OMFG-d! THE RAPTURE!

[The Atheist]

It's so bizarre, it just has to be true.


For the past few weeks, my friends at the Ship of Fools have been telling me that sooner or later, I WILL find Jesus, god, the sugar-plum fairy and all the other bits. How true were those words?



Only yesterday, I was driving around thinking, "Christians have been saying for ~1975 years that this Jesus - Christ, not Rodriguez - bloke was going to be back soon.


Lots of fundies think (and always have thought) that he's due back next week, or within the next few months:

If Christ does not appear to meet his 144,000 faithful shortly after midnight on February 6th or 7th, it means that my calculations, based on the Bible, must be revised.

Margaret Rowen, Church of the Advanced Adventists, 1925


and if the Adventists were wrong, here's a small selection of others:


And a few more, thanks to this bloke.


Dec 25, 1967 Danish cult leader Knud Weiking claimed that a being named Orthon was speaking to him, saying that there would be a nuclear war by Christmas 1967 that would disturb the Earth's orbit. His followers built a survival bunker in preparation for this catastrophe.


Aug 9, 1969 Second Coming of Christ, according to George Williams, leader of the Morrisites, a 19th century branch of Mormonism. (Robbins p.77)


Nov 22, 1969 The Day of Judgement, according to Robin McPherson, who supposedly channeled an alien named Ox-Ho. (Shaw p.154)


1972 Herbert W. Armstrong's Rapture prediction #3. (Shaw p.99) 1973 David Berg (aka Moses David), guru of the Children of God (aka the Family of Love, or just "The Family"), predicted in his publication The Endtime News! the United States would be destroyed by Comet Kohoutek in 1973. (McIver #2095) Jan 1974 David Berg predicted in his so-called Mo Letters that Comet Kohoutek would destroy the US during this month. (Kyle p.145)


1975 The end of the world according to the Jehovah's Witnesses. (Kyle p.93) Herbert W. Armstrong's Rapture prediction #4. (Shaw p.99) The Rapture, as per end-time preacher Charles Taylor. This is the first in a long series of failed predictions. (Abanes p.99)

Ever since Paul saw the Lamb of God on the road to Damascus, predictions of the imminence of Jesus' return have been grossly misrepresented and overstated.


And then.....




There He was!




In bloody Penrose??

Goddidit!

 

[Tanstaafl]

Well, I'll be damned!

 

[Myriad]

Jesus was crucified on a mailbox post?

Respectfully,
Myriad

 

[The Atheist]

Jesus was crucified on a mailbox post?

Respectfully,
Myriad

Yeah, sorry mate. I know I shouldn't take the piss, but sometimes it just has to happen.

For some reason, Polynesians and Maori mainly attend quite fundie churches and are fairly bible-literalist. Several of them have blokes toting crosses around every now and then, but good spot, these guys appear to have painted theirs white, which is a bit incongruous.

I'm really disappointed one I saw last year - he was the spitting image of many a church Jesus - I didn't have my camera as he carried an unpainted cross alongside the main arterial, dressed impeccably in appropriate costume.

 

[Mr Clingford]

Probably best not to have had much sage and onion before spotting one of these blokes.

Also, I thought he was behind the sofa?

 

[Orangutan]

Eh? What are you talking about? I think your beginning to hallucinate.

(ok its kinda poor quality, I only had lunch time to do it in.)

 

[Phil]

Jesus was crucified on a mailbox post?

Respectfully,
Myriad

Either that or he stole a Century 21 sign.

 

[The Atheist]

Eh? What are you talking about? I think your beginning to hallucinate.
(ok its kinda poor quality, I only had lunch time to do it in.)

Not bad for lunchtime...