Unoffensive prayer for Athiests

[Gestahl]

I have a very good friend to whom I revealed my weak atheism a few weeks ago (that damn rule about no prepositions makes awkward sentences...). She asked me (as was pointed out eerily in another recent thread) how should she "pray" for me, or express her generic support? I am personally not offended by being told people are praying for me... a little amused, as if someone were going to clip their toenails (or something equally useless) for my problems, so it was a non-isue for me. She pressed on, wanting to ingratiate: being a pantheist, she believes all religions have some truth (oddly enough even athiesm, she goes all the way with pantheism), and tries to speak to each religiously as they require. Here was my response to her, and I would like to submit it to the group... you may find it useful...

<name removed>,

I seem to find that mostly prayers expresses the wishes and hopes of the supplicant. I guess I would say "I hope that reality is manipulated to your advantage" or some such, but that is too verbose and silly. I don't think hopes or wishes or luck really helps, either. The only point I feel that prayer has for the person being prayed for is just the sense that someone cares about them, and is concerned for their well-being: i.e. empathy. Therefore, I guess my "prayer" for atheism would be:

"I really know how you feel and understand. I will keep you in my thoughts, and if you need anything, let me know. If I can think of a way to help you, I will certainly do my best."

Now, the really interesting part of this is... how does this differ from just making a generic comforting statement that can apply to anyone? In no way. In including all, we don't even have to account for all these other religions and offending them. Instead of trying to cater to every one's religion, while a nice thought (and probably leads to her greater understanding of religion), just make the most innocuous statements.

<Edited for more descriptive title>

 

[Marc]

Here is an atheist prayer I got from some picture of a demonstration:

Our brains, which art in our heads,
treasured by thy name.
Thy reasoning come.
Thy best you can do be done on earth as it is.
Give us this day new insight to help us resolve conflicts and ease pain.
And lead us not into supernatural explanations;
deliver us from denial of logic.
For thine is the kingdom of reason, and even though thy powers are limited,
and yo're not always glorious,
you are the best evolutionary adaption we have for helping this earth now and forever and ever.

So be it.

 

[Hexxenhammer]

"I really know how you feel and understand. I will keep you in my thoughts, and if you need anything, let me know. If I can think of a way to help you, I will certainly do my best."

This is basically what I recently wrote to a friend of mine that I had lost touch with after I found out her husband had tried to kill her. And I meant every word of it. I wouldn't call it a prayer as there is no appeal to a higher power.


And Marc, that's very funny. I'm stealing that.

 

[evildave]

The Thanksgiving prayer that I did say when called upon to pray at thanksgiving one year.

Thank God I am not a Turkey!

If I was, this holiday would really be awful.

All of my family and friends would be getting slaughtered, and probably me too.

And then I'd have been mutilated, had stale breadcrumbs stuffed up my butt, and be laying here on a similar table with people who are thankful that all this happened to me.

There's always this old favorite:

Rub-a-dub-dub, thanks for the grub. Yay god!

Or this shorter variation:

Good god, good grub, get eating!


Then there's this long winded version that drives home what it really is to be thankful for:

Thank 'god' for factory agriculture, and the industrial infrastructure that supports it. Thanks to the people who raised corn, like what we have here on the table, and that fed this turkey carcass that we are about to ingest. Thanks for the people at the plant that processed the turkey and the pig leg we have here, from living things to carrion for us to feast on, comfortably out of our sight. Thanks for the fuel industry that fueled the vehicles that harvested and transported this food, and refrigeration that kept it safe. Thanks for the mass production that made the vehicles and tools affordable, and made the packaging that kept contminants from reaching this food, and the chemical industry that made those plastics possible. ...

And basically go on and on about all the infrastructure and science involved in getting this food on the table, the energy delivery systems that made cooking it possible, the economic developments that made it convenient to prepare, the makers of the oven and food processor, etc.

 

[jimmygun]

I believe in John Labatt,
Maker of 50 Ale,
That was conceived in a large vat,
Born of the mixing of hops and barley,
Was boiled and stirred and was suffered to be bottled.

It descended into a truck,
Was delivered and stored,
Was purchased and drank and
The empties did rise again after a bit to furnish more ale.

When I drink it I ascend to heights of great voice and beauty,
I become quite judgemental and opinions do flow,
I am moved to lie down in strange pastures,
I am moved to sit for hours on the toilet.

I believe in mixing spirits,
The comradery of like minded drinkers,
The wearing of beer goggles,
And the beauty of every woman at the end of the night.

I believe in John Labatt,
I believe in 50 Ale,
I believe I will have another!

 

[Max560]

Rub-a-dub-dub, thanks for the grub. Yay god!

I am partial to the variation:

Hubba hubba hubba! Thanks for the grubba! Yay god!