January Stundie Finals

[Travis]

Okay the winner from December:

"Simply by holding their breaths and lying down as low as possible to the ground, any number of Jews would have survived even a thirty minute gassing ordeal."

​

Awesome. Here's the virtual trophy.

And now the twenty finalists from January:

1) It's amazing what a lack of punctuation can do.

I would dig out the research but I can't be arsed. I know my facts prove me wrong.

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2) In this universe radio waves broadcast people.

What speed do radio waves travel?

google is your friend, we know it's not at the speed of light as you claimed.

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3) I suppose the first thing to learn on the subject is whether that daytime talk show hypnotism is even real.

If you think, after watching hypnotists on daytime television convince a man in an armchair he's driving a Ferrari, that the CIA can't do more or less the same, then there's not much more to discuss: you need to learn more about the subject.

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4) Damn, I just thought of driving to the store. When does the TSA show up to violate my bowels?

The thought of a plane blowing up is so scary we have to naked cavity search any one who actually thinks about travelling on a plane , train , or automobile.

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5) The list of suspects is narrowed down to one fictional entity with superpowers.

You do realize that at the heart of this conspiracy theory is the idea that some super stealthy ninja style explosive/thermite experts snuck into the World Trade Center buildings undetected, mined the buildings, snuck out of the building completely undetected, set off their thermite/explosive charges in perfect synchronization with some airplanes that happened to be crashing into the buildings and left absolutely no evidence of themselves, their devices or the acquisition of their devices?

Thats exactly what did happen. And the list of organisations that could have pulled that off and gotten away with that is short. Which makes it easy to say something about who did it. Who else but a shadow government?

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6) Zoo's that have a virus section are going to be very boring and deadly.

If animal rights groups were consistent--they would be...conducting a 'protect the polio virus' campaign

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7) This will be totally true once we start building skyscrapers out of Unobtanium.

Severing columns near the ground level of a building will not even induce complete collapse let alone a collapse at gravitational acceleration.

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8) I'm trying to get my head around the fact that: (1) is the plot to a gore film [also why does it matter that the babies are unregistered?] (2) and (3) are just religious groups and (4) is obvious unless this person thought that no other "real" species except humans had ever lived on Earth with us.

I'm trying to get my head around the fact that there are (1) real monsters eating unregistered babies (god if that was ever one reason for contract with admiralty there's one right there) in underground caverns.
(2)The Mormon Church
(3)Jehovahs Witnesses.

I can understand and verify the belief system of sacrificing babies and virgins young blonde girls/boys but thats what I thought was all it boiled down to .
Not that I'm minimising the heinous act of group satanic worship and sex rituals anyway.

(4)quite another to accept there is some real species living amongst us isn't it?

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9) One of the less appreciated aspects of the WTC collapse was the wormhole that zapped the buildings mass to another universe so that the mass of debris wouldn't grow more powerful.

I never suggested debris didn't accumulate at all, but there is nothing to suggest that this mass is some growing entity. It isn't. Not only is mass going in all directions out of the path of collapse, but this upper section itself is being destroyed and losing some of its ability to exert force downward. We can't quantify how much mass is being added to this collapse, but we know three things: a lot of mass is being lost by these ejections, the upper section is losing ability to exert downward force as its destroyed, the upper section loses momentum every time it creates this new falling mass. And the bonus to it all is: the core structure gets larger and stronger as the collapse progresses.

I.e, there is nothing to suggest this collapsing mass is growing more powerful as it falls.

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10) Gotcha. The "footprint" has nothing to do with the "footprint."

The "fall into its footprint" claim describes the building's smooth, symmetrical descent as a whole to the ground. It has nothing to do with the debris footprint.

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11) This is a weird set of priorities.

Yes, I want Bush's pension stripped. But trial for war crimes in the Int'l Criminal Court would be a good second best.

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12) If they are not subject to the law then how are they even capable of wrongdoing?

This battle over the "Anchor Babies" is technically over a couple of words in the 14th Amendment that have been misconstrued for years: "All persons born or naturalized in the United States, and are subject to the jurisdiction thereof, are citizens of the United States and of the state wherein they reside."

The illegals are not subject to the Law until they get caught in some kind of wrongdoing, which could be anything including the fact that they are "trespassers."

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13) If you reverse engineer Supreme Court decisions and apply common sense you'll see that (BIRTHER) + (MATH) + (OBTUSENESS) = WASTE OF TIME.

If you reverse-engineer the Articles 1, 2 and 3 requirements for office, and apply common sense:
1. A US Citizen, eligible to serve in the Legislative Branch, and Judicial Branch, but not the Executive Branch, is:
a. any naturalized US Citizen
b. Using the formula: (SOIL)+(MOM)+(DAD) = BABY CITIZENSHIP
Thus:
A. (USA)+(USA)+(ALIEN) = US NATIVE BORN DUAL CITIZEN
B. (USA)+(ALIEN)+(USA) = US NATIVE BORN DUAL CITIZEN
C. (FOREIGN)+(USA)+(ALIEN) = FOREIGN BORN US DUAL CITIZEN
D. (FOREIGN)+(ALIEN)+(USA) = FOREIGN BORN US DUAL CITIZEN
2. US Natural Born Citizen, eligible to serve in the Legislative Branch, the Executive Branch, and the Judicial Branch, is:
a. Using the formula: (SOIL)+(MOM)+(DAD) = BABY CITIZENSHIP
Thus:
A. (USA)+(USA)+(USA) = US NATURAL BORN CITIZEN
3. Also, applying common sense and logic prior to the 14th Amendment, and USA v Wong Kim Ark, an alien, is:
a. Using the formula: (SOIL)+(MOM)+(DAD) = BABY CITIZENSHIP
Thus:
A. (USA)+(ALIEN)+(ALIEN) = US BORN ALIEN
B. (FOREIGN)+(ALIEN)+(ALIEN) = ALIEN

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14) After reading this several times I have to agree. I'm not even sure what they were trying to do here with the numbers and I still know they failed.

Only an idiot like me can suggest that 9, 11 2001, numerogically amounts to the number "5" (i.e., 14 = 4 +1 = 5), the number of sides of a Pentagon.

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15) Yes all of Queensland is a company because there just happens to be a company with "Queensland" in the name. In other news: the people of Kentucky are pissed about still being poor despite being several companies.

I guess that is to be expected since Queensland seems to be registered with ASIC (Australian Securities Investment Commission) as a company.

Extracted from ASIC's database at AEST 03:05:18 on 30/11/2010

Name QUEENSLAND PTY LTD
ACN 130 826 827 [Australian Company Number]

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16) I plan to order one of these right after I get my monophonic stereo from Contradictions LTD.

Is he using just a telephoto lens or is it a wide angle telephoto lens?

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17) Actually we would get two tides with only one moon....and that's just one thing that's wrong with this.

I believe there are actually two, identical moons that rotate the earth, one exactly opposite the other. The Moon actually orbits at half the speed we think it is and is closer than we believe. That is why we get TWO TIDES per day and not just the one we would get if there were just one moon.

There is actually one real moon (that the astronauts landed on) and a fake spaceship moon, positioned at exactly the opposite side of the earth. That is why we never see two moons at once.

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18) I'd like to think this person was comforted when it was explained to them that we live on an oblate spheroid and that sunlight will travel in a straight line causing beautiful pink clouds when the sun is below the horizon.......and yet I suspect they'd just shout, "warlock!"

I just looked out of the window and saw that the sky is glowing in a very intense red pink tone and its not from the sun it was all day dark outside very dark sky (raining) and now its even more dark outside but the sky glows very intense red and this now I don´t understand: The sky glows red and its dark when you look outside, like there is something what makes the sky glow red very intense. Who can explain this please? Does this has something to do with strange things you people speak about on this forum or what could this be? Maybe radioactive? Maybe this makes the sky glow red pink? And the rest of the streets looks a bit blue or dark blue tone.

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19) Did the representative for the lions and crocodiles get lost on the way to the meeting after getting tricked with bad directions by the wildebeest rep?

Today, I along with the rest of humanity and the animal kingdom, hereby declare this day the founding day of the TWO or Two World Order. We humans along with the animal kingdom will rule this world side by side as partners. There will no longer be any meat eating on the planet. From now on, all animals that are raised as livestock are liberated and freed effective immediately.

The Two World Order or TWO will appoint a transitional ruling council until both the human kingdom and animal kingdoms can anoint a new leader from their kingdoms.

TWO or Two World Order is better than One World Order or the New World Order because two heads (of state) are better than one. Therefore this is intuitively the smart way to rule the planet as we are outnumbered by the animal kingdom and it would probably be stupid to try and continue to rule over them like we have for centuries because some day they will wake up and eat us. Therefore TWO or Two World Order government is being established for humanity's safety and security. Also, it is healthier.

As a condition for Two World Order or TWO which allows for animals and humanity to co-exist peacefully, the animal kingdom has also agreed to change their diet to vegan.
Congratulations to all humanity and the animal kingdom

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20) And I would like to cite this graffiti by my own hand that proves that I, in fact, am "The Stud."

For the record, I am careful to use the word holohoax in complete conformity with the definition.

From wiki

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Holohoax

...

I submitted the definition (to wikipedia) myself, and assumed that had been incorporated into the article. Check back in a few days, it should be appearing soon.

 

[brazenlilraisin]

I was sooo relieved to learn Stundies are multiple choice! Who could pick just one from that lineup?

 

[timhau]

I thought this was a mediocre batch until I got to #17. The last four are pure gold.

I picked #20. I still think multiple choices shouldn't be allowed, because in the end there can be only one true winner.

 

[Travis]

Well there will also be a "Best Stundie of 2010" poll to come up in a couple of days.

 

[uk_dave]

Well there will also be a "Best Stundie of 2010" poll to come up in a couple of days.

Would that be the 12th Biannual Stundie Awards?

 

[Aitch]

I picked #20. I still think multiple choices shouldn't be allowed, because in the end there can be only one true winner.

Go for a Single transferable vote^WP system?

 

[Dave Rogers]

There are a lot of good ones here, but I think the sheer arrogance of #20 places it just that little bit ahead of the pack.

Dave

 

[timhau]

There are a lot of good ones here, but I think the sheer arrogance of #20 places it just that little bit ahead of the pack.

What I consider a cherry on top of that turd is this: the link goes to the Wikipedia page for Holocaust denial; the only time the string 'holohoax' is mentioned is in "redirected from...".

 

[gtm]

19 for me. I'd enjoy seeing the OP persuading a wasps nest to drop their evil carnivorous ways.

 

[Rolfe]

There's something about 5 that just does it for me. Essence of CTer.

Rolfe.

 

[catsmate]

Go for a Single transferable vote^WP system?

Yes, yes! It'd be so much more fun

 

[Oystein]

Travis, really, next time please add a medical warning: Reading the list not recommended while suffering from virus infection, weak heart or similar afflictions!
My cough got worse in 20 steps, from laughing too hard!

So here are the worst contra-indications:

01 - even though unintentional, too good to pass. And probably true
03 - education by trash TV rulez!
09 - a very long winded approach to very simple fail
10 - I think I co-nom'd it
12 - if you think about it, that's a multiple have-it-both ways. awesome!
14 - cute and short
15 - one german comedian is best known for the following wisdom: "if you have no clue, simply shut up for once"
16 - I co-nom'd it
18 - I feel pity for the poor paranoiac
20 - that's the winner!

 

[Oystein]

Well there will also be a "Best Stundie of 2010" poll to come up in a couple of days.

Could you please wait until after I beat the flu? It might just kill me!

 

[Cuddles]

I voted for a few, but 1 and 20 are my favourite. 20 especially, because not only did he cite something he made up and posted himself, but he didn't even bother checking if his edit was actually present on the page before citing it.

 

[Macgyver1968]

Hurray!!!!! My first nomination ever to make it to the finals!

Even though I want my #19 to win...20 looks like it may be a winner. Pure, concentrated stundie-ism.

By the way...there's a new definition of "awesome". I edited the Wiki page to include a picture of me!

 

[Sledge]

18 and 20. Maybe it's because I was involved to some degree in both threads, but those just stand out for me. 18 is an almost perfect illustration of paranoia, 20 an almost perfect distillation of the Holocaust denier mindset: "I said it so it must be true."

 

[jaydeehess]

1,2,8,9,20

1, because its just so darned ironic
2, because the stupid burns through on that one.
8, because of the true crazy it represents. This person may well be in the news some doy, and not for any nice reasons.
9, a perfect illustration of either science illiteracy or just plain illiteracy causing the poster to be unable to get the message out clearly.
20, well of course! How can one ignore a self serving self quote? Sophistry at its absolute finest.

 

[Rogue1stclass]

Didn't vote last month because the entries were too insane to pick a standout. This month, I had to go with 19, mostly because I'm picturing the negotiations with predatory and parasitic animals.

"Okay, Mr. Flea, we really need you to stop drinking blood. We can make you kind of soy based--OW"

*Flea hops away*

 

[Fonebone]

AND the winner is .......

Number twenty one wins --
Ergo's nomination --
http://www.internationalskeptics.com/forums/showthread.php?postid=6789744#post6789744

The stundie with 3 pieces of supporting evidence.
http://www.internationalskeptics.com/forums/showthread.php?postid=6821746#post6821746
Yep - It was flushed down into the JREF sceptic tank
because the stundie nomination is irrefutable.

 

[332nd]

Number twenty one wins --
Ergo's nomination --
http://www.internationalskeptics.com/forums/showthread.php?postid=6789744#post6789744

The stundie with 3 pieces of supporting evidence.
http://www.internationalskeptics.com/forums/showthread.php?postid=6821746#post6821746
Yep - It was flushed down into the JREF sceptic tank
because the stundie nomination is irrefutable.

Shush.