seriously, 72 white raisins makes even less sense...
 
The way I understood it, after conversations with a muslim colleague, was that if you considered 'holy of holies' when you die you get 1.4 million virgins waiting for you in heaven. Martyrs automatically get bumped up to this level, in the eyes of the next lot of volunteers at least.

These virgins will perform your every wish, apparently. I did pose a question involving sexual acts normally prohibited in Islam, but Abdul refused to ask the scholars at the mosque.:D
 
Dennis Miller - Isn’t this 72 virgins thing just a little overrated? I mean, after three or four, doesn’t the thrill kind of wear off? And by Virgin 23, you’re going to be begging for a pro, someone who knows when and when not to use their teeth.
Click to expand...
 
Well come to think of it. the only way those women could stay virgins is if you didn't do anything in a sexual manner to them.
So there you are 72 hot (or maybe not, they could be butt-ugly) nubile women and you can't do anything "really fun" with them.
And perhaps when you cross over to allah land you have no willie.
even worse!

Any way you cut it, it's still hell to me.

They are after the adolecent mind after all.
 
uruk said:

And perhaps when you cross over to allah land you have no willie.
even worse!

Any way you cut it, it's still hell to me.

[emphasis mine --MdC]
Click to expand...
I don't know if you intended it, but that made coke squirt out me nose.
 
uruk said:
Well come to think of it. the only way those women could stay virgins is if you didn't do anything in a sexual manner to them.
So there you are 72 hot (or maybe not, they could be butt-ugly) nubile women and you can't do anything "really fun" with them.
And perhaps when you cross over to allah land you have no willie.
even worse!
Click to expand...

Hah!

What they tell you:
"Die in the service of Islam and you will spend eternity in a harem with 72 virgins"

What they don't tell you:
You will be the 73rd. You and all your new girlfriends will be forced to act out soft-core sorority pr0n movies for the entertainment of those who lived moral lives, whatever their religious affiliation. Not only that, but you have to pay for your own schoolgirl and cheerleader costumes, and the spankings aren't as much fun as they would've been on earth.
 
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