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Whittington Shoots Cheney!

Mephisto

Philosopher
Mephisto
Joined
Apr 10, 2005
Messages
6,064
I've been involved in a few discussions about the inadequacies of the VP's idea of hunter's safety and someone brought up the question (which I'm sure several people here have already considered), "What would have happened had Whittington been the one to shoot Cheney?"

Most people agreed that he would have been dead in the field for an apparent assassination attempt, but even if the SS hadn't "neutralized the threat" would the incident have gone over 18 hours without being reported? Would Faux News still have downplayed the seriousness of the incident? Would we be subject to 24 hour news coverage on the condition of the VP, complete with diagrams, CSI-type animations showing the bullet's (or pellets) pathway through his tons of body fat, surgeon's comments, X-Rays, MRIs, ballistic expert's testimony and an hourly Toxicologist's report regarding the danger of lead in the bloodstream?

Just wondering aloud what the implications would have been had the foot been in the other glove? ;)
 
fishbob said:
The undead are not vulnerable to shotguns.
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Depends on the undead. Zombies are (haven't you seen Dawn of the Dead?), though you have to blow their brains out. Vampires are not (or at least, not to lead or steel shot, though maybe to silver). I'm not sure about mummies, ghasts, wights, etc. What kind of undead would Cheney be? I think you can't really determine his vulnerability until you determine that.
 
I don't think a few dozen bird pellets count as a head shot.

My extensive zombie research shows that significant damage has to occur within the brain in order to bring down most zombies. They can also be destroyed through extensive damage, essentially reducing their zombie bodies to non-functioning parts, although some criticize this method as being both sloppy and time-consuming. It is also hard to tell when the dismantling is complete unless the body has been obliterated.
 
Ziggurat said:
Depends on the undead. Zombies are (haven't you seen Dawn of the Dead?), though you have to blow their brains out. Vampires are not (or at least, not to lead or steel shot, though maybe to silver). I'm not sure about mummies, ghasts, wights, etc. What kind of undead would Cheney be? I think you can't really determine his vulnerability until you determine that.
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Really. If you've seen RETURN of the living dead, you'd know by now that true zombies CANNOT be killed. Not even by nukes.
 
We shouldn't let this discussion center too much around zombies, because I'm pretty sure Cheney isn't a zombie. He's a little stiff, but he doesn't have much in the way of speech impediments, and I've never seen a zombie who could clearly enunciate a profanity. My bet is vampire, though I haven't quite figured out how he gets around the whole daylight turning him into dust problem. But there are probably ways, what with modern technology, sunscreen, etc.
 
Ziggurat said:
We shouldn't let this discussion center too much around zombies, because I'm pretty sure Cheney isn't a zombie. He's a little stiff, but he doesn't have much in the way of speech impediments, and I've never seen a zombie who could clearly enunciate a profanity.
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"SEND MORE PARAMEDICS!"
 
Ziggurat said:
We shouldn't let this discussion center too much around zombies, because I'm pretty sure Cheney isn't a zombie. He's a little stiff, but he doesn't have much in the way of speech impediments, and I've never seen a zombie who could clearly enunciate a profanity. My bet is vampire, though I haven't quite figured out how he gets around the whole daylight turning him into dust problem. But there are probably ways, what with modern technology, sunscreen, etc.
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OK, but the first time I hear him mutter "brains," I am calling Clu Gallagher.
 
Ziggurat said:
We shouldn't let this discussion center too much around zombies, because I'm pretty sure Cheney isn't a zombie. He's a little stiff, but he doesn't have much in the way of speech impediments, and I've never seen a zombie who could clearly enunciate a profanity. My bet is vampire, though I haven't quite figured out how he gets around the whole daylight turning him into dust problem. But there are probably ways, what with modern technology, sunscreen, etc.
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Whereas I have seen Cheney out in the daylight, I can not recall him ever crossing running water in the sunlight. Depending on the Vampire lore you choose to follow, this could stll make him a vampire.
JPK
 
No, Cheney's no undead (and certainly not a zombie). Cyborg is closer to it. Or maybe some sort of golem...
 
I just saw a headline on Yahoo News: "Man shot by Cheney leaving hospital". I was struck by a mental image of Cheney, emerging from a hospital's main entrance, grabbing a gun and blasting some random guy standing there. Perhaps the incident of the hunting accident was just a symptom of a greater problem? Maybe Cheney's got an addictive compulsion to shooting people? Maybe from now on, when we see him at podiums, we'll see his fists clench as he tries to fight the urge to shoot people. "Must....restrain....killing....spree!"
 
Jorghnassen said:
No, Cheney's no undead (and certainly not a zombie). Cyborg is closer to it. Or maybe some sort of golem...
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Maybe an invisible Israeli lesbian robot?

"According to a recent poll, nearly 90% of the Arab world believes that some years ago, Egyptian president Hosni Mubarek, Saddam Hussein, and the sultan of Brunei were kidnapped by the CIA and replaced wih Israeli look-alikes. And that later, these look-alikes were killed and replaced by Israeli robots, one of which is a lesbian robot. Aso, one of the robots is invisible. Let me just say that this is at best a gross oversimplification of the truth."
- Will Ferrell as President Bush, SNL
 
TragicMonkey said:
I just saw a headline on Yahoo News: "Man shot by Cheney leaving hospital". I was struck by a mental image of Cheney, emerging from a hospital's main entrance, grabbing a gun and blasting some random guy standing there.
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Hmmm... the picture I got was of Cheney waiting in ambush outside the hospital, so that some poor shmuck who's just been discharged gets gunned down as he walks out the door.
 
Ziggurat said:
Hmmm... the picture I got was of Cheney waiting in ambush outside the hospital, so that some poor shmuck who's just been discharged gets gunned down as he walks out the door.
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Well, maybe he wants to finish the job on what's-his-face.
 
JPK said:
Whereas I have seen Cheney out in the daylight, I can not recall him ever crossing running water in the sunlight. Depending on the Vampire lore you choose to follow, this could stll make him a vampire.
JPK
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Have you personally seen him in the daylight? I think not.
 
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