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Bible written by Satan

Oliver

Penultimate Amazing
Oliver
Joined
Aug 12, 2006
Messages
17,396
Yep, it's true. The Bible was written by Satan himself to catch all the believers souls.

Think about it - the more those Bible believers deny it, the more their souls belong to him.
You really have to love that guy. What a genius!
 
Who said Satan was real and God wasn't? Well, except for the guy who was insisting that atheists were really deliberate minions of Satan that is.

Oh, wait.

Yes, the OP must have it right. Females as slaves, war, murdering your children, killing other-believers... Yeah, makes sense, eh?
 
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mijopaalmc said:
Why is Satan real but God not?
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mijopaalmc meet Oliver. Oliver is a rascal. What I think he is saying in his humorous German way is that God is as real as Satan and Satan is as real as God. ie they are both human inventions. Also that the Bible is not very nice and when you look at it closely you see that Satan is the good guy and that God is the bad guy.

Is that right Oliver?

(nice to see you again)
 
Brainache-

I am already somewhat acquainted with Oliver. My post, while not accompanied by the appropriate smilie, was in the same vein of humor as the OP.

Nonetheless, thank you for the formal introduction. :)
 
mijopaalmc said:
Brainache-

I am already somewhat acquainted with Oliver. My post, while not accompanied by the appropriate smilie, was in the same vein of humor as the OP.

Nonetheless, thank you for the formal introduction. :)
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OK gotcha. I wasn't sure, because we sometimes get some very earnest posters here who have problems spotting jokes. Looks like it was me this time.:)
 
The idea was actually popular among at least some forms of gnostic dualism that, basically, Satan created the world when God wasn't looking ;)

Well, not always like that, but basically their world had the nastier OT god as a lower god, and there is a higher god that wants to save everyone and that is occasionally hinted at in the OT.

The idea isn't even as crazy as it sounds... well, by the standards of theology, anyway. It makes more sense than having one deranged God who loves you, yet wants to fry you, and even arranges so some people will fall so he has someone to fry.

E.g., the very first pages of Genesis tell you that the OT God doesn't want people to have eternal life. Yet Jesus is all about giving people eternal life, and even hints that other people already got it. So, you know, how did that happen? Who saved those?

E.g., Cain greatly displeases the OT God all the way, yet as "punishment" he's given a long life and a mark that says he can't be killed. WTH punishment is that? If I were a god and told you that doing X would result in being "punished" with living a thousand years and being marked so you can't be killed, sorta like Superman, think about it... wouldn't you do it immediately? :p Enter at least one sect where Cain is sorta a first prophet of the true higher God, and who sacrificed his brother to that higher God, instead of it being just a murder. And is rewarded for it.

E.g., the same God who loves people, doesn't want them to eat that friggin' apple and gain knowledge. Why? If you had two kids, wouldn't you want them to become all smart and knowledgeable? What kind of a parent would want the kids to be as dumb as the animals? So in that setup, the snake is an agent of the true higher God, who slips under the radar of the lower God of Eden and teaches those kids how to get that knowledge. You know, the Gnosis from which those sects even got their name.
 
it's even worse than that. The bible was written by humans. Every bit of cruelty and callousness in the bible was thought up and recorded by a human and then used by another human as an excuse for their own cruelty and callousness. We did this to ourselves and only have ourselves to blame.
 
Lamuella said:
it's even worse than that. The bible was written by humans. Every bit of cruelty and callousness in the bible was thought up and recorded by a human and then used by another human as an excuse for their own cruelty and callousness. We did this to ourselves and only have ourselves to blame.
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Very sad, but so very true. :(
 
Lamuella said:
it's even worse than that. The bible was written by humans. Every bit of cruelty and callousness in the bible was thought up and recorded by a human and then used by another human as an excuse for their own cruelty and callousness. We did this to ourselves and only have ourselves to blame.
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I could imagine Will Smith having said that. Well wrote.
 
Hey now I have two German friends who are funny. I promise. I have known both friends for around 10 years, both natives who live there, in far separate parts of the country, each quite funny. One is even very good with American idioms.

Anyway, Satan and God were pals. They'd be walking along, chilling, and Satan would say, "hey, you know what would be funny? If I took that Job guy and destroyed his life." And God would say, "hells yeah man, let's do this!"
 
A sound premise considering God killed scores more people then Satan (that's if Satan killed anybody at all).
 
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