"So Where In Genesis Did You Find THAT Answer?"

[Dr Adequate]

God, as we all know, agrees with creationists. ‘Cos it says so in their favorite interpretation of their favorite book.

The question still remains whether he agrees with all of their arguments. Or, indeed, any of them.

Hence ...

Song of the Creationist

--- or :

"So where in Genesis did you find THAT answer?"

Whenever science threatens, there is just one place to look,
‘Cos biologists are answered in a single marvellous book.
Though refuting evolution
May have all the scholars vexed,
I escape this sad polution
By adhering to my text
That on macroevolution God hath set His awful curse ...
What’s that?
Well now I’m puzzled ...
What ... ? The chapter and the verse ... ?

I’ve never spent a moment learning information theory
What need, when God’s own scripture answers each and every query?
Whenever science menaces
I’m firm in my resolve,
'Cos it says right there in Genesis
That nothing can evolve.
When God Himself bears witness then I’m sure that you’ll agree ...
What ... ? Oh really?
"William Dembski" ... ?
Who the bloomin’ heck is he?

The Bible makes it plain that it’s Jehovah’s own position
That in all the fossil record there’s no sign of a transition.
This appeareth to the nation
As a wonder and a sign
That the true interpretation
Of the Bible must be mine ---
All the scientists say different, but that doesn’t count for ****
‘Cos it says so...
Oh, it doesn’t?
So it’s NOT in Holy Writ?

In scripture God assures us that the fossil record says
That all biologists are wrong --- and then (oh! give him praise!)
Proving evolution sucks He
Made his marvels manifest,
And the wonder of Paluxy
Shows that my opinion’s best;
All the experts won’t admit it, but the Bible tells me so ...
What? It doesn’t?
"Dr Hovind" ... ?
No, that’s not a name I know.

Ere Evil Evilutionists had laid their cunning plans
Almighty God pre-empted them with craft exceeding man’s
And he gave us the flagellum
As a beacon and a light
To scientists, to tell ‘em
That I’m absolutely right
‘Cos it says so in the Bible, so I’m certain that it’s true ...
What, it doesn’t?
Well I never!
"Michael Behe" ? ... heck, who knew?

I’ve never studied science, and I’ve never seen the need
To find a simple textbook at a level I can read.
Oh, I have no need for textbooks ---
God’s Own Truth is on the Web!
No, a curse upon those hexed books!
Evolution’s on the ebb,
‘Cos the Answer’s there in Genesis, for all to plainly see ...
Oh, it isn’t?
Well then, tell me
Why they call it AiG?

 

[Mercutio]

 

[supercorgi]

Brillant! Dr. A, you continue to amaze.

 

[Ririon]

We need a melody and some guitar chords for the next TAM desert campfire...

Maybe you could make an adequate mp3? JREF is all about challenges, remember?

And of course:

 

[phildonnia]

I hear it as a hymn, sung by young children.
Maybe someone else can put a more danceable melody on it.

G C B C D E D C E D D C D E
Whenever science threatens, there is just one place to look,
G B CCC D E D C E D D E E D C
‘Cos biologists are answered in a single marvellous book.
G B C C D D E D
Though refuting evolution
C E D D C D E
May have all the scholars vexed,
G B C C D D E D
I escape this sad polution
C E D D E D C
By adhering to my text
E g a a a b c g g C D D C D E
That on macroevolution God hath set His awful curse ...
C c
What’s that?
a b g b c
Well now I’m puzzled ...
<spoken> C F F E D g
What ... ? The chapter and the verse ... ?

 

[Dr Adequate]

I hear it as a hymn...

When we have all the good tunes?

Maybe someone else can put a more danceable melody on it.

Its meter makes it an Irish reel.

Actually, I wanted it set to music by Sir Arthur Sullivan, but he's busy ... decomposing.

 

[Zep]

OK, you've done fine so far. You've had your pun. Move on, please.