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Need super powers? Join Scientology

azazal

Ninja Wave: Techno Ninja
azazal
Joined
Nov 11, 2005
Messages
685
ahhh, yeah, ok.....:rolleyes:

Up up and away

Snippet from the article, read the whole thing for a good laugh and cry.

Under wraps for decades, Super Power now is being prepped for its eventual rollout in Scientology's massive building in downtown Clearwater. That will be the only place worldwide where the program, much anticipated by Scientologists, will be offered.

A key aim of Super Power is to enhance one's perceptions - and not just the five senses we all know - hearing, sight, touch, taste and smell.

Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard taught that people have 57 "perceptics." They include an ability to discern relative sizes, blood circulation, balance, compass direction, temperature, gravity and an "awareness of importance, unimportance."
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Do I have to stay with scientology to retain my newfound super powers? I mean it could be a sweet deal, join long enough to get the powers then drop out. ;)
 
scientologists do have super powers. Gullibility to such an unbelievable extreme has to be counted as a super power.
 
also, how can Scientology unveil any new content? One of the central parts of their doctrine is that new "tech" can only come from the "source". In other words, new scientology doctrine can only come from L Ron Hubbard.

Unless they have his head on ice somewhere, I don't see how this can be possible.
 
looks around in closet

I knew I had some Kryptonight around here somewhere now where did I leave it
 
Lamuella said:
also, how can Scientology unveil any new content? One of the central parts of their doctrine is that new "tech" can only come from the "source". In other words, new scientology doctrine can only come from L Ron Hubbard.

Unless they have his head on ice somewhere, I don't see how this can be possible.
Click to expand...

Perhaps they have found his reincarnation :p
 
Kochanski said:
Perhaps they have found his reincarnation :p
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I think it would be the best prank ever to get a redheaded 20 year old, give him a glass of rum-substitute and a pack of Kools, and get him to walk into the Scientology Celebrity Center claiming to be Ron's reincarnation.
 
another reason i think scientology is the most ludicrous "popular" religion... at least christianity is so old that people could assume "well, maybe that stuff really happened, jesus isnt here for me to test" but if you claim you have a bunch of extra senses in the current time, then someone better be able to prove it. if one of these super-power endowed people would step forward and display them in the proper testing conditions, imagine the boon to their religion. but as most everyone here knows, that will never ever ever ever ever happen.
 
They can communicate with L. Ron through telepathy or something like that. The new leaders write down his commands for him.

In fact, they started doing it before he was dead....
 
Spektator said:
"Able to leap tall sofas in a single bound!" (with apologies to Mr. Clark Kent)
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"Able to leap to ill-founded and nonsensical conclusions in a single bound," more like.

Similar apologies to all leaping superheros and to all leaping lizards everywhere.
 
I thought it was a tenet of $cientology that Hubbard wasn't dead.

I seem to remember hearing that every $cientology centre had to have a room set apart for his use, in case he ever drops in.

Can anyone confirm that?
 
Funny thing about "new tech" and "altering the tech"... and their rules against it.

One of the more famous lawsuits against scientology were from two members who suffered persecution after reporting superiors for altering the tech. They were driven from the church and sued to get their investment back. (along the way apparently regaining their senses and realizing what a sham the whole deal was).

I wish I remember if their lawsuit was successful, and whether Scientology actually paid them. maybe this was the "Not one thin dime" case?
 
A business does not survive without growth. Super powers are just a new marketing device to suck their followers' wallets empty after they have paid for all the audits, sacred texts and courses, crossing the Bridge, and Operating Thetan keychains, decals, bookcovers and T-shirts.
 
ChristineR said:
They can communicate with L. Ron through telepathy or something like that. The new leaders write down his commands for him.

In fact, they started doing it before he was dead....
Click to expand...

Basically, the church was taken away from L Ron in about 1982 by a group of scientologists headed by David Miscaviage. Until his death he was pretty much leader in name only and left to babble his crap and write terrible novels in peace.
 
gnome said:
Funny thing about "new tech" and "altering the tech"... and their rules against it.

One of the more famous lawsuits against scientology were from two members who suffered persecution after reporting superiors for altering the tech. They were driven from the church and sued to get their investment back. (along the way apparently regaining their senses and realizing what a sham the whole deal was).

I wish I remember if their lawsuit was successful, and whether Scientology actually paid them. maybe this was the "Not one thin dime" case?
Click to expand...

It might have been. If so, the plaintiff was Larry Wollersheim.

I post on a couple of boards with Arnie Lerma and he's a walking dictionary of the cult. I'll see if he knows.
 
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