Charlie in Dayton
Rabid radioactive stargazer and JREF kid
- Joined
- Aug 3, 2001
- Messages
- 1,086
...so it all started with my e-mail...
I was plowing through the inbox, mercilessly consigning helpless electro-missives to their doom in the trash folder, when one of them caught my eye with its plaintive message...
Subject: How To Cast Effective Spells Easily...
Apparently, it was my last chance to buy a book of exactly how to do it. My curiosity whetted (especially whether or not they offered bells and candles), I decided to take the plunge and see what was what...
First of all, apparently there's a differmints between magic and magick...other than the spelling...hmmm...no blood sacrifices...no selling of the soul...money...happpiness...health...love...friends...revenge...power...well, the offerings seem to be the standard stuff...apparently this stuff is so powerful that a secret talisman is needed to prevent its abuse...they need your email address...and of course, whether you're into black or white magick (what, no technicolor magique?).
So after deciding that I could risk the mysterious attacks that might come my way if I practiced deviousness, I filled in a fake name that sounded suitably mystic, and imagined up an email address...I had to steel myself and hang onto reality tight...this was well and truly a wooicane, Force 12 or better...
I was offered over 127 quick'n'eazy magiq (hey, if they can spell it their way, I can spell it mine) spells and rituals...apparently everyone else's spells'n'rituals are a big farce...the old daggers and bat's blood are apparently out of date. But the new versions? fast Fast FAST magiqual relief...only five minutes and they can teach you how to do it?
There are so many examples cited, it's hard to know where to start...practicing witchcraft in solitary (forget going blind, you'll turn into a troll!)...the multiple planes of existence (paper, glider, prop, jet)...energy for life from the sun (magiqual solar cells!)...personal energy exposed (hey, there's laws against that)...chackras (apparently, there is no magickal spell checker)...oils for promoting wealth (I suggest large quantities of light sweet crude)...protective crystals to repel mental and physical evildoers (do the Yellow Bamboo Boys know about these?)...
Apparently there's so much good mojo out there that one book just won't hold it all! They offer a second book for FREE (even though it's worth over $90...they claim)...rituals for casting money, creating a personal wishing well, attractiveness to the opposite sex ("Yeah, babe, I'm a 'leventeenth-level mage...wanna see my magic wand?")...
And the testimonials...one dude was really sick, with fever and the shakes...but with the help of the healing energy exercises, he felt pretty good the next morning, and a couple of days later he was just fine!!! Could you ask for more positive proof?
...ooooooo...how to make your own voodoo dolls...
And if I go to their secure server (it's the one with the dreamcatchers hanging off the hard drive), for a grand total of $37 they'll send me the first two books AND EVEN A THIRD ONE , detailing the templates for perfect spells (can I save this template in MSWord so my computer won't crash any more?) and instructions on how to design your own spells!
And to top all of this off, if it doesn't work to your satisfaction, there's a 90-day money-back guarantee, and you get to keep the free offers (books 2 and 3)!!!
And all this comes from the Olde Country...namely, Vienna (which they spell Wien) Austria...
So what the heck...go on over, slip in something faked, and check this scheisse out...and tell 'em Garsko sent ya...
I was plowing through the inbox, mercilessly consigning helpless electro-missives to their doom in the trash folder, when one of them caught my eye with its plaintive message...
Subject: How To Cast Effective Spells Easily...
Apparently, it was my last chance to buy a book of exactly how to do it. My curiosity whetted (especially whether or not they offered bells and candles), I decided to take the plunge and see what was what...
First of all, apparently there's a differmints between magic and magick...other than the spelling...hmmm...no blood sacrifices...no selling of the soul...money...happpiness...health...love...friends...revenge...power...well, the offerings seem to be the standard stuff...apparently this stuff is so powerful that a secret talisman is needed to prevent its abuse...they need your email address...and of course, whether you're into black or white magick (what, no technicolor magique?).
So after deciding that I could risk the mysterious attacks that might come my way if I practiced deviousness, I filled in a fake name that sounded suitably mystic, and imagined up an email address...I had to steel myself and hang onto reality tight...this was well and truly a wooicane, Force 12 or better...
I was offered over 127 quick'n'eazy magiq (hey, if they can spell it their way, I can spell it mine) spells and rituals...apparently everyone else's spells'n'rituals are a big farce...the old daggers and bat's blood are apparently out of date. But the new versions? fast Fast FAST magiqual relief...only five minutes and they can teach you how to do it?
There are so many examples cited, it's hard to know where to start...practicing witchcraft in solitary (forget going blind, you'll turn into a troll!)...the multiple planes of existence (paper, glider, prop, jet)...energy for life from the sun (magiqual solar cells!)...personal energy exposed (hey, there's laws against that)...chackras (apparently, there is no magickal spell checker)...oils for promoting wealth (I suggest large quantities of light sweet crude)...protective crystals to repel mental and physical evildoers (do the Yellow Bamboo Boys know about these?)...
Apparently there's so much good mojo out there that one book just won't hold it all! They offer a second book for FREE (even though it's worth over $90...they claim)...rituals for casting money, creating a personal wishing well, attractiveness to the opposite sex ("Yeah, babe, I'm a 'leventeenth-level mage...wanna see my magic wand?")...
And the testimonials...one dude was really sick, with fever and the shakes...but with the help of the healing energy exercises, he felt pretty good the next morning, and a couple of days later he was just fine!!! Could you ask for more positive proof?
...ooooooo...how to make your own voodoo dolls...
And if I go to their secure server (it's the one with the dreamcatchers hanging off the hard drive), for a grand total of $37 they'll send me the first two books AND EVEN A THIRD ONE , detailing the templates for perfect spells (can I save this template in MSWord so my computer won't crash any more?) and instructions on how to design your own spells!
And to top all of this off, if it doesn't work to your satisfaction, there's a 90-day money-back guarantee, and you get to keep the free offers (books 2 and 3)!!!
And all this comes from the Olde Country...namely, Vienna (which they spell Wien) Austria...
So what the heck...go on over, slip in something faked, and check this scheisse out...and tell 'em Garsko sent ya...