(Finally here) April Stundie Finals

[Travis]

Well people my life has been quite busy lately (but part of it involves a movie you might be able to see in a few months if you live near a theater that shows indie flicks (also doing some home renovation)). And it may be so until next month. Thankfully someone has volunteered to take over Stundie duties next month if I should be sidelined so long again.

So what was the winner from March?

Here you go.

Now, dropped simultaneously from the same height, which would hit the ground first, a small brick or a really big one with the same shape and material ?

That's a catch question isn't it? A small brick vs really big one with the same shape and material? How can it have the same shape if it is bigger than the small one?

1) Canada will find it very disconcerting that the USA somehow quantum tunneled into Africa.

"I am a member of the United States of America," Stevens said. "I do not want to be a member of a North American country."

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2) Little known fact: the WTC had toilets made out of depleted uranium. Because......well, why the hell not? After all the bids for the C4 coated rebar had come in way under their allotted budget.

They didn't find any toilets, bro. That's amazing. There's nothing
about a building collapse that dustifies the toilets so thoroughly
that you can't find any after the collapse. Therefore, it wasn't
a collapse.

However, if you include the possibility of an energy weapon,
things make much more sense. A wave of energy passing
through the building could possibly destroy the toilets in a way
that a collapse could not have.

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3) Just knowing someone took the time to uncover this makes my brain hurt. That it still proves nothing is rather funny.

9/11 written in Roman Numerals is IX XI
Slide the X on the left on top of the I on the left.
Slide the X on the right on top of the I on the right.

If you think of the letter "I" as a WTC tower, it looks like both towers were "X-ed" (crossed) out.

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4) I bet the kick on this gun is a real bitch.

when a bullet is flying through the air at supersonic speed, gravity is not a factor until the bullet falls below escape velocity (72km/s i think?) - THEN it will be pulled towards the earth and the path it takes will be one of the least resistance. A bullet isnt made out of electricity by the way you idiot.

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5) So pharaohs and sun gods were subject to arbitrary traffic stops?

I've also noted that blacks in America today are the most privileged group in history ever, short of pharaohs and sun-kings.

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6) Ah yes. The famous Sermon On The Galt's Gulch

Democrats are no longer Christian. I see no reason to debate it. Social(ist) justice and collective(ist) salvation are in direct opposition to the teachings of Christ.

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7) Well to be fair in order to access the library you did have to cross the Valley Of Pain, climb the Cliffs Of Misery and traverse the Plains Of Blood.

Simple research in 2001?

Google only actively started a few years earlier in 1998 and didn't issue an IPO until 2004.

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8) Good thing I perfected the vaccine. Now if only I could get that Furry Fetish serum to work!

People not wanting to contract homosexuality (ie. people who have an interest in sexual reproduction (ie. nearly everybody)) should avoid and dismiss homosexuals and homosexuality. So homophobia is logical.

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9) Now it would have been really scary if it was the premiere Bigfoot team from Luxembourg because everyone knows they only get top ranking because they pay the judges.

We waited in silence again. Then, the howl! We waited, not knowing what to do. All of us were looking around at each other wondering if anyone was going to do something. Finally, the professor started forward toward the direction of the beast and we followed. We would stop and blast a call every once in a while, and every once in a while the call would be returned.
...
We stayed frozen for about five minutes and then started to move around towards the clearing again. Those last few steps were the hardest steps I’ve ever taken. I had to fight my screaming instinct to run for my life with every single step.

As we rounded the outcropping and came into the clearing we stopped dead in our tracks for a final time! Because there, in the clearing right in front of me, right in front of all of us, not ten feet away, was Austria’s premier Bigfoot research team with a tape-deck and a loud-speaker!

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10) The big question this raises: how do you know your favorite chair isn't an inter-dimensional communication device that uses magic?

HAARP looks like an antennae farm, but you don't know if it has capabilities or purposes beyond that which you see. For all you know, it may utilize some very advanced or suppressed technology you are not aware of. You're just making uneducated guesses based on what you've seen on TV or read on government truther pseudoscience blogs.

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11) So there is no spoon unless you started off thinking there was no spoon in which case there totally is a spoon.

People here do not put all their eggs in one basket, they are open to all possibilities.

Dismiss nothing, believe nothing also, but open your mind, search inside yourself, there you will find answers.

One thing is for sure, the answers we are indoctrinated into, are not real.

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12) Well if REAL SCIENCE doesn't have the answers FAKE SCIENCE will absolutely pretend it does and use only primary education to boot.

Oh sure, REAL SCIENCE, can't specify the tons of steel and tons of concrete that were on each and every level of the towers in TEN YEARS.

Conspiracies are irrelevant. It is just a propaganda word to scare people away from the grade school physics of skyscrapers

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13) Yeah, nothing scientific about the idea that an airliner moving at 500 mph can remove sprayed on insulation. Clearly only wizards can do that.

The stripping of the core column insulation is critical to the NIST conclusion, and without it they cannot get the buildings to collapse. No scientific justification was give for the stripping except that it was in the path of the aircraft.

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14) The saddest thing about this post is that this man's significant other may not have ever had an orgasm.

It matters a lot, at a practical level, because it normalizes behavior for which you don’t need a complementary pair.
The spread of anal and oral sex among heterosexuals has erased the innate “yuck” factor from homosexual sex. We’re doing everything they’re doing, so what differentiates our sexual relations from theirs anymore? We’re straight sodomizers and we marry, so why shouldn’t gay sodomizers marry? We enter into a marriage we know to be infertile, so why shouldn’t infertile gay couples marry? Straight men have abandoned all natural law arguments that ground the justification for heterosexual marriage by lying with their wives as if they were men.
We’re all sodomizers now.

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15) I don't want the source of the evidence I want the evidence! Also stop pointing out the drinking fountain when I say I'm thirsty. I want you to put in an IV and hang a saline bag.

Not sources, but evidence! Did you read anywhere in my posts asking you to provide sources?

When you will even understand such easy concept. You have a brilliant mind, it is easy to polish this concept over it.

I am not proving anything with the list.

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16) Blasted! If only the imaginary Powers-That-Be operated in the way we fantasize!

WHY has this become a world wide news story? At the very least, it should have been covered up -- by someone. But yet, its top news story everywhere. Why?

I mean, it seriously contradicts everything we know of the SS (Secret Service). What is really going on here?

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17) Yes, coroner, this is Detective Dumhass, I need to know if that sperm came from the victim.....yes I'm aware the victim was female so was it her sperm? Why are you laughing?

Ok, a crime has been committed, a woman has been raped and murdered in a secluded area miles from anywere. For all intents and purposes it is an almost perfect crime with no witnesses and almost no evidence left by the killer.
After a lengthy investigation, the only evidence that has been uncovered is blood and sperm at the crime scene that does not belong to the victim.

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18) The Beta version of Insult Every1 is looking very promising.

Because blacks make better slaves. It’s the same reason boys are being made more feminine through socialization and paternal alienation. Women, feminine men, and blacks are less intelligent and more easily manipulated than masculine men and whites. Without the minority and female vote, the welfare state that supports minorities and women wouldn’t exist. Minorities and especially women like to be taken care of, and are less capable of understanding the long-term repercussions of their actions.

Whites and intelligent, masculine men are both being bred out of existence because there are too much a threat to those who wish to make us slaves. Masculine, intelligent, independent white men have few children or refuse to have any children at all, whilst feminine, stupid, welfare queens and blacks breed like rabbits while sucking on the teet of white working men’s tax dollars. Good, strong men are no longer “in”. The future is a world full of meek, fickle, consumer whoring slaves who spend their life’s energy working to support their masters. In fact, we are already well on our way there.

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19) How weird it is that celebrities are dying where they live. It would make so much more sense if they kept turning up dead in Greenland wearing Hawaiian floral print shirts.

I find it suspicious that all the famous people dying lately do so mostly in Commiefornia: Dick Clark, Michael Jackson, Whitney Houston, Steve Bridges the comic who made fun of Obama, Andrew Breitbart and even Mike Wallace. And a reminder the Coroner is elected. Wonder what Party holds the office? Read about communists – eliminating icons of society is something they do…they are the new saviors, they want people to forget the past.

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20) Also 1+8+0=9 which if turned upside down and repeated twice more also......ah forget it. Here's more numerology insanity.

ALSO NOTE HOW BEYONCE’S GRAMMY DRESS IS FULL OF EQUILATERAL 666 TRIANGLES (60 DEGREES X 3 = 180 DEGREES, BUT MINUS THE ZEROS AND YOU HAVE 666)

DAME OF MATLA SHAKIRA ALSO HAS THE SAME EQ 666 TRIANGLE DRESS BUT IN YELLOW.

WICKED ENTERTAINMENT INDUSTRY SERVING THE BEAST!

 

[fourtoe]

2. Toilets are the black boxes of the office building.

6. I picked it, gotta support my baby.

7. This one is probably the best. Not only were their libraries but there were also other search engines.

10. This one is the most well rounded, but I think still below #7 because the person who stated it could just be a troll/poe.

19. I would not mind if this one won, either.

 

[Cocana The Second]

Those are my shortlisted choices too but I love the numerolobotomised ones as well, so 3 and 20 have to get a mention.

 

[Liam]

No. 2 wins it for me. Absolute classic. An apt number considering the subject is toilets.

 

[Agatha]

Thanks for doing this every month, Travis!

2 and 7 are indeed excellent, and I also had to vote for the insanity that are 11, 15 and 17.

 

[332nd]

7 because it reminds me of the time in grad school the campus computer system crashed & a group of students were mystified by the Dewey decimal system.

8. Because I'm an actor & my wife is a costume designer, many of our friends & coworkers are gay, & it didn't seem to cause a problem with us having a child.


17 because that's just.... wow.

 

[sts60]

#2 because it is typical of the mendacious, clue-free, incompetent lunacy of the freak show that is Judy Wood and her tiny band of groupies.

#7 because it so nicely captures the blissful ignorance of the average conspiracy "theorist", especially the younger set, whose research skills are largely confined to finding the remote control under the seat cushion. (Credit to JayUtah for that one.)

#10 because... well, of course it doesn't look like a death ray, so it probably is a death ray! Why else would the bad guys hold open houses and summer schools there? (ETA: also a nice example of the "Appeal to Equal Ignorance".)

 

[jaydeehess]

I wanted to vote for 18 out the 20 but I can't bring myself to do that, so had to think it through again. I decided that all of those 18 are equally good and that number 4 stood out as the one that had me laughing so hard I had to look away for a bit.

What would you have to construct a bullet, travelling at Mach 210, of to keep it from vapourizing in our atmosphere?

If I am not mistaken its 0.024% the speed of light! I was going to calculate its momentum and kinetic energy but I don't feel like adding in relativistic effects.

Then there is the 'gravity does not affect things travelling above escape velocity' thing. Hilarious,, though when one thinks about the fact that some people believe this it gets sad.................

 

[jaydeehess]

I should add that the two I originally excluded are 12 and 15 becuase I have seen them or similar so often.

I have to admit that with number 1 it would be great if I could book a cruise to Mexico from Fort Frances, Ontario rather than having to travel to an ocean port.

 

[BazBear]

A lot of good ones, but I love 4. It's just all so stupid all around. Escape velocity is now ~160,000 mph? And bullets travel faster than that?

 

[Horatius]

I can't believe the library one is beating out the missing toilets!

 

[1337m4n]

Sounds like whoever wrote #2...

...was full of crap.

 

[fourtoe]

I just got done arguing with the guy who runs this site who also said that there were no toilets found at the WTC pile. He mentioned the toilets and other things were missing but I couldn't take him seriously because of that Stundie. I hope it wins.

 

[Orphia Nay]

Number 16 is my favourite ("But it is not covered up!"), but I also voted for number 7.

Thanks for the poll, Travis, and good luck with all the stuff you've got going on.

 

[BaaBaa]

4, if only for the sentence, "A bullet isnt made out of electricity by the way you idiot."

 

[tsig]

Vote early vote often for #7

Since I nominated #7 I voted for it, if it wins it will have the added benefit of annoying triforcharity because he missed out on nominating it by minutes.


ETA: I also think it should win because it perfectly personifies the u-tube generation.

 

[carlitos]

Since I nominated #7 I voted for it, if it wins it will have the added benefit of annoying Triforcharity because he missed out on nominating it by minutes.


ETA: I also think it should win because it perfectly personifies the u-tube generation.

Yeah. Like the dude in the Holocaust Denial thread, when presented with 100 books on a subject, and replied "I don't want books, I want links!" I pity the junior college teachers that have to put up with these guys.

 

[jaydeehess]

4, if only for the sentence, "A bullet isnt made out of electricity by the way you idiot."

Yes that was the icing on the cake for me.

 

[jaydeehess]

I just got done arguing with the guy who runs this site who also said that there were no toilets found at the WTC pile. He mentioned the toilets and other things were missing but I couldn't take him seriously because of that Stundie. I hope it wins.

I doo like the toilet issue for the sole reason that if I had the compulsion to do it, I am sure I could, in an hour or less, reduce a toilet to unrecogizable chunks and dust with a 16 oz hammer and a pair of side cutters.
With a million tons of concrete and steel debris, falling from as high as 1300 feet, I have no problem believing an even better job could be accomplished in 15-20 seconds.

 

[tsig]

I doo like the toilet issue for the sole reason that if I had the compulsion to do it, I am sure I could, in an hour or less, reduce a toilet to unrecogizable chunks and dust with a 16 oz hammer and a pair of side cutters.
With a million tons of concrete and steel debris, falling from as high as 1300 feet, I have no problem believing an even better job could be accomplished in 15-20 seconds.

I once broke up a toilet, it was extremely easy all you had to do was tap it with a hammer and it flew apart.