THe Onion: Gravity refuted by 'Intelligent Falling'

[Zamzara]

This is classic:

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/39512

KANSAS CITY, KS—As the debate over the teaching of evolution in public schools continues, a new controversy over the science curriculum arose Monday in this embattled Midwestern state. Scientists from the Evangelical Center For Faith-Based Reasoning are now asserting that the long-held "theory of gravity" is flawed, and they have responded to it with a new theory of Intelligent Falling.

 

[Taffer]

According to the ECFR paper published simultaneously this week in the International Journal Of Science and the adolescent magazine God's Word For Teens!, there are many phenomena that cannot be explained by secular gravity alone, including such mysteries as how angels fly, how Jesus ascended into Heaven, and how Satan fell when cast out of Paradise.

Oh yes, because these problems don't disappear when we stop believing in fairy tails...

"Let's take a look at the evidence," said ECFR senior fellow Gregory Lunsden."In Matthew 15:14, Jesus says, 'And if the blind lead the blind, both shall fall into the ditch.' He says nothing about some gravity making them fall—just that they will fall. Then, in Job 5:7, we read, 'But mankind is born to trouble, as surely as sparks fly upwards.' If gravity is pulling everything down, why do the sparks fly upwards with great surety? This clearly indicates that a conscious intelligence governs all falling."

Oh yes, because the Bible wasn't written before anyone knew of gravity. All they knew was that things fall down.

 

[Paul C. Anagnostopoulos]

I just called the utility company and told them that I refuse to pay my gravity bill until this scientific question is settled.

Taffer, maybe it's just me, but I have no idea what you're trying to say.

~~ Paul

 

[Taffer]

I just called the utility company and told them that I refuse to pay my gravity bill until this scientific question is settled.

Taffer, maybe it's just me, but I have no idea what you're trying to say.

~~ Paul

Perhaps I wasn't clear enough.

Oh yes, because these problems don't disappear when we stop believing in fairy tails...

These problems only exist if we believe in the Bible. If we do not, there are no such problems, so it's just begging the question.

Oh yes, because the Bible wasn't written before anyone knew of gravity. All they knew was that things fall down.

He says that the Bible makes no mention of why things fall, but rather that they just do. I pointed out that the writers of the Bible had no theory of gravity, and had no notion as to why things fall, and this is why it doesn't mention it.

 

[Paul C. Anagnostopoulos]

Gotcha Taffer. Your original wording almost, but not quite, made me think you were supported the poor folks who wrote the Bible.

~~ Paul

 

[Taffer]

My apologies. I admit my original wording was a bit...double negative.