qayak
Penultimate Amazing
- Joined
- Jul 31, 2006
- Messages
- 13,844
This morning I drove my daughter to work at 6:30 a.m. I figured it would be a perfect time to get a little light reading in so I took one of the books from her criminology class with me. My plan was to get myself a coffee, enjoy the morning, watch a few lovely ladies and educate myself a little regarding crime and punishment.
So, after about 20 minutes, the book was good enough that I was no longer even noticing the ladies walking by and that says something! Anyway, I hear a voice that says "Excuse me!"
I look up and there is a middle aged man dressed very casually. He asks me if I know the bus system in the community because he is from out of town. I explain to him that I have never riden the buses but one block away there is the main hub for buses and the information is all posted there.
He then explains that he needs a bus up to the Ferndale Institute which is a minimum security prison. He said he had some time to wait as visiting hours did not start until 11:00 am. I once again explained to him where he could get the information.
He thanked me for the information and then there was a long pause as he stood looking at me expectantly. He picked the wrong guy to do that to because I have this flaw, or at least a lot of people think it is a flaw. I have no intuition as to what people are thinking. If you stare at me expecting me to know what I should do next based on yur demeanor, body language or telepathy, I will stare right back at you. I used to try figure it out. It was very stressful to know that what was perfectly obvious to everyone alse, was way beyond my ability to comprehend. I tried guessing but that is really a crap shoot. Guessing with any hope of getting something right requires that you understand enough to narrow the choices down to a reasonable number and then make the best choice from the few, based on the context of the situation. I can say it, but I can't do it. At this point in my life, I don't even try anymore. If they don't say what they are thinking, I don't ask or otherwise attempt to figure it out. This has apparently affected my dating life as many people will tell me that some woman is interested and yet I have no clue what they are talking about. But, I digress.
Anyway, this guy stands there for a minute. I maintain eye contact but am only thinking about getting back to my book. He then begins to turn away and I look down at my book. Quickly he turns back and says "You seem like a reader!" Which is pretty silly when you think about it because I have a book in my hand which I was obviously reading before he interrupted. "You might be interested in this" he continues. Reaching into his pocket he pulls out a little plastic case with what look like business cards in it. He pulls out two and hands them to me. "These are from the greatest book ever written, do you know what book I am talking about?"
I said "Yes, the greatest book ever written is whichever one I happen to be reading at the moment. How did you know that I would be reading this book and not one of the other greatest books ever written in my collection? And how did you get those business cards printed up at before 7:00 am?
My joke goes right over his head which doesn't surprise me because without looking at the business cards I know they will have religious quotes and religious people tend not to have much of a sense of humour. I have already deduced that there are only two reasons to visit a prison. One, you have a friend there and two, you are going to try convert people to your religion. Let's face it, people who have friends in prison carry stuff in plastic containers but it a bunch of business cards! (He could possibly have been an escapee but the chances of him going back to visit were pretty slim I figured.) Up until he pulled out the cards and made the "best book ever written" remark, I was willing to give him the benefit of the doubt and believe that he was visiting a friend.
"Yes, they are from the bible!"
Wait a minute! I didn't guess the bible. Why is it that people who's reading material is limited to the bible or things directly relating to the bible, automatically assume that everyone else's reading material is the same?
Another problem I have is that my mother taught me to be polite to everyone so I say, "thanks" as I accept the cards. There is another expectant pause like this guy expected me to ask him to sit down, buy him a coffee and engage in a long conversation about how great his particular religion is. Hey! My mother raised a polite kid, not a stupid one!
So he wanders over to a window and stares off into the heavens and I go back to reading my book. Except, I don't. In fact, I can't. I start thinking that there must be more wrong with me than just my complete lack of intuition and my politeness because I get a lot of religious people trying to engage me in religious discussions and almost all of them automatically assume that I am a devout christian. It is like one of my sisters tied christian zealot bait around my neck. "It is invisible, odourless and tasteless but it attracts christians like flies!"
This is actually a joke with one of my friends. We often travel together and everytime we do these people start talking to me and she has more ammunition to harrass me with. She then goes home and tells her husband which leads to both of them harrassing me. The funny thing is that my friend was brought up strict catholic which, although it pretty much gives me all the ammunition I need to counter her ribbing, seems to be lost on the religious people we meet. I want to scream at them "I DON'T BELIEVE! I HAVE ONLY BEEN TO CHURCH ONCE AND I GOT KICKED OUT OF SUNDAY SCHOOL THE ONE TIME I ATTENDED, SO WHY DON'T YOU GO BUG THE LITTLE Catholic GIRL OVER THERE?" But, I don't. I politely listen to their spiel and then tell them I am not interested. All the while my friend stands behind them and makes faces at me over their shoulder. Not fit behaviour for a 45 year old woman if you ask me!
I am hoping that one of the learned members of this forum can steer me towards a religious repellant. Something that will make it unnecessary for me to engage these people in conversation. I want them to walk into any room that I am in and automatically go to the most distant point from me and I want it to be completely unoffensive to everyone else. In fact, I will pay extra if I can get a religious repellant/hot babe attracter along the lines of those sun screen/bug repellants you can buy. I don't want a t-shirt that says Jesus Sucks or anthing like that. It will get me either shot or into more lame conversations. Hard to tell which is worse!
I also think it should be long lasting like those 12 hour deodorants. One application in the morning after my shower and I am protected until I return to the refuge of my home in the evening.
And spray on! It should be available in an aerosol can for convenience. Maybe, it could be put into the laundry so that it permeates my clothing. . . . wait a minute! No that won't work because then I would not be protected should I choose to visit a nude beach. Spray on is best I think.
Other than that, I leave the details up to you!
So, after about 20 minutes, the book was good enough that I was no longer even noticing the ladies walking by and that says something! Anyway, I hear a voice that says "Excuse me!"
I look up and there is a middle aged man dressed very casually. He asks me if I know the bus system in the community because he is from out of town. I explain to him that I have never riden the buses but one block away there is the main hub for buses and the information is all posted there.
He then explains that he needs a bus up to the Ferndale Institute which is a minimum security prison. He said he had some time to wait as visiting hours did not start until 11:00 am. I once again explained to him where he could get the information.
He thanked me for the information and then there was a long pause as he stood looking at me expectantly. He picked the wrong guy to do that to because I have this flaw, or at least a lot of people think it is a flaw. I have no intuition as to what people are thinking. If you stare at me expecting me to know what I should do next based on yur demeanor, body language or telepathy, I will stare right back at you. I used to try figure it out. It was very stressful to know that what was perfectly obvious to everyone alse, was way beyond my ability to comprehend. I tried guessing but that is really a crap shoot. Guessing with any hope of getting something right requires that you understand enough to narrow the choices down to a reasonable number and then make the best choice from the few, based on the context of the situation. I can say it, but I can't do it. At this point in my life, I don't even try anymore. If they don't say what they are thinking, I don't ask or otherwise attempt to figure it out. This has apparently affected my dating life as many people will tell me that some woman is interested and yet I have no clue what they are talking about. But, I digress.
Anyway, this guy stands there for a minute. I maintain eye contact but am only thinking about getting back to my book. He then begins to turn away and I look down at my book. Quickly he turns back and says "You seem like a reader!" Which is pretty silly when you think about it because I have a book in my hand which I was obviously reading before he interrupted. "You might be interested in this" he continues. Reaching into his pocket he pulls out a little plastic case with what look like business cards in it. He pulls out two and hands them to me. "These are from the greatest book ever written, do you know what book I am talking about?"
I said "Yes, the greatest book ever written is whichever one I happen to be reading at the moment. How did you know that I would be reading this book and not one of the other greatest books ever written in my collection? And how did you get those business cards printed up at before 7:00 am?
My joke goes right over his head which doesn't surprise me because without looking at the business cards I know they will have religious quotes and religious people tend not to have much of a sense of humour. I have already deduced that there are only two reasons to visit a prison. One, you have a friend there and two, you are going to try convert people to your religion. Let's face it, people who have friends in prison carry stuff in plastic containers but it a bunch of business cards! (He could possibly have been an escapee but the chances of him going back to visit were pretty slim I figured.) Up until he pulled out the cards and made the "best book ever written" remark, I was willing to give him the benefit of the doubt and believe that he was visiting a friend.
"Yes, they are from the bible!"
Wait a minute! I didn't guess the bible. Why is it that people who's reading material is limited to the bible or things directly relating to the bible, automatically assume that everyone else's reading material is the same?
Another problem I have is that my mother taught me to be polite to everyone so I say, "thanks" as I accept the cards. There is another expectant pause like this guy expected me to ask him to sit down, buy him a coffee and engage in a long conversation about how great his particular religion is. Hey! My mother raised a polite kid, not a stupid one!
So he wanders over to a window and stares off into the heavens and I go back to reading my book. Except, I don't. In fact, I can't. I start thinking that there must be more wrong with me than just my complete lack of intuition and my politeness because I get a lot of religious people trying to engage me in religious discussions and almost all of them automatically assume that I am a devout christian. It is like one of my sisters tied christian zealot bait around my neck. "It is invisible, odourless and tasteless but it attracts christians like flies!"
This is actually a joke with one of my friends. We often travel together and everytime we do these people start talking to me and she has more ammunition to harrass me with. She then goes home and tells her husband which leads to both of them harrassing me. The funny thing is that my friend was brought up strict catholic which, although it pretty much gives me all the ammunition I need to counter her ribbing, seems to be lost on the religious people we meet. I want to scream at them "I DON'T BELIEVE! I HAVE ONLY BEEN TO CHURCH ONCE AND I GOT KICKED OUT OF SUNDAY SCHOOL THE ONE TIME I ATTENDED, SO WHY DON'T YOU GO BUG THE LITTLE Catholic GIRL OVER THERE?" But, I don't. I politely listen to their spiel and then tell them I am not interested. All the while my friend stands behind them and makes faces at me over their shoulder. Not fit behaviour for a 45 year old woman if you ask me!
I am hoping that one of the learned members of this forum can steer me towards a religious repellant. Something that will make it unnecessary for me to engage these people in conversation. I want them to walk into any room that I am in and automatically go to the most distant point from me and I want it to be completely unoffensive to everyone else. In fact, I will pay extra if I can get a religious repellant/hot babe attracter along the lines of those sun screen/bug repellants you can buy. I don't want a t-shirt that says Jesus Sucks or anthing like that. It will get me either shot or into more lame conversations. Hard to tell which is worse!
I also think it should be long lasting like those 12 hour deodorants. One application in the morning after my shower and I am protected until I return to the refuge of my home in the evening.
And spray on! It should be available in an aerosol can for convenience. Maybe, it could be put into the laundry so that it permeates my clothing. . . . wait a minute! No that won't work because then I would not be protected should I choose to visit a nude beach. Spray on is best I think.
Other than that, I leave the details up to you!
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