Put Down Your Key And No One Will Be Hurt

[shecky]

TSA calls Audi key a switchblade, confiscates said weapon from airline passenger.

''What's this?'' an inspector asked.

''My car key,'' Mr. Rau said.

Mr. Rau drives an Audi. Audis now come with stylish ignition keys designed to house the key inside a holder, preventing rips and wear on pocket liners. You push a button on a flat two-inch shaft and the key slides out.

As he demonstrated it, Mr. Rau could see the word forming in the minds of the screeners, now three, on his case: switchblade.

''Now the bells are ringing,'' he said. After running the key through the X-ray machine three times, the security committee reached a conclusion. ''Well, sir, that's a switchblade style, and that's a prohibited item,'' Mr. Rau said he was told. ''We're going to have to confiscate that.''

Yet more Tales Of Airport Security®

 

[Grammatron]

 

[LostAngeles]

Well, now I understand why Logan always stops me and questions me about keys.

 

[Mr. Skinny]

I drive a newer model VW with the same type of "switchblade" key fob. Hope I don't get my keys confiscated next time I fly.

If that happens to me, I can pretty well guarantee you I'd turn around and just go home since I only fly because the gubmint makes me do it for my job occasionally.

How was this guy supposed to retreive his keys when he returned from his trip?

Un-freaking-believable.

 

[Manny]

I dunno. I'm all in favor of lampooning the TSA's silliness but I'll have to see a pattern of this before I buy in to this one. Mr. Big-shot Intellectual Property Attorney frankly sounds like kind of a self-important jerk. A self-important jerk who can't afford file folders in his carryon bag. Sure, the TSA guy shouldn't have been a jerk back, but one guy in one airport one time does not a pattern make.

 

[TragicMonkey]

If a retractable key is a weapon, wouldn't a regular key be even worse? It would have zero chance of retracting when stabbing someone in the throat with it, thus making it deadlier than the "switchblade key".

Not to mention people who bring whole bunches of keys with them. Weapons smugglers!!

 

[shecky]

I dunno. I'm all in favor of lampooning the TSA's silliness but I'll have to see a pattern of this before I buy in to this one.

That's kinda the point. The only pattern is that there is no pattern. I doubt every Audi driver has to surrender his/her keys when flying. But they might have to, depending on the mood of the worker that day.

There are plenty of stories line this, items seized one day, not the next, dangerous items missed altogether, items of questionable danger seized, ineptitude, petty dictatorships.

 

[Mycroft]

That's kinda the point. The only pattern is that there is no pattern. I doubt every Audi driver has to surrender his/her keys when flying. But they might have to, depending on the mood of the worker that day.

There are plenty of stories line this, items seized one day, not the next, dangerous items missed altogether, items of questionable danger seized, ineptitude, petty dictatorships.

That's because there are a near infinite number of items, and if it were possible to create a guideline for each and every one, it would still be impossible for any one security guard to learn all the guidelines.

 

[Manny]

That's because there are a near infinite number of items, and if it were possible to create a guideline for each and every one, it would still be impossible for any one security guard to learn all the guidelines.

True, but I get Shecky's point that TSA training has been haphazard and inconsistent.

But hey, I was with the President (before he caved) -- turning airport security over to the Feds was a poor idea. Better to leave it in the hands of the airlines which have most to risk but hold CEO's criminally liable for failures. That would have got some senior-level attention.

 

[WildCat]

That's because there are a near infinite number of items, and if it were possible to create a guideline for each and every one, it would still be impossible for any one security guard to learn all the guidelines.

That's where common sense is supposed to kick in, unfortunately that tends to be lacking in a bureaucracy.