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Stubborn Fundy

gypsey

Thinker
gypsey
Joined
Jul 18, 2006
Messages
222
why is it that fundy Christians are so darn stubborn and thick headed?
my husband went fundy about 9 or 10 years ago and has steadily deteriorated since and his latest little "thing" is driving me nuts,
he is into jack chick and I hate jack chick with a passion, we have have argued about it for a year or so and i really thought he understood how i felt but this morning i get up to find a chick track on my desk with a note about how great it is and how he thinks i will enjoy it, it's the heart problem track and whats even sicker is i have a serious heart condition,
it's as if by buying into his brand of sick fantasy my condition will go away, it is so hard to not rant and rave right now
i have long ago lost any respect i had for him but this just seems so low and it's as if my feelings don't matter at all and the calm talk that we had about it never happened, no he doesn't know i am an atheist, another conversation he "forgot" and i haven't pressed, it's like nothing i say is important enough to remember but if jack chick say's it or if some freakin fundy say's something he can quote it word for word,
i can shrug off most stuff but he knows that i am very stressed right now and it's like blood in the water to him, I'm ready to scream but have to stay calm :rolleyes:
i really can't just leave him or i would have been long gone but there are reasons to stay even if at this point they are pretty mercenary so i guess all i really am asking is are all fundy's this irritating and self centered, are they all self righteous jerks that are so thick they can't comprehend the pain they cause everyone around them,
has anyone else ever had to deal with this and how the $^&@ did you do it without hitting something
 
Is there no way for your differing belief systems to live in harmony? Also, c'mon. Chick Tracts are hilarious. Evil. But funny.
 
well we did for about 12 years when he was a normal christian guy and i was just agnostic, he went fundy and i guess forgot why we got married in the first place, you know the whole love and respect for each other and talking out our differences and treating each other as a partner, now he treats me like the brainless helpless little female and i try to just be quiet and patient, somewhere under his fundy armor is the sweet loving smart funny person i married but he is getting buried deeper every day,
as for chick well yeah i used to love reading them and hubby and i both thought they were silly little bits of nothing but i have a hard time looking at them that way anymore, the same man who used to think that falwell (thank dog he's dead) and robertson were evil jokes now listens to anything written or spoken by them, the guy who wanted our kids to think for themselves and got mad when my mom tried to force them into church now gets upset because i refuse to force my grandkids,
so chick is just the kinda last straw i guess
 
Oh but wait...someone was just trying to tell me that ALL Christians should be fundamental in their beliefs.

Of course that same person doesn't know the difference between the Old Testament and the New Testament...so I wouldn't listen to him/her.

I know from experience that fundamental Christians are a pain in the ass. Especially those that refuse to believe evolution is a 'known' fact.

I feel sorry for you.
 
If you're an atheist, you probably agree that there's no afterlife. One life is all we get. Is it worth spending the rest of your precious time alive, which is all too short, with someone who treats you this way?

Consider meeting with a divorce lawyer to make sure your assumptions about needing to stay with him "for mercenary reasons" (by which I assume you mean, his salary and health insurance) are truly correct. Perhaps your financial needs can be met through some combination of alimony and your own work.

I'm just some guy on the internet with no idea what your situation is, so forgive me if this advice is unwelcome.
 
FenrisWolf said:
If you're an atheist, you probably agree that there's no afterlife. One life is all we get. Is it worth spending the rest of your precious time alive, which is all too short, with someone who treats you this way?

Consider meeting with a divorce lawyer to make sure your assumptions about needing to stay with him "for mercenary reasons" (by which I assume you mean, his salary and health insurance) are truly correct. Perhaps your financial needs can be met through some combination of alimony and your own work.

I'm just some guy on the internet with no idea what your situation is, so forgive me if this advice is unwelcome.
Click to expand...

x2....especially if he treats you like dirt.
 
gypsey, I say turnabout is fair play, leave him a copy of The God Delusion with a note about how good it is and how you think he will enjoy it :D

Either that or get a big black marker and write all over the front of the chick stupidity in very large letters I HATE THIS CRAP DO NOT GIVE ME ANY OF IT AGAIN. You can also put big Xs across each of the pages inside. At least if he wants to give you another, he won't be able to give you that one back again and might think twice about it (if you can get him to think at all). And it might vent a little of your anger and frustration.

I can't imagine holding in your frustration with his treatment of you is very good for you at all. Why not blow up at him. He seems to not notice your calm talk.

Just things I would do, don't know if any of this will get through to him, I am afraid once they go fundy the brain sort of shuts off to many things.
 
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I get angry when I hear people say that must stay in abusive relationships because of lack of choice. Not angry at the people but at the circumstances. And how can it be anything but abusive if you don't even have any respect for him?
It's easy for me to say as I depend on 'nobody for nothing', but as FenrisWolf said, this is your only life, with the emphasis on your. Leave.
 
Divorce him. If you've spent ten years in a fruitless relationship that generated nothing but grief and aggravation, get rid of him. If he really is the sweet man you married under the lies and nonsense, maybe he can look you up some time when you're kickin' it in the Caribbean with Paulo the pool boy. You deserve better than to put yourself through hell day in and day out.
 
While not knowing the ins and outs of your relationship, in theory I wholly agree with the mantra of "your only life to live.....LIVE IT".

Life is far too short for this kind of grief. You have lost respect for him, and he clearly does not respect you. Sure, it can be said he loves you and is trying to save you from hell, but YOU know better than to buy into that nonsense.
 
gypsey said:
why is it that fundy Christians are so darn stubborn and thick headed?
my husband went fundy about 9 or 10 years ago and has steadily deteriorated since and his latest little "thing" is driving me nuts,
he is into jack chick and I hate jack chick with a passion, we have have argued about it for a year or so and i really thought he understood how i felt but this morning i get up to find a chick track on my desk with a note about how great it is and how he thinks i will enjoy it, it's the heart problem track and whats even sicker is i have a serious heart condition,
it's as if by buying into his brand of sick fantasy my condition will go away, it is so hard to not rant and rave right now
i have long ago lost any respect i had for him but this just seems so low and it's as if my feelings don't matter at all and the calm talk that we had about it never happened, no he doesn't know i am an atheist, another conversation he "forgot" and i haven't pressed, it's like nothing i say is important enough to remember but if jack chick say's it or if some freakin fundy say's something he can quote it word for word,
i can shrug off most stuff but he knows that i am very stressed right now and it's like blood in the water to him, I'm ready to scream but have to stay calm :rolleyes:
i really can't just leave him or i would have been long gone but there are reasons to stay even if at this point they are pretty mercenary so i guess all i really am asking is are all fundy's this irritating and self centered, are they all self righteous jerks that are so thick they can't comprehend the pain they cause everyone around them,
has anyone else ever had to deal with this and how the $^&@ did you do it without hitting something
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From your stream of consciousness raving, I gather that you got married before he "went fundy." Were you both church going people, agnostic, atheist, casual Christians? What were you when you got married, in that regard.

Also, why did he go fundy without you? What was the circumstance where only one of you followed that path? Right there, a massive obstacle to your marriage was built, and it does not seem that either of you looked to make gates in the wall growing between you.

If you were never of the Faith, one of three things will happen.

He'll lose this new found Faith of his, in which case you two may reconcile and try to heal.

You will get "Born Again" and join him his Faith. (Does not seem likely from your rant.)

You two will not resolve what is becoming an irreconcilable difference, and will need to dissolve the marriage.

A fourth possibility is that he will, with counsel from his pastor, find a way to quit being so blind to your difference in outlook and moderate his approach. This sounds possible, albeit unlikely, from your side of the story.

As a first step, you need a marriage counsellor, at the least, to help you both work out the chances of finding common ground on which to build the path back togetherness. If you simply grow more and more disagreeable over this significant issue, the bond you created with your vows will crack and break.

Make the appointment, with him, and sell it as a move to save your marriage.

If that doesn't work: do you want to live the rest of your life with this kind of strife? I would not want to.

DR
 
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If his religious beliefs are making you uncomfortable to the point where you can no longer live with him, you're going to have to confront him about this. If his new-found beliefs are more important than you are, you're going to have to let him go for your sake.
 
Azure said:
Oh but wait...someone was just trying to tell me that ALL Christians should be fundamental in their beliefs.

Of course that same person doesn't know the difference between the Old Testament and the New Testament...so I wouldn't listen to him/her.

I know from experience that fundamental Christians are a pain in the ass. Especially those that refuse to believe evolution is a 'known' fact.

I feel sorry for you.
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I think he might have meant that the beliefs of many Xtians come out of their fundaments - I assume that is why they are called fundamentalists.
 
gypsey said:
well we did for about 12 years when he was a normal christian guy and i was just agnostic, he went fundy and i guess forgot why we got married in the first place, you know the whole love and respect for each other and talking out our differences and treating each other as a partner, now he treats me like the brainless helpless little female and i try to just be quiet and patient, somewhere under his fundy armor is the sweet loving smart funny person i married but he is getting buried deeper every day,
as for chick well yeah i used to love reading them and hubby and i both thought they were silly little bits of nothing but i have a hard time looking at them that way anymore, the same man who used to think that falwell (thank dog he's dead) and robertson were evil jokes now listens to anything written or spoken by them, the guy who wanted our kids to think for themselves and got mad when my mom tried to force them into church now gets upset because i refuse to force my grandkids,
so chick is just the kinda last straw i guess
Click to expand...
I have a couple of Cthulhu pamphlets if it would help (seriously, my condolences on a bad situation - and I hope it can be cleared up to your advantage!)..
 
Even the bible is on your side, or the side of Splitsville, anyway.

"Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? And what communion hath light with darkness?" 2 Corinthians 6:14 (KJV)

So, come on back to the Dark Side. Better cookies and all that.
:hug5
 
first let me say thank you for all of the response's,

Azhure
most fundy's don't seem to know much about that book of theirs!
don't feel sorry for me please I got myself into this and have to be a big girl now, he used to be the first to laugh at people who denied evolution and i have a hard time understanding how he can now be one of them but what can i do



Freethinker
i do believe you are right


The_Fire
that sure seems to be the case

to everyone,
i normally don't whine about this mess of mine so thank you again for reading and responding, i guess i just wondered if anyone else had been this trapped with a fundy and yes this morning i really felt trapped but i got over myself and i'm ok now i guess, i'm going to try to answer everyone else so here goes
 
FenrisWolf
i have always tried to live as if this might be my last day on earth, i used to love life and wanted to make my one shot really count, i'm too tired to do as much but i still try to enjoy as much as i can, you are almost right, the mercenary motives do include the insurance, my health has gotten so bad that with out it i wouldn't be here long, but thats not the biggest thing even tho if we divorce my coverage ends, champus/tricare does not cover ex spouse's,
one of the things is that right now there is life insurance on both of us and if anything happens, our kids and grandkids are taken care of,
if we split he will drop the policies because he believes that "god" will provide for them, i know this for a fact because he has tried several times to get me to drop the insurance, not gonna happen!!
i know this is gonna sound horrible but also i believe i have earned the right to be taken care of by him at this point but it is a really looooong story,
i asked for the advice so it is welcome even if i feel i can't follow it, thank you
 
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