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Why global warming can't exist

Dorian Gray

Hypocrisy Detector
Dorian Gray
Joined
Nov 15, 2002
Messages
20,366
Funny story: Global warming can't possibly exist anyway.

See, Godsmack brought a flood that destroyed the world, except for Noah's family and aquatic life, of course. Then he brought a rainbow, which was a promise - look:
9:14 And it shall come to pass, when I bring a cloud over the earth, that the bow shall be seen in the cloud:

9:15 And I will remember my covenant, which is between me and you and every living creature of all flesh; and the waters shall no more become a flood to destroy all flesh.

9:16 And the bow shall be in the cloud; and I will look upon it, that I may remember the everlasting covenant between God and every living creature of all flesh that is upon the earth.

9:17 And God said unto Noah, This is the token of the covenant, which I have established between me and all flesh that is upon the earth.
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Okay, now global warming causes what? Warmer temperatures that melt icebergs and cause the ocean levels to rise, flooding the world. But God promised that he wouldn't do that ever again. So we can only reach two conclusions: that God breaks his promises, or that he keeps them and global warming can't exist.

God is good. It says so in the Bible. Therefore, global warming can't exist. And therefore anyone who says it does is a minion of the Antichrist, and is bringing about the end of the world. Like Al Gore.
 
Warmer temperatures that melt icebergs and cause the ocean levels to rise, flooding the world.
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If all the ice melted there would still be dry land. Therefore, God's promise has been kept. He didn't say he wouldn't flood a large portion of it.
 
Does this mean that New Orleans has really been dry all this time?
 
I saw the title and I thought, "BECAUSE OF MAGIC JESUS SHIELD!"

Glad to see I wasn't far off.
 
Yes, a Jesus shield. Think about it - Satan lives in Hell, so he must be hot, which melts ice. God is the opposite of Satan, so he must be cold, which prevents global warming.

Nice try, bokonon, but New Orleans is one city. God destroys single cities all the time. Like that story of someone running around a city and blowing a tuba 4 times or something, or that city named after a certain activity of a somewhat back-door variety, or that city named after the giant Japanese turtle, Gamara.
 
It's an odd commentary on the state of the Global Warming dialogue that this straw man can be so easily constructed. Last I checked, the serious concern is about a few degrees' rise in temperatures that could potentially screw up agriculture, weather patterns and other such important things. Complete melting of the ice caps and widespread flooding therefrom is not really a short term concern, but somehow it seems to be a problem with which the putative audience of this piece would be more familiar.

Which is to say, of course, that a lot of people are talking about Global Warming, and probably only a very few know what they're on about.
 
Well technically he only said he wouldnt destroy all flesh, who's to say he wont flood the world and leave a duck or two? He's a whimsical chap, and really noah ought to have hammered out the details before agreeing to such a hole filled contract.
 
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