Mystery Science Theater 3000 Presents: Loose Change 2nd Edition
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Frozenwolf150
Formerly SilentKnight
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Part IV – United Flight 93
Here's Part IV. I know it's kind of short, and it doesn't have any pictures to go with it, but that's because it didn't need them.
~~~~~~~~
Part IV - United Flight 93
"[Mayor] White said the plane had been moved to a secure area of [Hopkins] Airport, and was evacuated. United identified the plane as Flight 93."
-WCPO-TV, Cincinnati, 9/11/01, 11:43:57
CROW: Thus the terrorists’ plans were foiled when the plane had to stop at the airport restroom to take a leak.
Dylan: 10:06 AM. Shanksville, Pennsylvania. Flight 93 was en route from New Jersey to California with 45 passengers, when it went off course at 8:56 over Cleveland, Ohio.
MIKE: Oh man, not another one of those algebra problems where we have to figure out how far apart the planes were when they started! I was never any good at those.
Dylan: According to the official story, Flight 93 was headed for the White House, when it was overpowered by a group of passengers and crashed in Shanksville, Pennsylvania.
TOM: Moussaoui was such an attention whore, the government didn’t even NEED to pay him!
Dylan: Out of all the events of 9-11, the one that has caused the most confusion is Flight 93.
CROW: Ah, Dylan’s just confused over which side of his mouth to lie out of this time.
Dylan: It was shot down, it wasn't shot down.
MIKE: “Dedicated to the victims of 9/11, exploiting the victims of 9/11."
Dylan: However, evidence suggests that perhaps Flight 93 was nowhere near Shanksville.
TOM: Plane debris, human remains, recovered engine… Yep, other than that, there’s not a trace of evidence to be found!
FOX News Reporter: I wanna get quickly to Chris Chaniki he's a photographer with the Pittsburgh affiliate a Fox affiliate. He was back there just a couple minutes ago and Chris, I've seen the pictures, it looks like there's nothing there, except for a hole in the ground.
TOM: If the groundhog sees Flight 93’s shadow, it means six more years of fighting terr’rists!
Chris Chaniki: Basically that's right, the only thing you can see from; where we were was a big gouge in the earth, and some broken trees. You could see some people working, walking around in the area, but from where we can see there wasn't much left.
CROW: [as referee] “Penalty on Flight 93 for gouging!”
FOX News Reporter: Any large pieces of debris at all?
Chris Chaniki: No, there was nothing. Nothing that you can distinguish that a plane had crashed there.
TOM: “I don’t blame Flight 93, I wouldn’t crash within 5 miles of that one-horse town!”
FOX News Reporter: Smoke, fire?
Chris Chaniki: Nothing, it was absolutely quiet, it was actually very quiet…
MIKE: Yeah, too quiet. Usually Loud Howard comes out here for a hike at this time of day.
Chris Chaniki Cont’d: Nothing going on down there, no smoke, no fire, just a couple of people walking around. They look like part of the NTSB crew. Walking around, looking at the pieces.
MIKE: [as worker] “There’s a piece. Ooh, and another piece. And another, and… Hey wait, are we supposed to be on the job right now?”
FOX News Reporter: How big would you say that hole was?
Chris Chaniki: Ah, from my estimates, I would guess it was probably around 20 to 15 feet, ah long, and probably about 10 feet wide.
CROW: [as government official] “Copy that, this has got to be the least efficient way to dig that top secret tunnel to spy on China.”
FOX News Reporter: What could you see on the ground, if anything, other than dirt and ash and...?
TOM: “…And grass, and twigs, and bugs, and Verne Troyer.”
Chris Chaniki: You couldn't see anything. You just see dirt, ash and people walking around, broken trees.
Dylan: Wally Miller, a Somerset County coroner, told the Houston Chronicle:
“It looked like somebody just dropped a bunch of metal out of the sky.”
MIKE: [as Squirrelking] “My friend John Freeman even pointed up to top of sky and everything!”
Dylan: And as for the passengers...
“I stopped being coroner after about 20 minutes, because there were no bodies there.”
CROW: “Geez, 1500 human remains recovered and not a single BODY. How do they expect me to work in these conditions?”
Dylan: In the Pittsburgh Review...
“I have not, to this day, seen a single drop of blood. Not a drop.”
TOM: “Mostly because I was crying while cowering in the back seat of my car.”
Dylan: It would seem that, on one day, for the second time in history, an entire plane, along with its passengers, disappeared upon impact.
CROW: So if you ever want to hide Dylan’s computer from him, just break it into pieces and he’ll think it vanished!
Reporter: …No signs of any survivors at the site of the Nigerian plane crash that is the word from the Red Cross, which has a representative on site. The first pictures of the crash scene show a large crater where the Boeing 737 broke into the small pieces. The plane crashed shortly after taking off from Lagos in a heavy storm. The flight was going to the Nigerian capital of Abuja and was believed to be carrying some senior Nigerian officials.
MIKE: What’s American education coming to? First maps that still show the USSR, Yugoslavia, or West Germany, and now we’ve got kids thinking Nigeria is in Pennsylvania.
Dylan: So if Flight 93 didn't go down in Shanksville, then where?
CROW: Where now, brown cow?
Dylan: You ready for this? Cleveland. At 11:43 on September 11th, WCPO, a local TV station in Cincinnati, Ohio, reported that two planes landed at Cleveland Hopkins Airport due to a bomb threat. United Airlines identified one of the planes as Flight 93.
TOM: Yes Dylan, and Dewey still defeated Truman, even all these years later.
Dylan: Are you confused?
MIKE: Someone here is.
Dylan Cont’d: Well, it gets better. Check it out.
At approximately 10 AM, Cleveland Hopkins Airport was evacuated, amidst rumors that a hijacked plane was going to land. That was flight 1989. Passengers had to leave, but couldn't drive.
TOM: The airport bartender took their keys away for their own good.
Dylan: They had to walk or hitchhike. Buses weren't allowed to leave. People were sent home.
CROW: “I told you mugs to get designated drivers!”
Dylan: According to Associated Press and local Ohio papers, one plane landed at approximately 10:45. But Delta Airlines confirmed that their plane, Delta 1989, landed in Cleveland at 10:10. Therefore, Flight 93 landed at Cleveland at approximately 10:45.
TOM: And you’d have a point there Dylan, if Flight 93 hadn’t already CRASHED 40 minutes ago!
Dylan: Authorities searched Delta 1989 for over two hours, and passengers were questioned individually.
"Our plane was directed to an isolated area of the airport, and we waited for over two hours in quarantine before FBI agents and bomb sniffing dogs came out to the plane."
-Anonymous, September 13th, 2001,
http://256.com/gray/thoughts/2001/20010912/
CROW: [as FBI agent] “Sir, did you pack your own bags?”
TOM: [as passenger] “No, Allah packed my bags, now may I please go?”
Dylan: The Plain Dealer reported that the plane was evacuated at 12:30.
MIKE: Many passengers were disappointed to find that their CIA pensions didn’t include dental coverage.
Dylan: But the Akron Beacon reports that a plane was evacuated at 11:15. Which would make that Flight 93.
TOM: Able to leap to tall conclusions in a single bound! It’s Super Dylan!
Dylan: Mayor White reported that the plane had 200 passengers.
CROW: Okay, so the 78 people, plus 122 MF-ing SNAKES makes 200!
Dylan: But a passenger from Delta 1989 describes 60 or so passengers. So at 11:15, 200 or so passengers were released from Flight 93.
TOM: So in truther logic, passengers can not only come back to life, but also multiply rapidly in less than a couple hours. Makes sense to me!
Dylan: The passenger from Delta 1989 states that she was taken into FAA headquarters. But other reports say that passengers were brought into the NASA Glenn Research Center located near the west end of the airport, which had already been evacuated.
MIKE: Where according to the same reports, they came across a top-secret movie studio containing a black backdrop, a lander, and an American flag.
Dylan: So, to sum up. Delta 1989 landed at 10:10…
CROW: “—220, for no monthly fees!”
Dylan Cont’d: …Was evacuated at 12:30, almost two and a half hours later, and 69 passengers were taken to FAA Headquarters. Flight 93 landed at 10:45 and evacuated within a half hour, 200 or so passengers quickly taken to an empty NASA Research Center.
TOM: Come on NASA, how much more information can you possibly stand to gain from anal probing?
Dylan: Why did it take 140 minutes to evacuate 69 passengers, when 200 were evacuated in a half hour? We can assume that the passengers from Delta 1989 are safe somewhere.
CROW: Well fine, if you would prefer they DIDN’T sterilize the probes before trying them on the next batch of subjects.
Dylan: The question remains, what happened to the 200 or so passengers from Flight 93? It's interesting to note that the combined total of all the passengers from all four flights is 198. Or 243. Depending on who you ask.
CROW: I knew it! All along it was Dylan’s math scores that kept him from passing film school!
Dylan: We may never know what really happened to Flight 93.
TOM: Obviously before crashing near Shanksville, it flew in one ear and out the other.
MIKE: That’s a relief. Now we know that if Dylan, Jason, and Korey ever end up burned to a crisp after a plane crash, we can safely assume they’re alive and well.
[Mike picks up Tom, Crow gets up, and the three exeunt for the third break.]
[End of Part IV]
Here's Part IV. I know it's kind of short, and it doesn't have any pictures to go with it, but that's because it didn't need them.
~~~~~~~~
Part IV - United Flight 93
"[Mayor] White said the plane had been moved to a secure area of [Hopkins] Airport, and was evacuated. United identified the plane as Flight 93."
-WCPO-TV, Cincinnati, 9/11/01, 11:43:57
CROW: Thus the terrorists’ plans were foiled when the plane had to stop at the airport restroom to take a leak.
Dylan: 10:06 AM. Shanksville, Pennsylvania. Flight 93 was en route from New Jersey to California with 45 passengers, when it went off course at 8:56 over Cleveland, Ohio.
MIKE: Oh man, not another one of those algebra problems where we have to figure out how far apart the planes were when they started! I was never any good at those.
Dylan: According to the official story, Flight 93 was headed for the White House, when it was overpowered by a group of passengers and crashed in Shanksville, Pennsylvania.
TOM: Moussaoui was such an attention whore, the government didn’t even NEED to pay him!
Dylan: Out of all the events of 9-11, the one that has caused the most confusion is Flight 93.
CROW: Ah, Dylan’s just confused over which side of his mouth to lie out of this time.
Dylan: It was shot down, it wasn't shot down.
MIKE: “Dedicated to the victims of 9/11, exploiting the victims of 9/11."
Dylan: However, evidence suggests that perhaps Flight 93 was nowhere near Shanksville.
TOM: Plane debris, human remains, recovered engine… Yep, other than that, there’s not a trace of evidence to be found!
FOX News Reporter: I wanna get quickly to Chris Chaniki he's a photographer with the Pittsburgh affiliate a Fox affiliate. He was back there just a couple minutes ago and Chris, I've seen the pictures, it looks like there's nothing there, except for a hole in the ground.
TOM: If the groundhog sees Flight 93’s shadow, it means six more years of fighting terr’rists!
Chris Chaniki: Basically that's right, the only thing you can see from; where we were was a big gouge in the earth, and some broken trees. You could see some people working, walking around in the area, but from where we can see there wasn't much left.
CROW: [as referee] “Penalty on Flight 93 for gouging!”
FOX News Reporter: Any large pieces of debris at all?
Chris Chaniki: No, there was nothing. Nothing that you can distinguish that a plane had crashed there.
TOM: “I don’t blame Flight 93, I wouldn’t crash within 5 miles of that one-horse town!”
FOX News Reporter: Smoke, fire?
Chris Chaniki: Nothing, it was absolutely quiet, it was actually very quiet…
MIKE: Yeah, too quiet. Usually Loud Howard comes out here for a hike at this time of day.
Chris Chaniki Cont’d: Nothing going on down there, no smoke, no fire, just a couple of people walking around. They look like part of the NTSB crew. Walking around, looking at the pieces.
MIKE: [as worker] “There’s a piece. Ooh, and another piece. And another, and… Hey wait, are we supposed to be on the job right now?”
FOX News Reporter: How big would you say that hole was?
Chris Chaniki: Ah, from my estimates, I would guess it was probably around 20 to 15 feet, ah long, and probably about 10 feet wide.
CROW: [as government official] “Copy that, this has got to be the least efficient way to dig that top secret tunnel to spy on China.”
FOX News Reporter: What could you see on the ground, if anything, other than dirt and ash and...?
TOM: “…And grass, and twigs, and bugs, and Verne Troyer.”
Chris Chaniki: You couldn't see anything. You just see dirt, ash and people walking around, broken trees.
Dylan: Wally Miller, a Somerset County coroner, told the Houston Chronicle:
“It looked like somebody just dropped a bunch of metal out of the sky.”
MIKE: [as Squirrelking] “My friend John Freeman even pointed up to top of sky and everything!”
Dylan: And as for the passengers...
“I stopped being coroner after about 20 minutes, because there were no bodies there.”
CROW: “Geez, 1500 human remains recovered and not a single BODY. How do they expect me to work in these conditions?”
Dylan: In the Pittsburgh Review...
“I have not, to this day, seen a single drop of blood. Not a drop.”
TOM: “Mostly because I was crying while cowering in the back seat of my car.”
Dylan: It would seem that, on one day, for the second time in history, an entire plane, along with its passengers, disappeared upon impact.
CROW: So if you ever want to hide Dylan’s computer from him, just break it into pieces and he’ll think it vanished!
Reporter: …No signs of any survivors at the site of the Nigerian plane crash that is the word from the Red Cross, which has a representative on site. The first pictures of the crash scene show a large crater where the Boeing 737 broke into the small pieces. The plane crashed shortly after taking off from Lagos in a heavy storm. The flight was going to the Nigerian capital of Abuja and was believed to be carrying some senior Nigerian officials.
MIKE: What’s American education coming to? First maps that still show the USSR, Yugoslavia, or West Germany, and now we’ve got kids thinking Nigeria is in Pennsylvania.
Dylan: So if Flight 93 didn't go down in Shanksville, then where?
CROW: Where now, brown cow?
Dylan: You ready for this? Cleveland. At 11:43 on September 11th, WCPO, a local TV station in Cincinnati, Ohio, reported that two planes landed at Cleveland Hopkins Airport due to a bomb threat. United Airlines identified one of the planes as Flight 93.
TOM: Yes Dylan, and Dewey still defeated Truman, even all these years later.
Dylan: Are you confused?
MIKE: Someone here is.
Dylan Cont’d: Well, it gets better. Check it out.
At approximately 10 AM, Cleveland Hopkins Airport was evacuated, amidst rumors that a hijacked plane was going to land. That was flight 1989. Passengers had to leave, but couldn't drive.
TOM: The airport bartender took their keys away for their own good.
Dylan: They had to walk or hitchhike. Buses weren't allowed to leave. People were sent home.
CROW: “I told you mugs to get designated drivers!”
Dylan: According to Associated Press and local Ohio papers, one plane landed at approximately 10:45. But Delta Airlines confirmed that their plane, Delta 1989, landed in Cleveland at 10:10. Therefore, Flight 93 landed at Cleveland at approximately 10:45.
TOM: And you’d have a point there Dylan, if Flight 93 hadn’t already CRASHED 40 minutes ago!
Dylan: Authorities searched Delta 1989 for over two hours, and passengers were questioned individually.
"Our plane was directed to an isolated area of the airport, and we waited for over two hours in quarantine before FBI agents and bomb sniffing dogs came out to the plane."
-Anonymous, September 13th, 2001,
http://256.com/gray/thoughts/2001/20010912/
CROW: [as FBI agent] “Sir, did you pack your own bags?”
TOM: [as passenger] “No, Allah packed my bags, now may I please go?”
Dylan: The Plain Dealer reported that the plane was evacuated at 12:30.
MIKE: Many passengers were disappointed to find that their CIA pensions didn’t include dental coverage.
Dylan: But the Akron Beacon reports that a plane was evacuated at 11:15. Which would make that Flight 93.
TOM: Able to leap to tall conclusions in a single bound! It’s Super Dylan!
Dylan: Mayor White reported that the plane had 200 passengers.
CROW: Okay, so the 78 people, plus 122 MF-ing SNAKES makes 200!
Dylan: But a passenger from Delta 1989 describes 60 or so passengers. So at 11:15, 200 or so passengers were released from Flight 93.
TOM: So in truther logic, passengers can not only come back to life, but also multiply rapidly in less than a couple hours. Makes sense to me!
Dylan: The passenger from Delta 1989 states that she was taken into FAA headquarters. But other reports say that passengers were brought into the NASA Glenn Research Center located near the west end of the airport, which had already been evacuated.
MIKE: Where according to the same reports, they came across a top-secret movie studio containing a black backdrop, a lander, and an American flag.
Dylan: So, to sum up. Delta 1989 landed at 10:10…
CROW: “—220, for no monthly fees!”
Dylan Cont’d: …Was evacuated at 12:30, almost two and a half hours later, and 69 passengers were taken to FAA Headquarters. Flight 93 landed at 10:45 and evacuated within a half hour, 200 or so passengers quickly taken to an empty NASA Research Center.
TOM: Come on NASA, how much more information can you possibly stand to gain from anal probing?
Dylan: Why did it take 140 minutes to evacuate 69 passengers, when 200 were evacuated in a half hour? We can assume that the passengers from Delta 1989 are safe somewhere.
CROW: Well fine, if you would prefer they DIDN’T sterilize the probes before trying them on the next batch of subjects.
Dylan: The question remains, what happened to the 200 or so passengers from Flight 93? It's interesting to note that the combined total of all the passengers from all four flights is 198. Or 243. Depending on who you ask.
CROW: I knew it! All along it was Dylan’s math scores that kept him from passing film school!
Dylan: We may never know what really happened to Flight 93.
TOM: Obviously before crashing near Shanksville, it flew in one ear and out the other.
MIKE: That’s a relief. Now we know that if Dylan, Jason, and Korey ever end up burned to a crisp after a plane crash, we can safely assume they’re alive and well.
[Mike picks up Tom, Crow gets up, and the three exeunt for the third break.]
[End of Part IV]
Last edited:
Frozenwolf150
Formerly SilentKnight
- Joined
- Dec 10, 2007
- Messages
- 4,134
Part V – Flight Recorders, Cell Phone Calls, Miscellany
OK I know we've been dragging our feet on this, but Part V is mostly done. Since it's a fairly large section, I've split it into 2 parts, if only to give me more time to write the concluding host segment. And yes, I swiped some of the dialogue from the kooks at Infowars.com.
Enjoy.
~~~~~~~~
Part V – Flight Recorders, Cell Phone Calls, Miscellany
[Mike and the bots have gathered on the bridge, where there are new charts and a TV screen strewn about. Instead of the convoluted conspiracy chart though, there’s a chart similar to the evolutionary phase picture, starting with an ape at one end and a caricature of Osama Bin Laden at the other. Tom has the pointer stick in his hands again despite the uselessness of his arms.]
MIKE: Okay guys, I know Dylan has a lot of crazy things to say, but I’m sure even he knows terrorists exist.
TOM: Oh Mike, your belief in the strange etheric realm of the terrorist is heartening but misplaced. You’re forgetting we have a duty to do research first to find if these elusive beings are fact or folktale.
CROW: Oh Tom, please, if terrorists were real you’d need a sustainable population and environment and actual live specimens being dissected in a lab somewhere instead of a bunch of old wives’ tales.
TOM: Now, now Crow, those “Old Wives’ Tales” are merely motives for a more genuine investigation of this mysterious savage animal. This presentation might open your mind to the possibility of such sneaky predators.
CROW: Then you’d better drop an anvil of evidence on my head Servo, you know we usually only have two minutes to cover stuff like this.
TOM: Then stop interrupting me so I can drop that entirely proverbial anvil.
[Tom hovers over to the TV screen, switches it on, and a facsimile of the Patterson-Gimlin film appears onscreen. In the distance we can see a “terrorist,” obviously played by Kevin Murphy, walking at a brisk pace through a wooded area. He is wearing a white turban, a fake beard, camouflage fatigues, and has an AK-47 slung over his shoulder. Much like his Bigfoot counterpart, he occasionally looks over his shoulder but disregards the camera each time.]
TOM: [Narrating] The terrorist is a stealthy and silent creature and is often more discreet than this when in the presence of other humans. It was a sheer stroke of luck that the owner of this camera could get this rare footage of the terrorist in its natural habitat, likely out looking for food. Cryptozoologists surmise it subsists on a diet of falafel, goat milk, and hummus, though admittedly this is all speculation due to the reclusive nature of the terrorist.
[Cuts away as Crow interrupts Tom]
CROW: [Interrupting] Since there aren’t any remains left due to that excuse saying that terrorists spontaneously combust with death.
TOM: Crow, please if you could save your questions for after the lecture?
CROW: Hell no! All you’ve been doing is assuming all of this on the basis that Al-Qaeda exists.
MIKE: Crow, what are you talking about?
[Crow takes a long dramatic deep breath, and then begins speaking at a rapid pace.]
CROW: What I’m saying is that an organization by the name of "Al-Qaeda" does not exist and has never existed outside a falsely coined collective term for offshoot loose knit terror cells, the majority of which are guided by the Pakistani ISI, Mossad, the Saudis, MI6 and the CIA, that were created in response to America's actions after 9/11 - as the recent NIE report shows.
TOM: Wait, the CIA and MI6 are behind it all? But what about the footage of real live terrorists, like the kind in my video, or that we’ve all seen on the news?
CROW: It’s simple. According to the BBC documentary The Power of Nightmares, the infamous footage of Bin Laden marching around with armed soldiers was a ruse on the part of Osama himself, graciously propagated by the lapdog press, in which actors were hired off the streets, given uniforms and guns and told to look aggressive.
TOM: But if the group itself doesn’t exist, then where did the name Al-Qaeda come from?
CROW: You’ve probably heard before that "Al-Qaeda" roughly translates into "the base," but were you aware that "Ana raicha Al Qaeda" is Arabic colloquial for "I'm going to the toilet"? I have it on good authority! The truth about where the name "Al-Qaeda" originated explains why no would-be fundamentalist suicide martyr could have been involved in its creation.
MIKE: Come on now, that does sound a little absurd.
TOM: But does Al Qaeda mean “I’m going to” or “the toilet”?
CROW: Former Leader of the House of Commons Robin Cook stated, "Al-Qaeda, literally ‘the database,’ was originally the computer file of the thousands of Mujahideen who were recruited and trained with help from the CIA to defeat the Russians."
TOM: Oh please, who keeps track of that many red-killing redshirts?
CROW: Also, former French Military Intelligence official Pierre Henry Bunel expands, noting that "Al-Qaida" was an early form of intranet, which was used by Islamic nations and influential families to communicate with each other. It was also used by the "American agent" Osama bin Laden to send coded or covert messages back to his CIA handlers from Afghanistan.
TOM: Crow, you know as well as I do that if Al-Qaeda was really an early form of intranet, Bin Laden would have spent all his time on it looking at pics of ladies who show off their wrists and ankles.
CROW: Bunel concludes, "The truth is, there is no Islamic army or terrorist group called Al Qaida. And any informed intelligence officer knows this. But there is a propaganda campaign to make the public believe in the presence of an identified entity representing the 'devil' only in order to drive the 'TV watcher' to accept a unified international leadership for a war against terrorism. The country behind this propaganda is the US and the lobbyists for the US war on terrorism are only interested in making money."
TOM: Ah forget it, I give up. Some people just don’t know how to recognize real evidence when it’s staring them right in the face. [Hovers off]
CROW: Yeah, that’s right! Whew. You know, I could sure go for some coffee after having to put up with all of Tom’s ridiculous arguments.
[A man wearing a white turban, a fake beard, and camouflage fatigues, holding an AK-47 slung over his shoulder, enters and hands Crow a cup of hot coffee, before promptly leaving. Crow doesn’t seem to notice his odd appearance.]
CROW: Oh hey, thanks. [Takes a sip] Hmm, could use a little sugar. Hey wait a minute, who was that?
[The alarms flash.]
MIKE: That’ll have to wait until later. We’ve got movie sign!
[Crow hastily sets down his coffee, spilling some of it on Tom’s evolutionary chart. Cue the door sequence.]
7...
6...
5...
4...
3...
2...
1...
[Mike and the bots slowly mope back into the theater for the final segment of the film.]
Dylan: But we do know what didn't happen.
MIKE: What, everything you’ve spent the past hour, one minute, and thirty five seconds talking about?
"The U.S. government has consistently blamed me for being behind every [attack]. I would like to assure the world that I did not plan the recent attacks, which seems to have been planned by people for personal reasons. I have been living in the Islamic emirate of Afghanistan and following its leaders' rules. The current leader does not allow me to exercise such operations."
-Osama bin Laden, from a statement issued to Al Jazeera within days of the 9-11 attacks
CROW: [as truther] “So Mr. bin Laden—You’re saying you had nothing to do with the attacks?”
TOM: [as Osama] “Of course I didn’t. My schedule was tied up. Kidney dialysis at the clinic in one cave, recording a new video at the studio in another cave, and stopping for a massage at the health spa in yet another cave.”
CROW: [as truther] “Well, that’s all the proof I need!”
Dylan: Whenever this evidence is presented to people, you'll usually get one of many different questions.
TOM: Such as, “So when are you going to present any evidence?”
Dylan: The first one being, if different planes were used, what happened to the original ones?
CROW: Eh, they just shut off the hologram projectors after the micro nukes hit the towers.
Dylan: Unfortunately, we may never know what really happened. But if we could examine the black boxes from the planes that were used, we could prove that they weren't the original flights.
MIKE: Let you look at them? No way, you’d probably misplace them as easily as your brains!
Dylan: A commercial plane carries two different black boxes. Each black box carries one of two different recorders, a cockpit voice recorder and a flight data recorder. The cockpit voice recorder records sounds from inside the cockpit, including engine noise, stall warnings, and other sounds of interest. Communications between Air Traffic Control, weather briefings and conversations between pilots and crew are also recorded. The flight data recorder records at least 28 different parameters, such as time, altitude, speed and heading. Some also record more than 300 other in-flight characteristics, anything from auto-pilot to smoke alarms.
TOM: Wuh-wait! Where’d Dylan go?! Who’s this guy stating all these facts in a row without screwing up once?
Dylan: The recorders themselves are made from the most impervious metals known to man, and the information is recorded along with date and time, and spooled into a continuous roll. Any damage that is done to the roll is done to the outside, as opposed to the inside where the data is.
TOM: Awww! Now there you go, you blew it!
CROW: Impervious metals? Like the kind a truther’s skull is made out of?
Dylan: The 9-11 Commission says "The CVRs and FDRs from American 11 and United 175 were not found..."
Yet, the FBI claims to have found the passport of Satam al-Suqami, which managed to fly out of his pocket, through the explosion and onto the streets of Manhattan below.
TOM: Nice that Dylan is so concerned about a passport. But the human remains—meh, those didn’t belong to anyone Dylan considers important.
Dylan: So, four different black boxes, made from the most resilient materials known to man, were destroyed. Yet, a passport, made from a fragile material known as paper, managed to survive? Who writes this stuff?
MIKE: Oh come on! Roland Emmerich had far less probable plot points.
Dylan: Ted Lopatkiewicz, spokesman for the National Transportation Safety Board, told CBS News that,
"It's extremely rare that we don't get the recorders back. I can't recall another domestic case in which we did not recover the recorders."
CROW: [as Ted Lopatkiewicz] "Then again, it's also extremely rare for two airliners to crash at top speed into skyscrapers, so I guess that... Hey wait, Dylan? What are you doing? How am I supposed to talk with that sock in my mouth? Mmffmffmp mfffmp ppffmffmp!"
Dylan: Turns out Ted's right. Nicholas Demasi, a firefighter who helped the recovery efforts claims in the book Behind the Scenes: Ground Zero,
“At one point I was assigned to take Federal Agents around the site. To search for the black boxes from the planes. There were a total of four black boxes. We found three.”
MIKE: [as Demasi] “Hey look! Somehow the three black boxes just happened to be lying atop the 2 billion pounds of rubble for me to find! Boy, that sure saves me a lot of trouble.”
Dylan: I guess it all comes down to who you'd rather believe.
TOM: Trust me Dylan, we’ve been keeping score, and you don’t want to know what yours is.
Dylan: FBI Director Robert Mueller said Flight 77's data recorder provided altitude, speed, headings and other information, but the voice recorder contained nothing useful. And Donald Rumsfeld said the data on the cockpit voice recorder was unrecoverable.
CROW: That’s gotta be it! The CVR is where those weapons of mass destruction are hiding! No wonder Rumsfeld couldn’t find anything.
Dylan: As for Flight 93, it was the only flight where the cockpit voice recorder was recovered. It was played for the families in April, 2002, but not before they signed an agreement saying that they wouldn't talk about it. They couldn't even take notes.
TOM: I get it. The families used sign language and pictographs to tell the press that the Flight 93 tapes prove heroism.
Dylan: And for some reason, the last three minutes of the tape was unaccounted for. The FBI had no explanation for the discrepancy.
MIKE: But for some other inexplicable reason, an extra three minutes of bonus tape appeared at the beginning!
Dylan: Why would the 9-11 Commission tell us Flight 11 and 175's recorders weren't found? Why would Robert Mueller tell us that there's nothing interesting on Flight 77s? What's on the last three minutes of Flight 93's cockpit voice recorder? These are vital questions that need to be answered.
TOM: Oh, I know! 1) Because they weren’t; 2) because it was severely burned; 3) yo momma; and 4) only for those who still don’t know why the planes crashed.
Dylan: It's an interesting postscript that Flight 93 was spotted on April 10th, 2003 at Chicago's O'Hare by David Friedman, a United Airlines employee who records all of his flights.
MIKE: Man, that guy must have some boring home movies.
Dylan: The tail number, N591UA was spotted on Flight 1111, a United Airlines 757. And according to the FAA, both N591UA and N612UA, Flights 93 and 175, are still valid. But Flights 11 and 77 are listed as destroyed. Not to mention that they were not even scheduled to fly on September 11th.
CROW: Shame on them for keeping RECORDS! A real conspirator ALWAYS covers his tracks! That’s the American way!
Dylan: Next. What about the cell phone calls? For starters, the calls themselves are extremely peculiar. Most of them are only a couple sentences long, before the callers end the conversation, only to call back later.
MIKE: Because terrorists are SO generous to their hostages, right Dylan? I hear they give you free unlimited minutes in a hostage situation!
TOM: I guess we know whose side Loose Change is on.
Dylan: Flight Attendant Betty Ong allegedly placed a call from Flight 11. According to the 9-11 Commission, although the conversation lasted 23 minutes, only 4 and a half minutes was recorded.
CROW: Didn’t Dylan “allegedly” go to film school?
Operator: What is your name?
Betty Ong: Ok, my name is Betty Ong. I'm number 3 on Flight 11.
Operator: Okay.
Betty Ong: And the cockpit is not answering their phone. And there's somebody stabbed in business class. And there's... We can't breathe in business class. Somebody's got mace or something. Okay. Our number 1 got stabbed. Our purser is stabbed. Nobody knows who stabbed who, and we can't even get up to business class right now cause nobody can breathe. Our number 1 is stabbed right now. And who else is…
Operator: Okay, and do we…
Betty Ong: …and our number 5 …our first class passengers are …first class …galley flight attendant and our purser has been stabbed. And we can't get into the cockpit, the door won't open.
CROW: No, no, you’re not supposed to remain CALM in an emergency situation, you’re supposed to PANIC and scream so that it sounds convincing to any truthers who might be listening!
Dylan: Does Ms. Ong sound like a woman on a hijacked plane who just saw three people murdered? Why is nobody in the background screaming?
TOM: Yeah Dylan, just because YOU scream like a little girl whenever something frightens you…
Dylan: Flight attendant Madeline Sweeney allegedly talked with her ground manager Michael Woodward for 25 minutes. She describes 4 hijackers. The FBI says there were 5. She says the hijackers were in rows 9 and 10. The FAA says there were all in row 8. Near the end, she screams, "I see buildings. Water. Oh my God!" Madeline was a flight attendant out of Boston for twelve years. I think she would have recognized Manhattan.
MIKE: I get it, today is Opposite Day, so to show his respect for the victims of 9/11, Dylan is going to direct venomous sneering sarcasm at them.
Dylan: A man claiming to be Mark Bingham called his mother, Alice, who was visiting his sister-in-law. The caller says, "Mom? This is Mark Bingham." When was the last time you called your mother and used your full name?
CROW: [mocking Dylan] “Hi mom, this is Dylan Avery, and I’m in my underwear, and I was thinking about you, and touching myself…”
Dylan Cont’d: "I just want to tell you that I love you. I'm on a flight from Newark to San Francisco and there are three guys on board and they have taken over the plane and they say they have a bomb. I'm calling you from the Airphone," and then "You believe me, don't you, Mom?" "Yes Mark, I believe you, who are these guys?" Then he was interrupted by someone who was speaking in a low-toned male voice, speaking what sounded like English.
MIKE: [as Jason Bermas] “Sorry Dylan, that was just me. I finally hit puberty!”
Dylan: After 30 seconds of muffled sounds, the caller repeats "I'm calling you with an Airphone." His mother asks him again, "Who are these guys?" After another pause he returns and asks again, "You believe me, don't you, Mom?" There was another pause, and the phone just trailed off.
TOM: Word of advice Dylan. Next time, interview the families of victims first, before you accuse them of being shills!
Dylan: To date, none of the calls, except for Betty Ong's call to American Airlines, has been released to the public.
MIKE: So the government faked the calls, but deliberately held onto them? Boy, what an ill-coordinated conspiracy.
Dylan: But to be honest, none of that matters. Why? Because none of these calls could have taken place.
CROW: I get it. The fewer victims he claims there were, the fewer people he actually has to dedicate his film to. Lazy ass.
Dylan: Kee Dewdney of Physics911.net conducted some research of his own.
MIKE: Obi-Wan Kee Dewdney.
Dylan: In an experiment called Project Achilles…
TOM: Hmph, Hector never gets any attention.
Dylan Cont’d: …he took a series of cell phones onto a Cessna 172 and flew up to 8,000 feet to determine the success rate as the plane got higher.
CROW: I guess Airfones are like cake: They’re a LIE!
Dylan: At 4,000 feet he had a .4 success rate. At 8,000 feet he had a .1 success rate. For 32,000 feet, cruising altitude for a commercial airliner, he calculated a .006 success rate. Less than one in a hundredth of a chance.
TOM: Now I kind of feel kind of sorry for that bozo, having to make more than 100,000 calls before he could even connect with one.
Dylan: Don't believe me? Even American Airlines has put their foot in the government's mouth.
CROW: [as Dylan] “You’re doing it all wrong! I’ll SHOW you how to put your foot in your own mouth!”
Dylan: On July 15th, 2004, passengers aboard a commercial American Airlines flight were able to send and receive calls from their cell phones as if they were on the ground, thanks to a cell station that was installed into the plane.
“It worked great. I called the office. I called my wife. I called a friend in Paris. They all heard me great, and I could hear them loud and clear.”
MIKE: “Can you hear me now? Good. Can you hear me now?”
TOM: Don’t even say it—
Dylan: Why would American Airlines spend thousands of dollars on this technology in 2004 when cell phones worked so well on September 11th, 2001?
TOM: Obviously it was so that passengers could make FAKE cell phone calls more easily whenever an emergency comes up.
Dylan: The cell phone calls were fake. No question about it.
CROW: Just like that silicone implant that makes up Dylan’s head from the eyebrows-up?
Dylan: So how is it possible to fake a person's voice? In 1999, the Los Alamos Laboratory in New Mexico revealed their voice morphing technology. General Carl W. Steiner, the former Commander-in-chief of U.S. Special Operations declared on tape:
“Gentlemen! We have called you together to inform you that we are going to overthrow the United States government.”
CROW: “You have no chance to survive make your time. Ha ha ha ha….”
Dylan: Another example was Colin Powell saying, "I am being treated well by my captors." With just a 10-minute recording of somebody's voice, they are able, in almost real time, to clone someone's speech. Steiner was so impressed, he asked for a copy.
TOM: You know, we could fake Dylan’s voice to make it sound like he’s making a complete ass out of himself, but that wouldn’t be necessary at this point.
~~~~~~~~
...More to come!
OK I know we've been dragging our feet on this, but Part V is mostly done. Since it's a fairly large section, I've split it into 2 parts, if only to give me more time to write the concluding host segment. And yes, I swiped some of the dialogue from the kooks at Infowars.com.
Enjoy.
~~~~~~~~
Part V – Flight Recorders, Cell Phone Calls, Miscellany
[Mike and the bots have gathered on the bridge, where there are new charts and a TV screen strewn about. Instead of the convoluted conspiracy chart though, there’s a chart similar to the evolutionary phase picture, starting with an ape at one end and a caricature of Osama Bin Laden at the other. Tom has the pointer stick in his hands again despite the uselessness of his arms.]
MIKE: Okay guys, I know Dylan has a lot of crazy things to say, but I’m sure even he knows terrorists exist.
TOM: Oh Mike, your belief in the strange etheric realm of the terrorist is heartening but misplaced. You’re forgetting we have a duty to do research first to find if these elusive beings are fact or folktale.
CROW: Oh Tom, please, if terrorists were real you’d need a sustainable population and environment and actual live specimens being dissected in a lab somewhere instead of a bunch of old wives’ tales.
TOM: Now, now Crow, those “Old Wives’ Tales” are merely motives for a more genuine investigation of this mysterious savage animal. This presentation might open your mind to the possibility of such sneaky predators.
CROW: Then you’d better drop an anvil of evidence on my head Servo, you know we usually only have two minutes to cover stuff like this.
TOM: Then stop interrupting me so I can drop that entirely proverbial anvil.
[Tom hovers over to the TV screen, switches it on, and a facsimile of the Patterson-Gimlin film appears onscreen. In the distance we can see a “terrorist,” obviously played by Kevin Murphy, walking at a brisk pace through a wooded area. He is wearing a white turban, a fake beard, camouflage fatigues, and has an AK-47 slung over his shoulder. Much like his Bigfoot counterpart, he occasionally looks over his shoulder but disregards the camera each time.]
TOM: [Narrating] The terrorist is a stealthy and silent creature and is often more discreet than this when in the presence of other humans. It was a sheer stroke of luck that the owner of this camera could get this rare footage of the terrorist in its natural habitat, likely out looking for food. Cryptozoologists surmise it subsists on a diet of falafel, goat milk, and hummus, though admittedly this is all speculation due to the reclusive nature of the terrorist.
[Cuts away as Crow interrupts Tom]
CROW: [Interrupting] Since there aren’t any remains left due to that excuse saying that terrorists spontaneously combust with death.
TOM: Crow, please if you could save your questions for after the lecture?
CROW: Hell no! All you’ve been doing is assuming all of this on the basis that Al-Qaeda exists.
MIKE: Crow, what are you talking about?
[Crow takes a long dramatic deep breath, and then begins speaking at a rapid pace.]
CROW: What I’m saying is that an organization by the name of "Al-Qaeda" does not exist and has never existed outside a falsely coined collective term for offshoot loose knit terror cells, the majority of which are guided by the Pakistani ISI, Mossad, the Saudis, MI6 and the CIA, that were created in response to America's actions after 9/11 - as the recent NIE report shows.
TOM: Wait, the CIA and MI6 are behind it all? But what about the footage of real live terrorists, like the kind in my video, or that we’ve all seen on the news?
CROW: It’s simple. According to the BBC documentary The Power of Nightmares, the infamous footage of Bin Laden marching around with armed soldiers was a ruse on the part of Osama himself, graciously propagated by the lapdog press, in which actors were hired off the streets, given uniforms and guns and told to look aggressive.
TOM: But if the group itself doesn’t exist, then where did the name Al-Qaeda come from?
CROW: You’ve probably heard before that "Al-Qaeda" roughly translates into "the base," but were you aware that "Ana raicha Al Qaeda" is Arabic colloquial for "I'm going to the toilet"? I have it on good authority! The truth about where the name "Al-Qaeda" originated explains why no would-be fundamentalist suicide martyr could have been involved in its creation.
MIKE: Come on now, that does sound a little absurd.
TOM: But does Al Qaeda mean “I’m going to” or “the toilet”?
CROW: Former Leader of the House of Commons Robin Cook stated, "Al-Qaeda, literally ‘the database,’ was originally the computer file of the thousands of Mujahideen who were recruited and trained with help from the CIA to defeat the Russians."
TOM: Oh please, who keeps track of that many red-killing redshirts?
CROW: Also, former French Military Intelligence official Pierre Henry Bunel expands, noting that "Al-Qaida" was an early form of intranet, which was used by Islamic nations and influential families to communicate with each other. It was also used by the "American agent" Osama bin Laden to send coded or covert messages back to his CIA handlers from Afghanistan.
TOM: Crow, you know as well as I do that if Al-Qaeda was really an early form of intranet, Bin Laden would have spent all his time on it looking at pics of ladies who show off their wrists and ankles.
CROW: Bunel concludes, "The truth is, there is no Islamic army or terrorist group called Al Qaida. And any informed intelligence officer knows this. But there is a propaganda campaign to make the public believe in the presence of an identified entity representing the 'devil' only in order to drive the 'TV watcher' to accept a unified international leadership for a war against terrorism. The country behind this propaganda is the US and the lobbyists for the US war on terrorism are only interested in making money."
TOM: Ah forget it, I give up. Some people just don’t know how to recognize real evidence when it’s staring them right in the face. [Hovers off]
CROW: Yeah, that’s right! Whew. You know, I could sure go for some coffee after having to put up with all of Tom’s ridiculous arguments.
[A man wearing a white turban, a fake beard, and camouflage fatigues, holding an AK-47 slung over his shoulder, enters and hands Crow a cup of hot coffee, before promptly leaving. Crow doesn’t seem to notice his odd appearance.]
CROW: Oh hey, thanks. [Takes a sip] Hmm, could use a little sugar. Hey wait a minute, who was that?
[The alarms flash.]
MIKE: That’ll have to wait until later. We’ve got movie sign!
[Crow hastily sets down his coffee, spilling some of it on Tom’s evolutionary chart. Cue the door sequence.]
7...
6...
5...
4...
3...
2...
1...
[Mike and the bots slowly mope back into the theater for the final segment of the film.]
Dylan: But we do know what didn't happen.
MIKE: What, everything you’ve spent the past hour, one minute, and thirty five seconds talking about?
"The U.S. government has consistently blamed me for being behind every [attack]. I would like to assure the world that I did not plan the recent attacks, which seems to have been planned by people for personal reasons. I have been living in the Islamic emirate of Afghanistan and following its leaders' rules. The current leader does not allow me to exercise such operations."
-Osama bin Laden, from a statement issued to Al Jazeera within days of the 9-11 attacks
CROW: [as truther] “So Mr. bin Laden—You’re saying you had nothing to do with the attacks?”
TOM: [as Osama] “Of course I didn’t. My schedule was tied up. Kidney dialysis at the clinic in one cave, recording a new video at the studio in another cave, and stopping for a massage at the health spa in yet another cave.”
CROW: [as truther] “Well, that’s all the proof I need!”
Dylan: Whenever this evidence is presented to people, you'll usually get one of many different questions.
TOM: Such as, “So when are you going to present any evidence?”
Dylan: The first one being, if different planes were used, what happened to the original ones?
CROW: Eh, they just shut off the hologram projectors after the micro nukes hit the towers.
Dylan: Unfortunately, we may never know what really happened. But if we could examine the black boxes from the planes that were used, we could prove that they weren't the original flights.
MIKE: Let you look at them? No way, you’d probably misplace them as easily as your brains!
Dylan: A commercial plane carries two different black boxes. Each black box carries one of two different recorders, a cockpit voice recorder and a flight data recorder. The cockpit voice recorder records sounds from inside the cockpit, including engine noise, stall warnings, and other sounds of interest. Communications between Air Traffic Control, weather briefings and conversations between pilots and crew are also recorded. The flight data recorder records at least 28 different parameters, such as time, altitude, speed and heading. Some also record more than 300 other in-flight characteristics, anything from auto-pilot to smoke alarms.
TOM: Wuh-wait! Where’d Dylan go?! Who’s this guy stating all these facts in a row without screwing up once?
Dylan: The recorders themselves are made from the most impervious metals known to man, and the information is recorded along with date and time, and spooled into a continuous roll. Any damage that is done to the roll is done to the outside, as opposed to the inside where the data is.
TOM: Awww! Now there you go, you blew it!
CROW: Impervious metals? Like the kind a truther’s skull is made out of?
Dylan: The 9-11 Commission says "The CVRs and FDRs from American 11 and United 175 were not found..."
Yet, the FBI claims to have found the passport of Satam al-Suqami, which managed to fly out of his pocket, through the explosion and onto the streets of Manhattan below.
TOM: Nice that Dylan is so concerned about a passport. But the human remains—meh, those didn’t belong to anyone Dylan considers important.
Dylan: So, four different black boxes, made from the most resilient materials known to man, were destroyed. Yet, a passport, made from a fragile material known as paper, managed to survive? Who writes this stuff?
MIKE: Oh come on! Roland Emmerich had far less probable plot points.
Dylan: Ted Lopatkiewicz, spokesman for the National Transportation Safety Board, told CBS News that,
"It's extremely rare that we don't get the recorders back. I can't recall another domestic case in which we did not recover the recorders."
CROW: [as Ted Lopatkiewicz] "Then again, it's also extremely rare for two airliners to crash at top speed into skyscrapers, so I guess that... Hey wait, Dylan? What are you doing? How am I supposed to talk with that sock in my mouth? Mmffmffmp mfffmp ppffmffmp!"
Dylan: Turns out Ted's right. Nicholas Demasi, a firefighter who helped the recovery efforts claims in the book Behind the Scenes: Ground Zero,
“At one point I was assigned to take Federal Agents around the site. To search for the black boxes from the planes. There were a total of four black boxes. We found three.”
MIKE: [as Demasi] “Hey look! Somehow the three black boxes just happened to be lying atop the 2 billion pounds of rubble for me to find! Boy, that sure saves me a lot of trouble.”
Dylan: I guess it all comes down to who you'd rather believe.
TOM: Trust me Dylan, we’ve been keeping score, and you don’t want to know what yours is.
Dylan: FBI Director Robert Mueller said Flight 77's data recorder provided altitude, speed, headings and other information, but the voice recorder contained nothing useful. And Donald Rumsfeld said the data on the cockpit voice recorder was unrecoverable.
CROW: That’s gotta be it! The CVR is where those weapons of mass destruction are hiding! No wonder Rumsfeld couldn’t find anything.
Dylan: As for Flight 93, it was the only flight where the cockpit voice recorder was recovered. It was played for the families in April, 2002, but not before they signed an agreement saying that they wouldn't talk about it. They couldn't even take notes.
TOM: I get it. The families used sign language and pictographs to tell the press that the Flight 93 tapes prove heroism.
Dylan: And for some reason, the last three minutes of the tape was unaccounted for. The FBI had no explanation for the discrepancy.
MIKE: But for some other inexplicable reason, an extra three minutes of bonus tape appeared at the beginning!
Dylan: Why would the 9-11 Commission tell us Flight 11 and 175's recorders weren't found? Why would Robert Mueller tell us that there's nothing interesting on Flight 77s? What's on the last three minutes of Flight 93's cockpit voice recorder? These are vital questions that need to be answered.
TOM: Oh, I know! 1) Because they weren’t; 2) because it was severely burned; 3) yo momma; and 4) only for those who still don’t know why the planes crashed.
Dylan: It's an interesting postscript that Flight 93 was spotted on April 10th, 2003 at Chicago's O'Hare by David Friedman, a United Airlines employee who records all of his flights.
MIKE: Man, that guy must have some boring home movies.
Dylan: The tail number, N591UA was spotted on Flight 1111, a United Airlines 757. And according to the FAA, both N591UA and N612UA, Flights 93 and 175, are still valid. But Flights 11 and 77 are listed as destroyed. Not to mention that they were not even scheduled to fly on September 11th.
CROW: Shame on them for keeping RECORDS! A real conspirator ALWAYS covers his tracks! That’s the American way!
Dylan: Next. What about the cell phone calls? For starters, the calls themselves are extremely peculiar. Most of them are only a couple sentences long, before the callers end the conversation, only to call back later.
MIKE: Because terrorists are SO generous to their hostages, right Dylan? I hear they give you free unlimited minutes in a hostage situation!
TOM: I guess we know whose side Loose Change is on.
Dylan: Flight Attendant Betty Ong allegedly placed a call from Flight 11. According to the 9-11 Commission, although the conversation lasted 23 minutes, only 4 and a half minutes was recorded.
CROW: Didn’t Dylan “allegedly” go to film school?
Operator: What is your name?
Betty Ong: Ok, my name is Betty Ong. I'm number 3 on Flight 11.
Operator: Okay.
Betty Ong: And the cockpit is not answering their phone. And there's somebody stabbed in business class. And there's... We can't breathe in business class. Somebody's got mace or something. Okay. Our number 1 got stabbed. Our purser is stabbed. Nobody knows who stabbed who, and we can't even get up to business class right now cause nobody can breathe. Our number 1 is stabbed right now. And who else is…
Operator: Okay, and do we…
Betty Ong: …and our number 5 …our first class passengers are …first class …galley flight attendant and our purser has been stabbed. And we can't get into the cockpit, the door won't open.
CROW: No, no, you’re not supposed to remain CALM in an emergency situation, you’re supposed to PANIC and scream so that it sounds convincing to any truthers who might be listening!
Dylan: Does Ms. Ong sound like a woman on a hijacked plane who just saw three people murdered? Why is nobody in the background screaming?
TOM: Yeah Dylan, just because YOU scream like a little girl whenever something frightens you…
Dylan: Flight attendant Madeline Sweeney allegedly talked with her ground manager Michael Woodward for 25 minutes. She describes 4 hijackers. The FBI says there were 5. She says the hijackers were in rows 9 and 10. The FAA says there were all in row 8. Near the end, she screams, "I see buildings. Water. Oh my God!" Madeline was a flight attendant out of Boston for twelve years. I think she would have recognized Manhattan.
MIKE: I get it, today is Opposite Day, so to show his respect for the victims of 9/11, Dylan is going to direct venomous sneering sarcasm at them.
Dylan: A man claiming to be Mark Bingham called his mother, Alice, who was visiting his sister-in-law. The caller says, "Mom? This is Mark Bingham." When was the last time you called your mother and used your full name?
CROW: [mocking Dylan] “Hi mom, this is Dylan Avery, and I’m in my underwear, and I was thinking about you, and touching myself…”
Dylan Cont’d: "I just want to tell you that I love you. I'm on a flight from Newark to San Francisco and there are three guys on board and they have taken over the plane and they say they have a bomb. I'm calling you from the Airphone," and then "You believe me, don't you, Mom?" "Yes Mark, I believe you, who are these guys?" Then he was interrupted by someone who was speaking in a low-toned male voice, speaking what sounded like English.
MIKE: [as Jason Bermas] “Sorry Dylan, that was just me. I finally hit puberty!”
Dylan: After 30 seconds of muffled sounds, the caller repeats "I'm calling you with an Airphone." His mother asks him again, "Who are these guys?" After another pause he returns and asks again, "You believe me, don't you, Mom?" There was another pause, and the phone just trailed off.
TOM: Word of advice Dylan. Next time, interview the families of victims first, before you accuse them of being shills!
Dylan: To date, none of the calls, except for Betty Ong's call to American Airlines, has been released to the public.
MIKE: So the government faked the calls, but deliberately held onto them? Boy, what an ill-coordinated conspiracy.
Dylan: But to be honest, none of that matters. Why? Because none of these calls could have taken place.
CROW: I get it. The fewer victims he claims there were, the fewer people he actually has to dedicate his film to. Lazy ass.
Dylan: Kee Dewdney of Physics911.net conducted some research of his own.
MIKE: Obi-Wan Kee Dewdney.
Dylan: In an experiment called Project Achilles…
TOM: Hmph, Hector never gets any attention.
Dylan Cont’d: …he took a series of cell phones onto a Cessna 172 and flew up to 8,000 feet to determine the success rate as the plane got higher.
CROW: I guess Airfones are like cake: They’re a LIE!
Dylan: At 4,000 feet he had a .4 success rate. At 8,000 feet he had a .1 success rate. For 32,000 feet, cruising altitude for a commercial airliner, he calculated a .006 success rate. Less than one in a hundredth of a chance.
TOM: Now I kind of feel kind of sorry for that bozo, having to make more than 100,000 calls before he could even connect with one.
Dylan: Don't believe me? Even American Airlines has put their foot in the government's mouth.
CROW: [as Dylan] “You’re doing it all wrong! I’ll SHOW you how to put your foot in your own mouth!”
Dylan: On July 15th, 2004, passengers aboard a commercial American Airlines flight were able to send and receive calls from their cell phones as if they were on the ground, thanks to a cell station that was installed into the plane.
“It worked great. I called the office. I called my wife. I called a friend in Paris. They all heard me great, and I could hear them loud and clear.”
MIKE: “Can you hear me now? Good. Can you hear me now?”
TOM: Don’t even say it—
Dylan: Why would American Airlines spend thousands of dollars on this technology in 2004 when cell phones worked so well on September 11th, 2001?
TOM: Obviously it was so that passengers could make FAKE cell phone calls more easily whenever an emergency comes up.
Dylan: The cell phone calls were fake. No question about it.
CROW: Just like that silicone implant that makes up Dylan’s head from the eyebrows-up?
Dylan: So how is it possible to fake a person's voice? In 1999, the Los Alamos Laboratory in New Mexico revealed their voice morphing technology. General Carl W. Steiner, the former Commander-in-chief of U.S. Special Operations declared on tape:
“Gentlemen! We have called you together to inform you that we are going to overthrow the United States government.”
CROW: “You have no chance to survive make your time. Ha ha ha ha….”
Dylan: Another example was Colin Powell saying, "I am being treated well by my captors." With just a 10-minute recording of somebody's voice, they are able, in almost real time, to clone someone's speech. Steiner was so impressed, he asked for a copy.
TOM: You know, we could fake Dylan’s voice to make it sound like he’s making a complete ass out of himself, but that wouldn’t be necessary at this point.
~~~~~~~~
...More to come!
BenBurch
Gatekeeper of The Left
Thanks for bumping this.
I hadn't seen it, and its hilarious!
-Ben
I hadn't seen it, and its hilarious!
-Ben
DaN K. StAnLeY
Muse
- Joined
- May 1, 2008
- Messages
- 836
Me too
cmon everybody!"In the not too distant future,
next Sunday AD
There was a guy named Joel
not too different from you or me.
He worked at Gizmonics...institute,
just another guy in an orange jump suit (not sure, might be green jump suit)
sommee hummma huma huma hum,
and in a rocketship they shot him all across the universe...."
hehehe, awesome job guys.
They have a bunch of these available on google video if anyone didn't already know.
Frozenwolf150
Formerly SilentKnight
- Joined
- Dec 10, 2007
- Messages
- 4,134
Part V, 2nd half
I thought I'd use my 666th post on JREF to bring you our exciting conclusion to Mystery Science Theater 3000 Presents: Loose Change 2nd Edition. We hope you have as much fun reading it as we had writing it (barring the occasional throbbing headaches that brainstorming multiple riffs in a row gave me). I can't believe it's finally over. Wait, yes I can. What I can't believe is that, despite my best efforts, I wasn't able to piss off any truthers with this.
~~~~~~~~
Dylan: So what about the hijackers? On September 14th, 2001, the Department of Justice released the names of the alleged 19 hijackers. But on September 23rd, the BBC reported that Waleed Al Shehri was alive and well in Casablanca, Morocco.
[Waleed] ... attended flight training school at Dayton Beach in the United States ... he left the United States in September last year, became a pilot with Saudi Arabian airlines
-BBC, http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/middele_east/1559151.stm
MIKE: [as Waleed] “Aw crap, I’m running late on the 10:15 from Riyadh to Damascus, and I’ll never be able to get the 9:25 from Boston to the symbol of American greed in time!”
Dylan: They also tracked down Abdulaziz Alomari, who is an engineer with Saudi Telecoms, and lost his passport while studying in Denver.
"I couldn't believe it when the FBI put me on their list. They gave my name and my date of birth, but I am not a suicide bomber. I am here. I am alive. I have no idea how to fly a plane. I had nothing to do with this."
-The Telegraph, 9/23/2001
MIKE: Lucky bastard, he must have gotten birthday parties on December 24th and May 28th every year!
Dylan: In the same article, FBI Director Robert Mueller admitted that "the identity of several of the hijackers is in doubt."
CROW: [as Robert Mueller] “Okay folks, it’s September 23, so we’ve been on the investigation for 12 long days already. I think that’s enough to get all the facts straight, don’t you?”
Dylan: So how many hijackers turned up alive? At least nine of them.
TOM: You know, Dylan Avery told me he had nothing to do with this documentary, and neither did the other 124 listed in the US phone directory.
Dylan: Wail M. Alshehri is alive and well.
[Wail M. Al-Sheri] is a pilot whose father is a Saudi diplomat in Bombay. "I personally talked to both father and son today."
-Gaafar Allagany, Saudi Arabian Embassy, LA Times, 9/21/2001
MIKE: Hmm, man with the same name, head of the Saudi Embassy’s information center, yeah. Sounds credible to me!
Dylan: Mohand Alshehri is alive in Saudi Arabia.
“According to eh Orlando Sentinel, the Aaudi Arabian embassy confirmed that ... Mohand Alshehri ... [is] not dead and had nothing to do with [9-11].”
-American Free Press, 10/12/2001
CROW: Aw no, not the AFP again!
TOM: [saluting] “Sieg Heil!”
Dylan: Khalid Almihdhar is a computer programmer in Mecca.
"I want to think all of this is a mistake." Almihdhar was watching TV at home when friends saw his photograph on the news and began to call to see if he was still alive.
-Chicago Tribune, 10/04/2001
MIKE: [as Almihdhar’s friend] “Hey dude, are you still alive?”
CROW: [as Almihdhar] “Uh, no!”
MIKE: [as Almihdhar’s friend] “Oh. Hey, wait, what?”
Dylan: Salem Alhazmi works at a chemical plant in Yanbu, Saudi Arabia.
Salem Al-Hazmi is alive and …not one of the people who perished in [Flight 77]. His passport had been stolen by a pickpocket in Cairo three years ago.
-The Guardian, 9/21/2001
TOM: [singing] “I work here at this plant, putting in my long hours
So why do people think that I helped bring down the towers?
It’s all because some terrorist had swiped my old passport
Now I see my name in every Al-Jazeera news report!
I should have checked freecreditreport.com
So they wouldn’t think I killed myself aboard a flying bomb!”
Dylan: Saeed Alghamdi is training to be a pilot in Tunis.
"The FBI provided no evidence of my involvement in the attacks. You can't imagine what it is like to be described as a [dead terrorist] when you are innocent and alive."
-The Telegraph, 9/23/2001
CROW: [as Alghamdi] “They were nice enough to show me evidence for that other Saeed Alghamdi’s involvement though. Man, was that guy clever!”
Dylan: Ahmed Alnami is an administrative supervisor for Saudi Airlines.
"I'm still alive, I had never even heard of Pennsylvania." He never lost his passport and found it very worrying that his identity appeared to have been stolen.
-The Telegraph, 9/23/2001
TOM: [as Alnami] “See, I don’t pay much attention to the news. America? Never heard of it.”
Dylan: We already covered Waleed and Abdulaziz. And last but not least, Mohammed Atta's father claimed to receive a phone call from his son on September 12th.
MIKE: [as Atta’s father] “My son didn’t kill himself in a terrorist attack, but if he did, that would be awesome! Death to America!”
Dylan: On September 20th and 27th, Mueller admitted on CNN that there is, "No legal proof to prove the identities of the hijackers."
TOM: For most people, the world stood still on 9/11. For truthers, their brains have stood still since the first week after 9/11.
Dylan: Indeed. After all, not even the official autopsy for Flight 77 lists the hijackers, and the opening paragraph makes no mention of their absence.
CROW: “The terrorists didn’t consent to cheek swabs before boarding the planes, and don’t even ASK about the semen samples…”
Dylan: So if there's no proof the the hijackers were members of al Qaeda, or if they were even on the planes in the first place, what justification do we have for bombing Afghanistan?
TOM: Because everyone knows the Taliban were paragons of human rights, justice, and equality, who could not have been harboring the terrorists who had just attacked us.
Dylan: Oh, that's right. The Bin Laden confession tape. On December 14th, 2001, the government released a tape, allegedly of bin Laden confessing to the attacks of 9-11, which they claimed to find in a house in Jalalabad, Afghanistan.
CROW: [as gov’t agent] “It’s a good thing we got to it in time, because the couple that lived there was just about to record one of their ‘home movies’ over it.”
Dylan: Except there's a number of things wrong with this tape. One, the tape itself is of very poor quality.
TOM: Uh-oh, I think someone’s jeaaaalous.
Dylan: And two, the man in the video looks and acts nothing like bin Laden. According to the FBI's website, Osama is left-handed. Yet, in this video, he is writing a note with his right hand.
MIKE: Maybe it’s because in Islamic culture, you’re not supposed to write with the same hand you use to WIPE YOUR BUTT!
Dylan: Not to mention he's wearing a gold ring, which is forbidden by Islamic law, and is never mentioned in the FBI's description of him. Compare this video to four other pictures of bin Laden. Does anybody else see a problem here?
CROW: Well, I might be a little more suspicious if bin Laden masturbated while downing a bag of pork rinds and washing it down with beer.
Dylan: Until the government can prove without a shadow of a doubt that Al-Qaeda was behind September 11th, The American people have every reason to believe otherwise.
TOM: They wouldn’t be very GOOD reasons, but they’ve still got reasons!
“It is easy to imagine an infinite number of situations where government officials might quite legitimately have reasons to give false information out. It's an unfortunate reality that the issuance of incomplete information and even misinformation by government may sometimes be perceived as necessary to protect vital interests.”
-Solicitor General Theodore Olson, whose wife Barbara was killed on September 11th, 2001.
MIKE: [as Michael D. Brown] “Hurricane floodwater is good for you! And who wouldn’t want a free backyard pool?”
Dylan: And now for the last question of all. Why would our government do such a thing? I hope you're sitting down.
MIKE: Well yes, but I’m tempted to jump to my feet, point at you, and laugh out loud.
Dylan: First, we have Larry Silverstein, the man who purchased the World Trade Center in July, 2001.
CROW: He covered all his tracks, except for legally changing his last name to Smith.
Dylan: After September 11th, Silverstein demanded $7.2 billion dollars from his insurers, claiming that each plane counted as a separate act of terrorism. However, on December 6th, 2004, the courts only rewarded him with 2.2 billion dollars.
TOM: Ah, he was just $5 billion short of the cost of rebuilding. He still made out like a bandit!
Dylan: Next we have the put options that were placed on United Airlines, American Airlines, and Boeing. According to the San Fransisco Chronicle, more than 2.5 million dollars has remained unclaimed.
MIKE: [as investor] “Eh, I’ll just take a rain check on collecting my post terror attack stock profits, so it doesn’t look suspicious.”
Dylan: As for 9-11 itself, Reuters reported that Convar, a German computer company is responsible for helping companies and accountants in New York restore their data from over 400 hard drives that were recovered from the World Trade Center's rubble. Convar recovered information from 32 different computers that suggested insider trading took place on 9-11.
CROW: The Convar workers were able to immediately identify and return Trekkie Monster’s own hard drive upon discovery of its contents!
Dylan: Richard Wagner, an expert at Convar:
“There is a suspicion that some people had advance knowledge of the approximate time of the plane crashes in order to move out amounts exceeding 100 million dollars. They thought that the records of their transactions could not be traced after the main frames were destroyed.”
MIKE: They should have known better than to preface every e-mail message with, “Once Operation: Airborne Inferno commences, we can all pull out!”
Dylan: After their analysis, Convar handed the results over to the FBI. Although the FBI was legally bound to investigate who was responsible, to date they have done no such thing.
MIKE: The Truth is so far out there that they forgot to look for the stuff back here on Earth.
Dylan: Moving on. According to Wikipedia,
TOM: “T3h j00z were in ur tower… stealin ur gold!11!!1!”
Dylan Cont’d: "One of the world's largest gold depositories was stored underneath the World Trade Center." In 1993 the value of the gold was estimated at one billion dollars, rumored to be owned by Kuwaiti interests. When the World Trade Center was destroyed, the amount of gold, "Far exceeded the 1993 levels." "The gold was finally recovered in its entirety in late 2001."
Or was it?
CROW: Damn that Simon Grueber, he got away again!
Dylan: On November 1st, 2001, the Timesonline reported that a large amount of gold was discovered in the wreckage of the World Trade Center.
TOM: Because it’s so much easier to remove the gold once it’s buried under millions of tons of rubble.
Dylan: Mayor Rudolph Giuliani announced that more than $230 million dollars was recovered from Ground Zero. However, the Comex metals trading division was storing gold bars for the Bank of Nova Scotia, Chase Manhattan Bank, The Bank of New York, Hong Kong, and Shanghai Banking, totaling $950 million dollars. And that's just one company.
MIKE: Goldfinger was really red in the face, after he went through all that trouble to build that cobalt and iodine atomic device, and the terrorists had to ruin his plans.
Dylan: Rumor has it that over $160 billion dollars in gold was stored in the World Trade Center. So where did all the gold go? Remember the gold that was found in November, 2001? Reuters reported that it was discovered in the back of a 10 wheel truck, along with several cars in a delivery tunnel underneath World Trade Center 5. No bodies were recovered.
CROW: Unfortunately, the weight of 6,500 tons of gold bars being stored in one place quickly punched a hole and crashed down through to the center of the Earth.
Dylan: As workers got closer to the gold, authorities began restricting access to Ground Zero, joined by FBI and Secret Service agents. One worker who was directed away from the tunnel told a reporter, "If I tried to go down there, they would have shot me."
ALL: [flapping their arms] “Buc, buc, buc, CAW!”
Dylan: Heavy-machinery operators and others worked under the watchful eye of more than 100 armed officers.
TOM: I wonder what the NYPD is feeding their officers to make them grow so many arms.
Dylan: So, let me get this straight. Gold from World Trade Center 4 was found underneath World Trade Center 5, in an empty delivery truck, with an empty escort of cars. I think it's safe to say that they were running away from the South Tower. The question is, how did they know to flee from their stash, when not even the firefighters inside the South Tower expected it to collapse?
CROW: So how the hell do you find gold in an empty truck?
MIKE: How do you find meaning in an empty life?
TOM: How do you find brains in an empty truther’s head?
Dylan: 167 billion dollars in gold. 200 million is found. And that's just the money.
TOM: $167 billion in gold bars? It seems like everything related to 9/11 is weightless.
Dylan: After September 11th, President Bush had and continues to have permission to do and say whatever he wants, all under the pretext of 9-11.
MIKE: He even admits it too!
CROW: [as Bush] “Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we.”
Dylan: The Patriot Act.
CROW: Dylan just doesn’t want the government to spy on him nekkid.
Dylan: The Department of Homeland Security.
MIKE: I forget, what’s the difference between an amber alert, a carmine alert, and a hyacinth alert?
Dylan: Afghanistan.
TOM: Yeah, all they did was harbor and fund those non-existent terrorists who never attacked us!
Dylan: Iraq.
TOM: You don’t need 9/11 to justify that; George just wanted to laugh at Baghdad Bob’s antics!
Dylan: It's time for America to accept 9-11 for what it was:
CROW: We must no longer discriminate against 9/11 for its sexual orientation.
Dylan Cont’d: A lie which killed thousands of people, only in turn killing hundreds of thousands more, to make billions upon trillions of dollars.
MIKE: Trillions, huh? Well as a paid government shill, I demand to know when I’m going to start seeing some of that money!
Dylan: Are you angry yet? You should be.
CROW: You’re not the boss of me, Dylan!
Dylan: Every single attempt to investigate and uncover the truth behind 9-11 has been blackballed, ridiculed, and harassed by both the government and media alike, for even daring to question the official story.
TOM: Remember, kids, if you’re persecuted for your beliefs, it makes you RIGHT! Just ask David Koresh!
Geraldo: Jimmy Walter, you spent nearly 2 million dollars on an advertising blitz to convince people here in New York and elsewhere that 9-11 was a self-inflicted wound. Jimmy, welcome. Why are you doing this?
TOM: “Because that $2 million I inherited wasn’t going to spend itself!”
Jimmy Walter: Thanks for having me, Geraldo. I'm doing this because a fool and his money are soon parted.
CROW: “Waaaaah, my 2 million dollars! Where’d it all go?”
Jimmy Walter: I'm a patriot trying to defend this country from the real terrorists, who have damaged and changed our country.
MIKE: “…And are attacking that poor defenseless Bin Laden guy! Seriously, what’s the deal with that?”
Jimmy Walter: I am asking the same questions that the widows and orphans, parents and friends of the victims of 911 are asking, and have not had answered by either the 911 Commission, nor by any real investigation to the mass murders, that 66% of New Yorkers want investigated.
TOM: I’m just thankful we have real patriots like Jimmy Walter ready to throw himself in harm’s way should the “real terrorists” ever strike again.
Dylan: I'll say it again. Why are they hiding from us? What are they hiding from us?
CROW: Probably the hot steamy affair “they” were having with the Holocaust deniers?
Dylan: And what's it going to take until people in this country give a damn and do something about it?
TOM: [as V] “A vicious and voracious violation of volition?”
CROW: Widespread usage of Newspeak?
MIKE: A three-drink minimum at Dante’s bar?
Dylan: America has been hijacked. Not by Al Qaeda. Not by Osama bin Laden. But by a group of tyrants, ready and willing to do whatever it takes to keep their stranglehold on this country.
TOM: If Bin Laden is so harmless, why don’t you arrange a playdate with him? I’m sure he’d be happy to help you stick it to The Man!
Dylan: So what are we going to do about it?
MIKE: Sit on our asses and post stuff on conspiracy forums?
Dylan: Anything.
Share this information with friends, family, total strangers. Hold screenings, conferences, whatever you have to do to get the word out. It's up to you. Ask questions. Demand answers.
CROW: Stick fingers in ears. Ignore answers when given. Make stuff up when convenient to suit your arguments.
FOR MORE INFORMATION ABOUT 9-11, VISIT THE FOLLOWING WEBSITES:
WWW.GEOCITIES.COM/KILLTOWN
WWW.LETSROLL911.ORG
WWW.PRISONPLANET.COM
WWW.911PROOF.COM
WWW.911BLOGGER.COM
CROW: Come on Dylan, nobody wants to see you and your conspiracy buddies in a circle-jerk!
FEATURING RESEARCH BY
A K DEWDNEY
BBC
CHRISTOPHER BOLLYN
KILLTOWN
MIKE: The BBC’s mommy should have told it not to hang out with people like that.
VERY SPECIAL THANKS:
NATE
WITHOUT WHOM, THIS DOCUMENTARY WOULD HAVE BEEN LOST FOREVER.
THANKS BUDDY.
TOM: I tried to slash Nate’s tires on that day, I swear!
WE HOLD THE 9-11 WIDOWS, ORPHANS AND OTHERS WHO
WERE AFFECTED BY SEPTEMBER 11TH IN THE HIGHEST REGARD.
WE MEAN NO DISRESPECT TO THEM OR THEIR LOVED ONES
IN RELEASING THIS DOCUMENTARY.
LIKEWISE, WE ARE NOT TRYING TO CAPITALIZE OFF OF
THEM, DESPITE WHAT SOME MAY BELIEVE.
RATHER IT IS IN THEIR MEMORY THAT WE SEARCH FOR THE TRUTH.
WE WILL GLADLY SEND A FREE DVD TO ANYONE THAT LOST
FAMILY OR FRIENDS ON 9-11.
SINCERELY,
LOUDER THAN WORDS
TOM: [as Dylan] “Yeah, yeah, we’re sooo sorry for your loss, so here’s a crappy DVD that explains why they’re not really dead. That ought to cheer you up.”
YOU CAN REACH US BY PHONE AT 607-267-4456, BETWEEN 9 AM AND 5 PM EST.
FOR QUESTIONS CONCERNING INTERVIEWS, APPEARANCES, AND SCREENINGS,
PLEASE E-MAIL US AT PUBLICITY@LOOSECHANGE911.COM
MIKE: “Hey Dylan, is your fridge running?”
TOM: “Do you have Prince Albert in a can?”
CROW: “I’m looking for someone named Ahmed Adoudi!”
LOUDER THAN WORDS WAS FORMED IN THE AFTERMATH OF THE RELEASE OF LOOSE CHANGE, AND CONSISTS OF:
KOREY ROWE / DYLAN AVERY / JASON BERMAS
MIKE: That’s nothing to brag about, you know!
IF YOU ENJOYED LOOSE CHANGE, CHECK OUT THESE OTHER 9-11 FILMS:
911:IN PLANE SITE
911:THE ROAD TO TYRANNY
PAINFUL QUESTIONS
MARTIAL LAW
MIKE: Thanks for the warning! [Picks up Tom and leaves, while Crow follows them out]
[Mike and the bots are back on the bridge, reflecting on the film. Mike is clutching his forehead as if he’s got a massive headache, Crow is twitching his head in a strange manner, and Tom’s head globe seems to be filled with smoke, which is seeping out of the top.]
MIKE: Oh man, I don’t think I’m ever going to live that one down. So guys, what have we learned today?
TOM: I learned that just asking questions is the same as demolishing an established body of knowledge, that the information that comes immediately out of a crisis in the following days is just as good as any, and that paranoia is patriotic.
MIKE: [nodding] Okay, okay. So Crow, what about you?
CROW: I learned that you can stave off criticism of your beliefs, no matter how idiotic, by wrapping yourself in the American flag. That way, if anyone challenges you, you can accuse them of undermining the core values that the United States was founded on!
TOM: I also learned that the real revolutionaries are not the ones who push for change or protest government policies that are harming society, but the ones who sit at their computers making slideshow videos, posting armchair anarchy on conspiracy forums, and finding new ways to insult debunkers.
CROW: Yeah, it’s always easier to find a scapegoat to blame all of society’s problems on, than to do actual research or take a real stand out in public with affirmative action or civil disobedience. I mean, what has THAT ever accomplished?
MIKE: I’ve learned never to sit through a long boring conspiracy video like that again. I don’t know what I’m going to do if Pearl decides to pull “9/11 Mysteries” on us next time though.
TOM: Oh yeah, funny you should mention that, Mike.
MIKE: What do you mean?
TOM: Well, it just so happens I’ve prepared for the unlikely event that we’re ever subjected to another conspiracy video. I managed to pull a few strings, and have brought in a couple of ‘specialists’ to deal with the situation, should it arise. Hey guys, you can come in now!
[A couple of elderly muppets enter, stage right.]
STATLER: Well, I’ll tell you one thing about this documentary. It made me think!
WALDORF: Me too—about the sad state of our education system!
BOTH: [cracking up] DOHOHOhohohoho!
MIKE: Let’s check in on Pearl and see how she’s doing.
[Inside Castle Forrester, we see that despite having donned a royal tiara, robes, and scepter, Pearl is looking quite disheveled and distracted. Outside the castle we hear the sounds of chaos from a rioting angry mob. The occasional thrown rock sails over the ramparts and clatters into the room.]
PEARL: Oh, hi there, Nelson. I’m afraid you caught us at a bad time. You see we’re a little preoccupied at the moment.
MIKE: [confused] Uh, what’s going on down there?
TOM: What happened to your plan to unite truthers everywhere?
CROW: Yeah, didn’t you succeed in bringing about your revolution of revolutionary change?
[The Observer can be seen in the background with a push broom, sweeping up all the thrown rocks into a pile.]
PEARL: You see, the funny thing about that. Even though we managed to take control and rally all the conspiracy theorists behind us, it’s their nature to automatically assume that whoever is in charge is behind everything that goes wrong. In other words, blame for 9/11 has shifted to, well—us.
MIKE: Ouch.
[Pearl heads out to the balcony to try and smooth things over.]
PEARL: People, listen, there’s no need to be irrational! I can explain everything if you’d just give me the... [A mushy tomato hits her in the face.] All right, that does it! The gloves are off! [She retreats into the castle.] We’ll show them. Ready the cauldron of molten steel!
BOBO: [nervously] Uh, there’s a slight problem.
PEARL: What?
BOBO: The steel is taking too long to melt using normal kerosene fuel. Should I try heating it up with thermite instead?
[Pearl clocks Bobo on the head with her scepter.]
BOBO: OW! Okay, okay! What if I use the thermate then?
[Pearl clocks Bobo on the head again.]
BOBO: OW!
PEARL: Never mind! I swear, do I have to do everything myself? [Turns back to the camera] See you next time, when hopefully we’ll have the situation under control.
[Roll credits. The stinger clip from Loose Change is shown.]
Dylan: Until the government can prove without a shadow of a doubt that Al-Qaeda was behind September 11th, The American people have every reason to believe otherwise.
[The End]
I thought I'd use my 666th post on JREF to bring you our exciting conclusion to Mystery Science Theater 3000 Presents: Loose Change 2nd Edition. We hope you have as much fun reading it as we had writing it (barring the occasional throbbing headaches that brainstorming multiple riffs in a row gave me). I can't believe it's finally over. Wait, yes I can. What I can't believe is that, despite my best efforts, I wasn't able to piss off any truthers with this.
~~~~~~~~
Dylan: So what about the hijackers? On September 14th, 2001, the Department of Justice released the names of the alleged 19 hijackers. But on September 23rd, the BBC reported that Waleed Al Shehri was alive and well in Casablanca, Morocco.
[Waleed] ... attended flight training school at Dayton Beach in the United States ... he left the United States in September last year, became a pilot with Saudi Arabian airlines
-BBC, http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/middele_east/1559151.stm
MIKE: [as Waleed] “Aw crap, I’m running late on the 10:15 from Riyadh to Damascus, and I’ll never be able to get the 9:25 from Boston to the symbol of American greed in time!”
Dylan: They also tracked down Abdulaziz Alomari, who is an engineer with Saudi Telecoms, and lost his passport while studying in Denver.
"I couldn't believe it when the FBI put me on their list. They gave my name and my date of birth, but I am not a suicide bomber. I am here. I am alive. I have no idea how to fly a plane. I had nothing to do with this."
-The Telegraph, 9/23/2001
MIKE: Lucky bastard, he must have gotten birthday parties on December 24th and May 28th every year!
Dylan: In the same article, FBI Director Robert Mueller admitted that "the identity of several of the hijackers is in doubt."
CROW: [as Robert Mueller] “Okay folks, it’s September 23, so we’ve been on the investigation for 12 long days already. I think that’s enough to get all the facts straight, don’t you?”
Dylan: So how many hijackers turned up alive? At least nine of them.
TOM: You know, Dylan Avery told me he had nothing to do with this documentary, and neither did the other 124 listed in the US phone directory.
Dylan: Wail M. Alshehri is alive and well.
[Wail M. Al-Sheri] is a pilot whose father is a Saudi diplomat in Bombay. "I personally talked to both father and son today."
-Gaafar Allagany, Saudi Arabian Embassy, LA Times, 9/21/2001
MIKE: Hmm, man with the same name, head of the Saudi Embassy’s information center, yeah. Sounds credible to me!
Dylan: Mohand Alshehri is alive in Saudi Arabia.
“According to eh Orlando Sentinel, the Aaudi Arabian embassy confirmed that ... Mohand Alshehri ... [is] not dead and had nothing to do with [9-11].”
-American Free Press, 10/12/2001
CROW: Aw no, not the AFP again!
TOM: [saluting] “Sieg Heil!”
Dylan: Khalid Almihdhar is a computer programmer in Mecca.
"I want to think all of this is a mistake." Almihdhar was watching TV at home when friends saw his photograph on the news and began to call to see if he was still alive.
-Chicago Tribune, 10/04/2001
MIKE: [as Almihdhar’s friend] “Hey dude, are you still alive?”
CROW: [as Almihdhar] “Uh, no!”
MIKE: [as Almihdhar’s friend] “Oh. Hey, wait, what?”
Dylan: Salem Alhazmi works at a chemical plant in Yanbu, Saudi Arabia.
Salem Al-Hazmi is alive and …not one of the people who perished in [Flight 77]. His passport had been stolen by a pickpocket in Cairo three years ago.
-The Guardian, 9/21/2001
TOM: [singing] “I work here at this plant, putting in my long hours
So why do people think that I helped bring down the towers?
It’s all because some terrorist had swiped my old passport
Now I see my name in every Al-Jazeera news report!
I should have checked freecreditreport.com
So they wouldn’t think I killed myself aboard a flying bomb!”
Dylan: Saeed Alghamdi is training to be a pilot in Tunis.
"The FBI provided no evidence of my involvement in the attacks. You can't imagine what it is like to be described as a [dead terrorist] when you are innocent and alive."
-The Telegraph, 9/23/2001
CROW: [as Alghamdi] “They were nice enough to show me evidence for that other Saeed Alghamdi’s involvement though. Man, was that guy clever!”
Dylan: Ahmed Alnami is an administrative supervisor for Saudi Airlines.
"I'm still alive, I had never even heard of Pennsylvania." He never lost his passport and found it very worrying that his identity appeared to have been stolen.
-The Telegraph, 9/23/2001
TOM: [as Alnami] “See, I don’t pay much attention to the news. America? Never heard of it.”
Dylan: We already covered Waleed and Abdulaziz. And last but not least, Mohammed Atta's father claimed to receive a phone call from his son on September 12th.
MIKE: [as Atta’s father] “My son didn’t kill himself in a terrorist attack, but if he did, that would be awesome! Death to America!”
Dylan: On September 20th and 27th, Mueller admitted on CNN that there is, "No legal proof to prove the identities of the hijackers."
TOM: For most people, the world stood still on 9/11. For truthers, their brains have stood still since the first week after 9/11.
Dylan: Indeed. After all, not even the official autopsy for Flight 77 lists the hijackers, and the opening paragraph makes no mention of their absence.
CROW: “The terrorists didn’t consent to cheek swabs before boarding the planes, and don’t even ASK about the semen samples…”
Dylan: So if there's no proof the the hijackers were members of al Qaeda, or if they were even on the planes in the first place, what justification do we have for bombing Afghanistan?
TOM: Because everyone knows the Taliban were paragons of human rights, justice, and equality, who could not have been harboring the terrorists who had just attacked us.
Dylan: Oh, that's right. The Bin Laden confession tape. On December 14th, 2001, the government released a tape, allegedly of bin Laden confessing to the attacks of 9-11, which they claimed to find in a house in Jalalabad, Afghanistan.
CROW: [as gov’t agent] “It’s a good thing we got to it in time, because the couple that lived there was just about to record one of their ‘home movies’ over it.”
Dylan: Except there's a number of things wrong with this tape. One, the tape itself is of very poor quality.
TOM: Uh-oh, I think someone’s jeaaaalous.
Dylan: And two, the man in the video looks and acts nothing like bin Laden. According to the FBI's website, Osama is left-handed. Yet, in this video, he is writing a note with his right hand.
MIKE: Maybe it’s because in Islamic culture, you’re not supposed to write with the same hand you use to WIPE YOUR BUTT!
Dylan: Not to mention he's wearing a gold ring, which is forbidden by Islamic law, and is never mentioned in the FBI's description of him. Compare this video to four other pictures of bin Laden. Does anybody else see a problem here?
CROW: Well, I might be a little more suspicious if bin Laden masturbated while downing a bag of pork rinds and washing it down with beer.
Dylan: Until the government can prove without a shadow of a doubt that Al-Qaeda was behind September 11th, The American people have every reason to believe otherwise.
TOM: They wouldn’t be very GOOD reasons, but they’ve still got reasons!
“It is easy to imagine an infinite number of situations where government officials might quite legitimately have reasons to give false information out. It's an unfortunate reality that the issuance of incomplete information and even misinformation by government may sometimes be perceived as necessary to protect vital interests.”
-Solicitor General Theodore Olson, whose wife Barbara was killed on September 11th, 2001.
MIKE: [as Michael D. Brown] “Hurricane floodwater is good for you! And who wouldn’t want a free backyard pool?”
Dylan: And now for the last question of all. Why would our government do such a thing? I hope you're sitting down.
MIKE: Well yes, but I’m tempted to jump to my feet, point at you, and laugh out loud.
Dylan: First, we have Larry Silverstein, the man who purchased the World Trade Center in July, 2001.
CROW: He covered all his tracks, except for legally changing his last name to Smith.
Dylan: After September 11th, Silverstein demanded $7.2 billion dollars from his insurers, claiming that each plane counted as a separate act of terrorism. However, on December 6th, 2004, the courts only rewarded him with 2.2 billion dollars.
TOM: Ah, he was just $5 billion short of the cost of rebuilding. He still made out like a bandit!
Dylan: Next we have the put options that were placed on United Airlines, American Airlines, and Boeing. According to the San Fransisco Chronicle, more than 2.5 million dollars has remained unclaimed.
MIKE: [as investor] “Eh, I’ll just take a rain check on collecting my post terror attack stock profits, so it doesn’t look suspicious.”
Dylan: As for 9-11 itself, Reuters reported that Convar, a German computer company is responsible for helping companies and accountants in New York restore their data from over 400 hard drives that were recovered from the World Trade Center's rubble. Convar recovered information from 32 different computers that suggested insider trading took place on 9-11.
CROW: The Convar workers were able to immediately identify and return Trekkie Monster’s own hard drive upon discovery of its contents!
Dylan: Richard Wagner, an expert at Convar:
“There is a suspicion that some people had advance knowledge of the approximate time of the plane crashes in order to move out amounts exceeding 100 million dollars. They thought that the records of their transactions could not be traced after the main frames were destroyed.”
MIKE: They should have known better than to preface every e-mail message with, “Once Operation: Airborne Inferno commences, we can all pull out!”
Dylan: After their analysis, Convar handed the results over to the FBI. Although the FBI was legally bound to investigate who was responsible, to date they have done no such thing.
MIKE: The Truth is so far out there that they forgot to look for the stuff back here on Earth.
Dylan: Moving on. According to Wikipedia,
TOM: “T3h j00z were in ur tower… stealin ur gold!11!!1!”
Dylan Cont’d: "One of the world's largest gold depositories was stored underneath the World Trade Center." In 1993 the value of the gold was estimated at one billion dollars, rumored to be owned by Kuwaiti interests. When the World Trade Center was destroyed, the amount of gold, "Far exceeded the 1993 levels." "The gold was finally recovered in its entirety in late 2001."
Or was it?
CROW: Damn that Simon Grueber, he got away again!
Dylan: On November 1st, 2001, the Timesonline reported that a large amount of gold was discovered in the wreckage of the World Trade Center.
TOM: Because it’s so much easier to remove the gold once it’s buried under millions of tons of rubble.
Dylan: Mayor Rudolph Giuliani announced that more than $230 million dollars was recovered from Ground Zero. However, the Comex metals trading division was storing gold bars for the Bank of Nova Scotia, Chase Manhattan Bank, The Bank of New York, Hong Kong, and Shanghai Banking, totaling $950 million dollars. And that's just one company.
MIKE: Goldfinger was really red in the face, after he went through all that trouble to build that cobalt and iodine atomic device, and the terrorists had to ruin his plans.
Dylan: Rumor has it that over $160 billion dollars in gold was stored in the World Trade Center. So where did all the gold go? Remember the gold that was found in November, 2001? Reuters reported that it was discovered in the back of a 10 wheel truck, along with several cars in a delivery tunnel underneath World Trade Center 5. No bodies were recovered.
CROW: Unfortunately, the weight of 6,500 tons of gold bars being stored in one place quickly punched a hole and crashed down through to the center of the Earth.
Dylan: As workers got closer to the gold, authorities began restricting access to Ground Zero, joined by FBI and Secret Service agents. One worker who was directed away from the tunnel told a reporter, "If I tried to go down there, they would have shot me."
ALL: [flapping their arms] “Buc, buc, buc, CAW!”
Dylan: Heavy-machinery operators and others worked under the watchful eye of more than 100 armed officers.
TOM: I wonder what the NYPD is feeding their officers to make them grow so many arms.
Dylan: So, let me get this straight. Gold from World Trade Center 4 was found underneath World Trade Center 5, in an empty delivery truck, with an empty escort of cars. I think it's safe to say that they were running away from the South Tower. The question is, how did they know to flee from their stash, when not even the firefighters inside the South Tower expected it to collapse?
CROW: So how the hell do you find gold in an empty truck?
MIKE: How do you find meaning in an empty life?
TOM: How do you find brains in an empty truther’s head?
Dylan: 167 billion dollars in gold. 200 million is found. And that's just the money.
TOM: $167 billion in gold bars? It seems like everything related to 9/11 is weightless.
Dylan: After September 11th, President Bush had and continues to have permission to do and say whatever he wants, all under the pretext of 9-11.
MIKE: He even admits it too!
CROW: [as Bush] “Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we.”
Dylan: The Patriot Act.
CROW: Dylan just doesn’t want the government to spy on him nekkid.
Dylan: The Department of Homeland Security.
MIKE: I forget, what’s the difference between an amber alert, a carmine alert, and a hyacinth alert?
Dylan: Afghanistan.
TOM: Yeah, all they did was harbor and fund those non-existent terrorists who never attacked us!
Dylan: Iraq.
TOM: You don’t need 9/11 to justify that; George just wanted to laugh at Baghdad Bob’s antics!
Dylan: It's time for America to accept 9-11 for what it was:
CROW: We must no longer discriminate against 9/11 for its sexual orientation.
Dylan Cont’d: A lie which killed thousands of people, only in turn killing hundreds of thousands more, to make billions upon trillions of dollars.
MIKE: Trillions, huh? Well as a paid government shill, I demand to know when I’m going to start seeing some of that money!
Dylan: Are you angry yet? You should be.
CROW: You’re not the boss of me, Dylan!
Dylan: Every single attempt to investigate and uncover the truth behind 9-11 has been blackballed, ridiculed, and harassed by both the government and media alike, for even daring to question the official story.
TOM: Remember, kids, if you’re persecuted for your beliefs, it makes you RIGHT! Just ask David Koresh!
Geraldo: Jimmy Walter, you spent nearly 2 million dollars on an advertising blitz to convince people here in New York and elsewhere that 9-11 was a self-inflicted wound. Jimmy, welcome. Why are you doing this?
TOM: “Because that $2 million I inherited wasn’t going to spend itself!”
Jimmy Walter: Thanks for having me, Geraldo. I'm doing this because a fool and his money are soon parted.
CROW: “Waaaaah, my 2 million dollars! Where’d it all go?”
Jimmy Walter: I'm a patriot trying to defend this country from the real terrorists, who have damaged and changed our country.
MIKE: “…And are attacking that poor defenseless Bin Laden guy! Seriously, what’s the deal with that?”
Jimmy Walter: I am asking the same questions that the widows and orphans, parents and friends of the victims of 911 are asking, and have not had answered by either the 911 Commission, nor by any real investigation to the mass murders, that 66% of New Yorkers want investigated.
TOM: I’m just thankful we have real patriots like Jimmy Walter ready to throw himself in harm’s way should the “real terrorists” ever strike again.
Dylan: I'll say it again. Why are they hiding from us? What are they hiding from us?
CROW: Probably the hot steamy affair “they” were having with the Holocaust deniers?
Dylan: And what's it going to take until people in this country give a damn and do something about it?
TOM: [as V] “A vicious and voracious violation of volition?”
CROW: Widespread usage of Newspeak?
MIKE: A three-drink minimum at Dante’s bar?
Dylan: America has been hijacked. Not by Al Qaeda. Not by Osama bin Laden. But by a group of tyrants, ready and willing to do whatever it takes to keep their stranglehold on this country.
TOM: If Bin Laden is so harmless, why don’t you arrange a playdate with him? I’m sure he’d be happy to help you stick it to The Man!
Dylan: So what are we going to do about it?
MIKE: Sit on our asses and post stuff on conspiracy forums?
Dylan: Anything.
Share this information with friends, family, total strangers. Hold screenings, conferences, whatever you have to do to get the word out. It's up to you. Ask questions. Demand answers.
CROW: Stick fingers in ears. Ignore answers when given. Make stuff up when convenient to suit your arguments.
FOR MORE INFORMATION ABOUT 9-11, VISIT THE FOLLOWING WEBSITES:
WWW.GEOCITIES.COM/KILLTOWN
WWW.LETSROLL911.ORG
WWW.PRISONPLANET.COM
WWW.911PROOF.COM
WWW.911BLOGGER.COM
CROW: Come on Dylan, nobody wants to see you and your conspiracy buddies in a circle-jerk!
FEATURING RESEARCH BY
A K DEWDNEY
BBC
CHRISTOPHER BOLLYN
KILLTOWN
MIKE: The BBC’s mommy should have told it not to hang out with people like that.
VERY SPECIAL THANKS:
NATE
WITHOUT WHOM, THIS DOCUMENTARY WOULD HAVE BEEN LOST FOREVER.
THANKS BUDDY.
TOM: I tried to slash Nate’s tires on that day, I swear!
WE HOLD THE 9-11 WIDOWS, ORPHANS AND OTHERS WHO
WERE AFFECTED BY SEPTEMBER 11TH IN THE HIGHEST REGARD.
WE MEAN NO DISRESPECT TO THEM OR THEIR LOVED ONES
IN RELEASING THIS DOCUMENTARY.
LIKEWISE, WE ARE NOT TRYING TO CAPITALIZE OFF OF
THEM, DESPITE WHAT SOME MAY BELIEVE.
RATHER IT IS IN THEIR MEMORY THAT WE SEARCH FOR THE TRUTH.
WE WILL GLADLY SEND A FREE DVD TO ANYONE THAT LOST
FAMILY OR FRIENDS ON 9-11.
SINCERELY,
LOUDER THAN WORDS
TOM: [as Dylan] “Yeah, yeah, we’re sooo sorry for your loss, so here’s a crappy DVD that explains why they’re not really dead. That ought to cheer you up.”
YOU CAN REACH US BY PHONE AT 607-267-4456, BETWEEN 9 AM AND 5 PM EST.
FOR QUESTIONS CONCERNING INTERVIEWS, APPEARANCES, AND SCREENINGS,
PLEASE E-MAIL US AT PUBLICITY@LOOSECHANGE911.COM
MIKE: “Hey Dylan, is your fridge running?”
TOM: “Do you have Prince Albert in a can?”
CROW: “I’m looking for someone named Ahmed Adoudi!”
LOUDER THAN WORDS WAS FORMED IN THE AFTERMATH OF THE RELEASE OF LOOSE CHANGE, AND CONSISTS OF:
KOREY ROWE / DYLAN AVERY / JASON BERMAS
MIKE: That’s nothing to brag about, you know!
IF YOU ENJOYED LOOSE CHANGE, CHECK OUT THESE OTHER 9-11 FILMS:
911:IN PLANE SITE
911:THE ROAD TO TYRANNY
PAINFUL QUESTIONS
MARTIAL LAW
MIKE: Thanks for the warning! [Picks up Tom and leaves, while Crow follows them out]
[Mike and the bots are back on the bridge, reflecting on the film. Mike is clutching his forehead as if he’s got a massive headache, Crow is twitching his head in a strange manner, and Tom’s head globe seems to be filled with smoke, which is seeping out of the top.]
MIKE: Oh man, I don’t think I’m ever going to live that one down. So guys, what have we learned today?
TOM: I learned that just asking questions is the same as demolishing an established body of knowledge, that the information that comes immediately out of a crisis in the following days is just as good as any, and that paranoia is patriotic.
MIKE: [nodding] Okay, okay. So Crow, what about you?
CROW: I learned that you can stave off criticism of your beliefs, no matter how idiotic, by wrapping yourself in the American flag. That way, if anyone challenges you, you can accuse them of undermining the core values that the United States was founded on!
TOM: I also learned that the real revolutionaries are not the ones who push for change or protest government policies that are harming society, but the ones who sit at their computers making slideshow videos, posting armchair anarchy on conspiracy forums, and finding new ways to insult debunkers.
CROW: Yeah, it’s always easier to find a scapegoat to blame all of society’s problems on, than to do actual research or take a real stand out in public with affirmative action or civil disobedience. I mean, what has THAT ever accomplished?
MIKE: I’ve learned never to sit through a long boring conspiracy video like that again. I don’t know what I’m going to do if Pearl decides to pull “9/11 Mysteries” on us next time though.
TOM: Oh yeah, funny you should mention that, Mike.
MIKE: What do you mean?
TOM: Well, it just so happens I’ve prepared for the unlikely event that we’re ever subjected to another conspiracy video. I managed to pull a few strings, and have brought in a couple of ‘specialists’ to deal with the situation, should it arise. Hey guys, you can come in now!
[A couple of elderly muppets enter, stage right.]
STATLER: Well, I’ll tell you one thing about this documentary. It made me think!
WALDORF: Me too—about the sad state of our education system!
BOTH: [cracking up] DOHOHOhohohoho!
MIKE: Let’s check in on Pearl and see how she’s doing.
[Inside Castle Forrester, we see that despite having donned a royal tiara, robes, and scepter, Pearl is looking quite disheveled and distracted. Outside the castle we hear the sounds of chaos from a rioting angry mob. The occasional thrown rock sails over the ramparts and clatters into the room.]
PEARL: Oh, hi there, Nelson. I’m afraid you caught us at a bad time. You see we’re a little preoccupied at the moment.
MIKE: [confused] Uh, what’s going on down there?
TOM: What happened to your plan to unite truthers everywhere?
CROW: Yeah, didn’t you succeed in bringing about your revolution of revolutionary change?
[The Observer can be seen in the background with a push broom, sweeping up all the thrown rocks into a pile.]
PEARL: You see, the funny thing about that. Even though we managed to take control and rally all the conspiracy theorists behind us, it’s their nature to automatically assume that whoever is in charge is behind everything that goes wrong. In other words, blame for 9/11 has shifted to, well—us.
MIKE: Ouch.
[Pearl heads out to the balcony to try and smooth things over.]
PEARL: People, listen, there’s no need to be irrational! I can explain everything if you’d just give me the... [A mushy tomato hits her in the face.] All right, that does it! The gloves are off! [She retreats into the castle.] We’ll show them. Ready the cauldron of molten steel!
BOBO: [nervously] Uh, there’s a slight problem.
PEARL: What?
BOBO: The steel is taking too long to melt using normal kerosene fuel. Should I try heating it up with thermite instead?
[Pearl clocks Bobo on the head with her scepter.]
BOBO: OW! Okay, okay! What if I use the thermate then?
[Pearl clocks Bobo on the head again.]
BOBO: OW!
PEARL: Never mind! I swear, do I have to do everything myself? [Turns back to the camera] See you next time, when hopefully we’ll have the situation under control.
[Roll credits. The stinger clip from Loose Change is shown.]
Dylan: Until the government can prove without a shadow of a doubt that Al-Qaeda was behind September 11th, The American people have every reason to believe otherwise.
[The End]
