What's on the other side?
Charlie Brooker
Saturday March 19, 2005
The Guardian
[...] Finally, I can enjoy LivingTV's full range of psychic-centric programming to the full - something I'd been looking forward to, not because I'm interested in the afterlife, but because I simply can't believe the sheer audacity of the people who claim to be in touch with it.
Take Crossing Over With John Edward (daily, 4.15am), a US import in which the host purports to receive messages from the dead relatives of vulnerable audience members. The show seems heavily edited, and Edward's messages are either hopelessly vague or clearly whittled down through methodical "cold-reading" (the guessing-game process of elimination via which so-called mediums often appear to arrive at accurate revelations).
Nevertheless, his victims fall for it, possibly because they can't quite believe a fellow human being would exploit the pain of their bereavement for financial gain. Anyway, forget channelling spirits - Edwards seems rather better at channelling the facial mannerisms of Sylvester Stallone. Either that or he's recently been smacked in the jaw with a boat hook. Like he deserves.
Then there's 6ixth Sense (daily, 5.05am) in which Colin Fry, who looks like a failed prototype Chuckle brother, pulls much the same shtick for a UK audience. Both shows feature heavy disclaimers in the credits - a wodge of text that shoots down any notion of plausibility, claiming the shows are not purporting to be taken as factual, and are simply "entertainment".
In other words, by their own admission, they're making grief-stricken relatives cry for entertainment. On a scale of moral reprehensibility, this isn't too far away from child porn. It's psychological rape: disgusting, dishonest and exploitative. Here's how to solve the psychic problem: make it a jailable offence for any "medium" to charge for their services without a licence. How do they get a licence? Simply by demonstrating their abilities under laboratory conditions (something not one has ever been able to do). That'd sort 'em out.
Less sickening, though equally preposterous, is Most Haunted (Tue, 9pm) - an allegedly "factual" cross between Scooby Doo and the Blair Witch Project, hosted by Yvette Fielding and "Britain's leading psychic" Derek Acorah. It's outrageous nonsense - nothing but a bunch of people lamely making stuff up, holding seances and going "woooh", shot with night-vision cameras to make it look creepy. The only thing genuinely returning from the grave here is Yvette's career.
Still, Derek's hilarious, particularly when he gets "possessed" by spirits and screams the word "bitch" right into Yvette's face. If he believes in what he's doing, he's insane. If he doesn't, he's a laughable prat. Either way, Derek loses and we win. As a "paranormal investigation", Most Haunted is about as scientifically rigorous as an episode of Bod, but the audience laps it up. I watched last weekend's "live special" and was dismayed by the avalanche of texts the show received.
Mind you, many claimed to have experienced a strange sensation of "nausea" and reported their sets "switching off" during the show. Paranormal phenomena, or flickerings of sanity? You needn't be psychic to work that one out.
