Is sexual addiction real?

JFrankA

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JFrankA
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Mar 25, 2006
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This is kind of personal to me because of my divorce. During our marriage, I wanted sex far more than my ex-wife did. So that when we divorced, she claimed that I am a "Sex Addict". In the end, it didn't affect the divorce agreement, but it is in the court document.

I have to agree that I am more open about sex than most people, my attitudes are a different than most people, but that does not make me a sex addict.

Then I came across this article.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21646830/

I agree with it. I don't believe that there is a "Sexual Addiction". Maybe "Nymphomania", but that is a different thing than a "Sexual Addiction".

From what I understand: "Nymphomania" is someone who goes from person to person without emotional ties, and is a symptom of another psychological problem, not itself the source of the problem. "Sexual Addiction" is a problem like Alcoholism.

So I just want to know if my assessment is sound. Do I understand Nymphomania correctly? Is there such a thing as "Sexual Addiction"? If so, what is addiction anyway? (Because if there is, by their definition of addiction, I'm addicted to sex, water, breathing and food). And if there is "Sexual Addiction" just what is the difference between "high sex drive" and "addicted"?

Sorry for the long post, I just want some opinions....
 
well, my first reaction would have been to counterclaim that your x was frigid and to further ask whether it was physical or psychological.
More seriously, I am not sure whether there is or should be any real distinction between the 2 terms.

I have mixed feelings about calling things like this addictions along with things like gambling and eating. I think addiction should be restricted to things that create a physical change - heroin, cocaine, alcohol.

Are there people who engage in destructive behavior that involves sex - whether with prostitutes, porn, or one night stands - at the detriment of their health carrier, and other relationships ABSOLUTELY but I would think that this is a symptom of a disease and not the disease.

As for your issue of sexual incompatibility, it's the number 1 or 2 reason (the other is finances) for divorce in the US - if not the world.
 
Well...how often did you want sex? We can't give you our opinions unless we know what you consider reasonable or excessive.
 
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Yes.

It's real.

I know a woman who is literally ruled by her gonads. She is a sexworker, and a high end one at that. But that's not enough for her, she goes to swingers parties and S&M play parties and Hedonism II and even adult book stores to meet her insatiable need.

I've known her for years and really like her. She's intelligent and funny and literate and educated. I'm probably her only friend of either sex who has never played with her because; A. Its no challenge. and B. I don't want to mess up a friendship.

But yeah, she is a sex addict and has it as bad as any junkie I have ever known.
 
JFrankA said:
I wanted sex far more than my ex-wife did. So that when we divorced, she claimed that I am a "Sex Addict".
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Her claim that you are a sex addict neither means you are or aren't a sex addict. IOW, her assessment of your behavior is not a valid diagnosis of this pathology.

My ex-wife thought that by pleasuring myself to a Playboy magazine I was "Literally raping the woman in the picture."
 
Addiction can be defined as "behavior that you can't stop even though it is causing negative effects in your life, whether you want to keep doing it or not."

High sex drive has nothing to do with it.
 
I've got a foolproof tip for her.

Become a man.

Preferably under five foot eight. Going bald would help.

A little extra around the tummy? You can practically taste freedom.
 
tkingdoll said:
Well...how often did you want sex? We can't give you our opinions unless we know what you consider reasonable or excessive.
Click to expand...

Does wanting sex nearly constantly make one a sex addict? or do you have to want it to the point of being willing to do nearly anything for it?

Because I mean, if you ask me nearly any time of the day or night if I wanted sex, I'm pretty much gona give the same answer: "yes."

I mean when I wasn't single I'd sometimes go for like a solid half hour not really wanting sex... but that would generally be because I was still cooling off from having had... Well... nevermind. Actually... it might be less than a half hour on occasion.

But yea: It's not the only thing in my life or anything.
 
Sex addiction is quite real. It can occur alone or be mixed with the desperate need for danger, thrills, or newness, or other addictions.
 
I kinda have to agree and disagree at the same time with this part:

""We tend to call things addictions that have unfavorable connotations or behaviors that some in society regard as being unacceptable. We do not talk about Sunday afternoon football addiction, money addiction, or a workaholic as people who need treatment like a cocaine addict. We tolerate a certain level of obsessiveness. But this is not the case with more deviant activities. We do not approve of constant viewing of sex. So we pathologize it.""


I don't think it is necesarily true that there hasn't been a case in which a person has told his/her friend: "You know, you're obssesed with your job. I think you seriously need help", as if they were talking to a drug addict.

Sure, it's true we have created a whole moral about sex (that's why it sells so good. The guilt factor), but that doesn't mean that there is no such thing as sexaholics and nymphomaniacs.

And I have to agree: sometimes abstinence creates an acumulation of tension that can be mistaken for a sexual obsession but it's just the long-term need for having sex. I know it from my own experience. I can't remember the last time I had sex. And no, it hasn't been easy. Sometimes I have days when it hits me really really hard. But I know there are reasons my craving.

Long story short: Yes. I believe Sexual Obsession is a real thing. Not always it's a pathology. Sometimes it's a stage (teenagehood, for example).
 
Depends. 20 times a day could be viewed as addiction. If, OTOH, you are being called an addict because you want it 2-3 times a day, then it's not you who has the problem.

BTW, the term "nymphomania" refers to women. For men, the respective term is "satyriasis".
 
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El Greco said:
Depends. 20 times a day could be viewed as addiction. If, OTOH, you are being called an addict because you want it 2-3 times a day, then it's not you who has the problem.
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No, you could still be the one with the problem. If the need for even once or twice a week leads you into dangerous or uncontrolled behavior, there's an issue with you.

For instance, if you're married, and your wife goes out of town for a week, and you go out and get a hooker because it has been 4 days and you haven't had sex and you can't wait 3 more days... you have a problem.
 
JoeEllison said:
No, you could still be the one with the problem. If the need for even once or twice a week leads you into dangerous or uncontrolled behavior, there's an issue with you.

For instance, if you're married, and your wife goes out of town for a week, and you go out and get a hooker because it has been 4 days and you haven't had sex and you can't wait 3 more days... you have a problem.
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Completely irrelevant. If we follow your logic, you could still have a problem if you only want it once a month but you still don't get it. One's behaviour has nothing to do with whether it's normal to have the sexual urges he does. Here we don't discuss what effects lack of sex may have, but what frequency may be considered as "normal" and what could be possibly considered as a pathological condition.
 
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JFrankA said:
This is kind of personal to me because of my divorce. During our marriage, I wanted sex far more than my ex-wife did. So that when we divorced, she claimed that I am a "Sex Addict". In the end, it didn't affect the divorce agreement, but it is in the court document.

I have to agree that I am more open about sex than most people, my attitudes are a different than most people, but that does not make me a sex addict.

Then I came across this article.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21646830/

I agree with it. I don't believe that there is a "Sexual Addiction". Maybe "Nymphomania", but that is a different thing than a "Sexual Addiction".

From what I understand: "Nymphomania" is someone who goes from person to person without emotional ties, and is a symptom of another psychological problem, not itself the source of the problem. "Sexual Addiction" is a problem like Alcoholism.

So I just want to know if my assessment is sound. Do I understand Nymphomania correctly? Is there such a thing as "Sexual Addiction"? If so, what is addiction anyway? (Because if there is, by their definition of addiction, I'm addicted to sex, water, breathing and food). And if there is "Sexual Addiction" just what is the difference between "high sex drive" and "addicted"?

Sorry for the long post, I just want some opinions....
Click to expand...

Mood altering behaviors can often be addictive, and the behavioral hallmarks are the same
-engaging in the addiction more often, longer and frequently than desired
-engaging in the addiction when there are very negative consequences
-the addictive behaviors impacts all three areas of functioning home, work and social


That said, different people have very different sexual desire levels, add to that the power and control issues that many people engage in in a relationship and you have a very common problem. Then many people confuse sex and self esteem and you have a real mess.


So if you engage is sexual behavior after you have told yourself you wont, engage is sex when you know there will be very negative consequences ,
or engage in sex such that it ruins your friendships, makes you late and miss work or ruins all your primary relationships then you might consider sexual addiction.


However, some people are just mean and will say mean stuff in a divorce.
 
El Greco said:
Completely irrelevant. If we follow your logic, you could still have a problem if you only want it once a month but you still don't get it. One's behaviour has nothing to do with whether it's normal to have the sexual urges he does. Here we don't discuss what effects lack of sex may have, but what frequency may be considered as "normal" and what could be possibly considered as a pathological condition.
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Not in reference to addiction, a 'normal' person can moderate their use of alcohol, an alcoholic can not.

If I only use my drug of choice once a year but I spend all my time thinking about that one use, I am addicted.

The 'pathology' is based upon engaging in a behavior that has very negative consequences despite the knowledge of those consequences.
 
DRBUZZ0 said:
Does wanting sex nearly constantly make one a sex addict? or do you have to want it to the point of being willing to do nearly anything for it?

Because I mean, if you ask me nearly any time of the day or night if I wanted sex, I'm pretty much gona give the same answer: "yes."

I mean when I wasn't single I'd sometimes go for like a solid half hour not really wanting sex... but that would generally be because I was still cooling off from having had... Well... nevermind. Actually... it might be less than a half hour on occasion.

But yea: It's not the only thing in my life or anything.
Click to expand...

The question is not how often the addiction is engaged in or how often it is desired:

The question is , does it mess up your life? Does it keep you from doing well at work, home and with friends?

I have known people with very high libidos who are not addicted, they do not engage is self destructive behaviors. They do not seek out dangerous sex with dangerous partners, they adapt their behavior to known risks, they maintain work and friendships.
 
El Greco said:
Completely irrelevant. If we follow your logic, you could still have a problem if you only want it once a month but you still don't get it. One's behaviour has nothing to do with whether it's normal to have the sexual urges he does. Here we don't discuss what effects lack of sex may have, but what frequency may be considered as "normal" and what could be possibly considered as a pathological condition.
Click to expand...
One's behavior is actually the entire point! And, when talking about addiction, frequency isn't the sole determining factor, motivation and control over the behavior counts for much more. Wanting sex 3 times a day isn't necessarily pathological. Not being at all capable of going without sex for more than a week without cheating on your spouse is pathological.

I like beer. A LOT. :D I could drink a couple of beers every night. Sometimes I DO have a couple of beers every night. That doesn't make me an alcoholic, because it isn't about frequency. What would make my behavior pathological is if, knowing that I had to drive somewhere, I had to have my daily drinks anyway, and I was physically unable to stop myself from drinking.
 
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