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Keys To The White House

shemp

a flimsy character...perfidious and despised
shemp
Joined
Nov 5, 2002
Messages
69,507
Location
The U.S., a wretched hive of scum and villainy.
Assuming there are locks on the doors, who holds the keys to the White House? Does the President have a set of keys? If he comes home drunk late at night, can he let himself in? If the First Lady tries to hit him with a rolling pin, will the Secret Service intervene? I won't sleep until I get satisfying answers to these important questions.
 
There is, however, a hollow rock in the Rose Garden that has a spare key in case the President gets locked out. Or so I am told.
 
shemp said:
Assuming there are locks on the doors, who holds the keys to the White House? Does the President have a set of keys? If he comes home drunk late at night, can he let himself in? If the First Lady tries to hit him with a rolling pin, will the Secret Service intervene? I won't sleep until I get satisfying answers to these important questions.
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Silly rabbit! They don't let the POTUS do anything on his own! Keys? LOL!:dl::dl::dl:
 
shemp said:
Assuming there are locks on the doors, who holds the keys to the White House? Does the President have a set of keys? If he comes home drunk late at night, can he let himself in? If the First Lady tries to hit him with a rolling pin, will the Secret Service intervene? I won't sleep until I get satisfying answers to these important questions.
Click to expand...


The keys are on a chain attached to an old tire rim.
 
The White House was extensively modernized back in the days of Teddy Roosevelt. The doors open with retinal scanning! Unfortunately, the only retinas that work are Teddy Roosevelt's. So the president carries one of Roosevelt's eyes, the other is carried by the night shift janitor. Everybody else has to knock and wait to be let in. The downside to this system, besides the inconvenience of limited access, is the vengeful ghost of Teddy Roosevelt striding around the place, swearing vengeance and murder upon whoever took his eyes. But since he's blind you just have to remain motionless and very quiet when he comes around and you should be fine.
 
shemp said:
Assuming there are locks on the doors, who holds the keys to the White House? Does the President have a set of keys? If he comes home drunk late at night, can he let himself in? If the First Lady tries to hit him with a rolling pin, will the Secret Service intervene? I won't sleep until I get satisfying answers to these important questions.
Click to expand...
S/he doesn't have car keys.
 
Metullus said:
There is, however, a hollow rock in the Rose Garden that has a spare key in case the President gets locked out. Or so I am told.
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Well, that just shows how much you know! It's not a hollow rock - every burglar in the country knows to look for hollow rocks. It's a pile of hollow plastic dog poop!
 
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