It has come to my attention that the quality of CT argument has been diminishing in recent weeks.
Now, not being one to take delight in the suffering of others (well, not much) I have decided to produce a guide, or if you will, a handbook, which should provide useful tips to the fledgling woowoo.
Of course I do not do this for altruistic reasons, and so what follows is just a sample. If you would like the complete version this can be arranged by sending a cheque for $250 made payable to "Urine Extraction International Ltd" and sent to my Cayman Islands Bank, details of which are available on request.
This project must also be considered to be a work in progress and all here are free to contribute to it, though 'free' is the operative word in this case and no distribution of funds will be entered in to. Consider it to be an open source endeavour and just be grateful if your contribution is included.
Chapter 1
How to be Conspiracy Theorist.
Well, conspiracy theorists come in all shapes and sizes, but are predominately white and male. We draw no conclusions from this and merely mention it as a helpful pointer to establish whether or not you could be a conspiracy theorist. If you are female, then we are sure you will be welcome within the CT community, but try not to aspire to being seen or heard, especially when the chaps are talking. Non white CTers will also be welcome, in just the same way that they are welcome in the Republican Party.
Certainly religious tolerance is a major facet of CT life, provided that the religion is not judaism. For any concerned jews, consider the CT movement to rather like your local country club.
As mentioned above, religious tolerance is a factor, but that only applies to religions who worship the same god. Elephants, re-incarnated dieties and atheists are frowned upon and we suggest that, should you belong to any of these groups, you should find yourself another hobby instead.
Relationships with other people are encouraged within CT ranks, though this should be confined to 'high fives' and back slapping. Sexual relations diminish the fighting spirit and suck out the pure essence of the CT leaving him (or, possibly, her) lacklustre and uninspired. The devil also has much to do with that kind of thing and you may find your fellow CTers looking at you strangely (even curiously) if you admit to having recently made 'the beast with two backs'.
Homosexuality is a complete no no. Though homosexuals have possibly the greatest reason for feeling that at times the whole world is against them, generally speaking they tend to be too level headed to be a CTer. If you are a homosexual and a CTer then check with your fellow CTers as we are sure that they will confirm for you that you're not actually homosexual after all.
For those of you who are married or in a steady relationship, prepare to give this up for 'the cause'. You WILL be required to spend an inordinate amount of time posting on online forum and discussing reptoids and South Park and this is not condusive to a happy and healthy relationship. Also if it is believed that you are 'getting some' on a regular basis you may find yourself ostracised by the younger members of you CT fraternity and viewed with suspicion.
Suspicion might also come from your partner who may not understand why you feel it is necessary to spend quite so much time conversing with young men online and frequent trips to Washington and New York for research will also place a strain on your relationship.
Your partner might also diesapprove of the attention you attract to yourself and those around you by your online and 'real world' activities. If, for example, you hear clicks during one of your many telephone conversations with that CTer in Turkey Scratch Arkansas, then it is most likely your spouse or partner listening in. This IS evidence that the NWO has infiltrated your domicile and you should immediately terminate the relationship.
(Useful tip: A pre-CT agreement with your partner is always a good idea so that in the event that she gets totally pissed at you and decides to leave (on instructions of the NWO, of course) you can have a legally binding document giving you custody of the computer)
For those of you too young for all this relationship nonesense, we just caution you against believeing anything your parents tell you. In fact a useful rule of thumb is: DON'T TRUST ANYONE OVER 30
If you are over 30 and living at home with your parents then you should on no account trust yourself any frther than your could throw yourself.
Chapter 2
How to debate
As a young and vigorous warrior for the truth, you will encounter people who disagree with your view of the world.
These people are very annoying because they sow the seeds of self doubt and destroy cherished theories with awkward 'facts'
The best way to deal with these agents of the evil which walks amongst us, is to follow these rules for debate:
1. Never propose a theory for how an event occured, merely question the official account. This avoids the need to explain how a giant marshmallow flying teacup managed to remove silvestein moments before the week before the attack.
2. Always claim that you are not blaming ordinary people (after all, you may have to speak with ordinary people during your investigations and they sometimes get annoyed when you accuse them of murder) but that everyone is in on it. This is particularily important when faced with questions about the police, fire service, ambulance, media and macdonalds. Remember to emphasise that you are NOT BLAMING anyone.
3. Always ignore evidence which has been included in the official account of events. This evidence is tainted because it has been included in the official account of events. The official account of events is what you fearless warrior for the truth are fighting against and if evidence is included in the official account of events then it is immediately suspect. You should always try to find at least one person, from somewhere, who will say something which could be taken to be contrary to the official account of events. There's always someone who will fill this position. The internet is your friend.
4. Likewise ignore all mainstream media sources as they are all in on it though they are not to blame. Websites are your best source of information and, even though they may be politically extreme and contrary to everything you believe, you must swallow your bile and cite them incessantly.
5. Always cite people with a phd, provided (of course) that they confirm your CT. Whether or not their phd gives them any expertise in the subject they are commenting upon is irrelevant as they have more 'book smarts' than you and can read around the pictures. Remeber not to tax yourself with difficult concepts: simplicity is also your friend.
Order your copy of this guide now and shipping will be gauranteed before christmas (provided that your cheque clears)
Now, not being one to take delight in the suffering of others (well, not much) I have decided to produce a guide, or if you will, a handbook, which should provide useful tips to the fledgling woowoo.
Of course I do not do this for altruistic reasons, and so what follows is just a sample. If you would like the complete version this can be arranged by sending a cheque for $250 made payable to "Urine Extraction International Ltd" and sent to my Cayman Islands Bank, details of which are available on request.
This project must also be considered to be a work in progress and all here are free to contribute to it, though 'free' is the operative word in this case and no distribution of funds will be entered in to. Consider it to be an open source endeavour and just be grateful if your contribution is included.
Chapter 1
How to be Conspiracy Theorist.
Well, conspiracy theorists come in all shapes and sizes, but are predominately white and male. We draw no conclusions from this and merely mention it as a helpful pointer to establish whether or not you could be a conspiracy theorist. If you are female, then we are sure you will be welcome within the CT community, but try not to aspire to being seen or heard, especially when the chaps are talking. Non white CTers will also be welcome, in just the same way that they are welcome in the Republican Party.
Certainly religious tolerance is a major facet of CT life, provided that the religion is not judaism. For any concerned jews, consider the CT movement to rather like your local country club.
As mentioned above, religious tolerance is a factor, but that only applies to religions who worship the same god. Elephants, re-incarnated dieties and atheists are frowned upon and we suggest that, should you belong to any of these groups, you should find yourself another hobby instead.
Relationships with other people are encouraged within CT ranks, though this should be confined to 'high fives' and back slapping. Sexual relations diminish the fighting spirit and suck out the pure essence of the CT leaving him (or, possibly, her) lacklustre and uninspired. The devil also has much to do with that kind of thing and you may find your fellow CTers looking at you strangely (even curiously) if you admit to having recently made 'the beast with two backs'.
Homosexuality is a complete no no. Though homosexuals have possibly the greatest reason for feeling that at times the whole world is against them, generally speaking they tend to be too level headed to be a CTer. If you are a homosexual and a CTer then check with your fellow CTers as we are sure that they will confirm for you that you're not actually homosexual after all.
For those of you who are married or in a steady relationship, prepare to give this up for 'the cause'. You WILL be required to spend an inordinate amount of time posting on online forum and discussing reptoids and South Park and this is not condusive to a happy and healthy relationship. Also if it is believed that you are 'getting some' on a regular basis you may find yourself ostracised by the younger members of you CT fraternity and viewed with suspicion.
Suspicion might also come from your partner who may not understand why you feel it is necessary to spend quite so much time conversing with young men online and frequent trips to Washington and New York for research will also place a strain on your relationship.
Your partner might also diesapprove of the attention you attract to yourself and those around you by your online and 'real world' activities. If, for example, you hear clicks during one of your many telephone conversations with that CTer in Turkey Scratch Arkansas, then it is most likely your spouse or partner listening in. This IS evidence that the NWO has infiltrated your domicile and you should immediately terminate the relationship.
(Useful tip: A pre-CT agreement with your partner is always a good idea so that in the event that she gets totally pissed at you and decides to leave (on instructions of the NWO, of course) you can have a legally binding document giving you custody of the computer)
For those of you too young for all this relationship nonesense, we just caution you against believeing anything your parents tell you. In fact a useful rule of thumb is: DON'T TRUST ANYONE OVER 30
If you are over 30 and living at home with your parents then you should on no account trust yourself any frther than your could throw yourself.
Chapter 2
How to debate
As a young and vigorous warrior for the truth, you will encounter people who disagree with your view of the world.
These people are very annoying because they sow the seeds of self doubt and destroy cherished theories with awkward 'facts'
The best way to deal with these agents of the evil which walks amongst us, is to follow these rules for debate:
1. Never propose a theory for how an event occured, merely question the official account. This avoids the need to explain how a giant marshmallow flying teacup managed to remove silvestein moments before the week before the attack.
2. Always claim that you are not blaming ordinary people (after all, you may have to speak with ordinary people during your investigations and they sometimes get annoyed when you accuse them of murder) but that everyone is in on it. This is particularily important when faced with questions about the police, fire service, ambulance, media and macdonalds. Remember to emphasise that you are NOT BLAMING anyone.
3. Always ignore evidence which has been included in the official account of events. This evidence is tainted because it has been included in the official account of events. The official account of events is what you fearless warrior for the truth are fighting against and if evidence is included in the official account of events then it is immediately suspect. You should always try to find at least one person, from somewhere, who will say something which could be taken to be contrary to the official account of events. There's always someone who will fill this position. The internet is your friend.
4. Likewise ignore all mainstream media sources as they are all in on it though they are not to blame. Websites are your best source of information and, even though they may be politically extreme and contrary to everything you believe, you must swallow your bile and cite them incessantly.
5. Always cite people with a phd, provided (of course) that they confirm your CT. Whether or not their phd gives them any expertise in the subject they are commenting upon is irrelevant as they have more 'book smarts' than you and can read around the pictures. Remeber not to tax yourself with difficult concepts: simplicity is also your friend.
Order your copy of this guide now and shipping will be gauranteed before christmas (provided that your cheque clears)
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