Bi-racial children

[rachaella]

I was wondering if anyone here has any experience with bi-racial children (especially if they have white parents). My boyfriend's brother has a black father that he doesn't know about, and at almost 8 years old just thinks he's a white person that's "really tan". Do you think its okay not to tell a child about their racial heritage, and/or the fact that they have a different dad than the person they think? At what age do you think it would be appropriate to bring up the subject? My boyfriend's mother is waiting for her son to ask, point blank "Am I black?". Personally I think this may turn out to be kind of late.

 

[Luciana]

But the boy is not black, as much as he's not white. "Mixed" is a word I hate, but appropriate here.

I think it's great that he has never asked or bothered - it means it was never a issue for him. I hope it never becomes one.

I'd be very careful so as to not to make it more important than it really is. No fuss about it. It may be shocking... but then many things are in the life of a child. Remember when they told about lovemaking, and how the first thing you thought was "oh, no, not my mom and dad"! I remember being very suspicious of them for the next couple of days. Later, I just got used to the idea. Well, that's what I think it should happen to him.

In Brazil, I'm white. In the US, Latina. Oh, see if I care either way. I like to be defined as Brazilian, I like that. Brazilians are black, white and indian. My skin color has no bearing in how I lead my life. Maybe it bears influence on how people see me - well, I can't be held accountable for other people's prejudices. But it never had any detrimental or beneficial effect on my life, not that I know of.

"Bi-racial" children. What an interesting label. We don't have an equivalent here. Why apply a label if everybody would fall under it??

 

[Zep]

Don't worry about that yourself, and it appears there's no point to making the boy worry about it either by mentioning it. It isn't on his agenda at the moment, and I suspect he won't be unique either.

Some thoughtless kids may find some way to tease him about it, but if he wasn't noticeably "white" or "black" then they would find something else instead.

Really, by simply putting it out of your mind as a "problem", you relegate it to the same status as straight/curly hair, or brown/green eyes. That is, it's interesting but hardly a setback. Don't worry! There'll be enough other "growing up" stuff to deal soon enough!

 

[scarlet_35]

when my daughter was born I wasn't with her dad any longer. I started dating the man I ended up marrying and he pretty much became her dad but I always told her, even before she asked that he wasn't her dad and she did see him (her real father) once in a great while (she no longer does though) and she never called him dad, instead she asked my boyfriend if he would be her dad. (kids are pretty darn smart, they amaze me sometimes)

I think the boy should have been told about his real father a long time ago, now that he's getting older he may resent not being told eariler. The fact that his father is black isn't as big a deal to me as just the fact that he knows he has another father. Regardless of the type of person his father is or isn't, he has the right to know.

I've known people who didn't know about their real parents until their parents got divorced and then suddenly they're told "well that wasn't your real dad anyway" and I always thought that was unfair.

 

[rachaella]

when my daughter was born I wasn't with her dad any longer. I started dating the man I ended up marrying and he pretty much became her dad but I always told her, even before she asked that he wasn't her dad and she did see him (her real father) once in a great while (she no longer does though) and she never called him dad, instead she asked my boyfriend if he would be her dad. (kids are pretty darn smart, they amaze me sometimes)

I think the boy should have been told about his real father a long time ago, now that he's getting older he may resent not being told eariler. The fact that his father is black isn't as big a deal to me as just the fact that he knows he has another father. Regardless of the type of person his father is or isn't, he has the right to know.

I've known people who didn't know about their real parents until their parents got divorced and then suddenly they're told "well that wasn't your real dad anyway" and I always thought that was unfair.

Yes, I think he should be told he has a different dad. I think that the fact that he is black is just one way that this issue will eventually come to a head if it dawns on him that the person he calls dad is, in all probability, not his dad. I think he's going to resent his mom for keeping it from him, and probably the man who he thinks is his biological father.

 

[Outcast]

I think it's great that he has never asked or bothered - it means it was never a issue for him. I hope it never becomes one.

He may not ask because it not an issue with him, but because he senses there are certain things he is not to ask about. Also you have to remember his father or another family member might walk back into his life someday and you'll have to be prepared for that.

 

[Yahweh]

I have 3 sisters, all of whom I refer to as "Sister Yahweh".

My twin sister and Other Sister Yahweh are "caucasian", there is nothing known about our family history beyond that. We dont know if there is any part of out family which comes from Ireland, Poland, England, or anything of the such.

The oldest Sister Yahweh is bi-racial. She has a different dad. Before Momma Yahweh met my dad, she became pregant with my sister by a black man (who we know nothing about aside from the fact that he just up and disappeared). While Momma Yahweh was pregnant, she met Pa Yahweh while in the military. Pa Yahweh was present at Oldest Sister Yahweh's birth, he legally adopted her. Two Years later, Momma Yahweh would have me and my other 2 sisters. I do not see Oldest Sister Yahweh as my "half-sister", I've known her all my life and she is in fact my sister.

Momma Yahweh told Oldest Sister Yahweh of her actual biological father very early in life, that seems to be the best road to take. The earlier the news can be cleared out of the way, the better.

Most people are surprised to find out me and Oldest Sister Yahweh are related. Most people seem to mistake Oldest Sister Yahweh as hispanic.

There have only been very few incidents where Oldest Sister Yahweh has recieved any malice for the way she looks. In fact, the single instance which stands out in my mind was a racist neighbor who would routinely call the cops if "any n*gger babies stepped on her lawn". That event occurred while the family and me were living in a South Carolina trailor park.

Oldest Sister Yahweh now has a baby. The baby's father, who I will call Cuñao, is Latino. Oldest Sister Yahweh's baby is therefore 25% white, 25% black, 50% hispanic. There are lots of pictures of Sister Yahweh, Cuñao, Sister Yahweh's baby together. I believe it was in November, but Cuñao eventually went back to Mexico for temporary time until he could become a legal citizen of the US.

[/LifeStory]

 

[Virgil]

I've always prefered the term "Human" to describe these situations


Virgil

 

[Chaos]

I've always prefered the term "Human" to describe these situations


Virgil

Amen.

 

[kittynh]

what is a big deal is that they haven't told the child that he has a different father. Race isn't much of an issue. I do remember an interview with Halle Berry. Her mom is white, and her mom told her that white people were going to consider her black. I recently saw the movie, "Barbershop 2" with Pool Boy and there was a funny scene about how whites and blacks view mixed race people. Cedric insisted that Mike Tyson was "part Cherokee" which explained why he was so crazy.

My nephew is bi-racial, and my neice fully Asian (she was adopted). Pool Boy and I have a dream of one of the kittens marrying an African American and having the really good looking grandchildren we want. Kitten2 is totally hot for the black guy riding the motorcyle in Brittneys "toxic" video. He's very very good father material in my opinion...

Now, that's this generation. But the all time best thing about one of the kittens marrying out of the "white" race besides good looking kids, is that it will finally kill off all the old bigots in the family!

 

[rachaella]

what is a big deal is that they haven't told the child that he has a different father. Race isn't much of an issue. I do remember an interview with Halle Berry. Her mom is white, and her mom told her that white people were going to consider her black. I recently saw the movie, "Barbershop 2" with Pool Boy and there was a funny scene about how whites and blacks view mixed race people. Cedric insisted that Mike Tyson was "part Cherokee" which explained why he was so crazy.

I agree that the biggest deal is that he hasn't been told that he has a different dad, but I think that something should be done like you mentioned with Halle Berry.

 

[Jas]

I've always thought that bi-racial children/and adults are so beautiful. They always have such lovely features.

 

[belinda]

I can't believe on a skeptic's forum someone hasn't brought up that biologically, (most) biologists are now saying there is no such thing as race. Take one of my best friends (who happens to be aborigine) - if someone from the US looked at him, they would think he would be more closely related to Africans - but the fact is genetically he is more similar to Asians than he is to Africans. Shows how much you can tell about someone's "race" by just looking. Sorry to harp but "race" just annoys the living daylights out of me.

As for the boy - I agree with the others, the problem is not the colour of his or his (biological) father's skin, it's the fact that he has yet to be told that the person he thinks is his father isn't. Then again, what's the statistic (lie)....10% of children have fathers (who believe they are the father ) who in fact are not the biological father?

 

[rachaella]

I can't believe on a skeptic's forum someone hasn't brought up that biologically, (most) biologists are now saying there is no such thing as race. Take one of my best friends (who happens to be aborigine) - if someone from the US looked at him, they would think he would be more closely related to Africans - but the fact is genetically he is more similar to Asians than he is to Africans. Shows how much you can tell about someone's "race" by just looking. Sorry to harp but "race" just annoys the living daylights out of me.

As for the boy - I agree with the others, the problem is not the colour of his or his (biological) father's skin, it's the fact that he has yet to be told that the person he thinks is his father isn't. Then again, what's the statistic (lie)....10% of children have fathers (who believe they are the father ) who in fact are not the biological father?

Yes, I fully agree that race probably is only a social construct. I have argued quite passionately that it doesn't exist at all and is essentially just part of the natural variation among humans, as significant as the differences in eye color. However, sadly, current American culture has not quite caught up with science. And this is the culture that this boy is growing up in, a culture where race, although ideally I think would be insignificant, is significant. So yes, I agree that race shouldn't even be an issue. However, for the culture this boy has to live in, it is. He's already been puzzled by the fact that other black children have called him "nigga", and I think that at some point he should probably be given an explanation. Just telling him that he's not just a "tan white person" does not make race an important issue, it's facing reality, as ugly as reality may be.

 

[belinda]

Rachaella, I'm sorry if you thought I was raving at you...I wasn't I guess it was just at the world in general.

I agree with you that it is sad that this is the current situation - we have a similar problem here in Oz - except here it is the Aboriginies and not people of African descent. I remember a while ago a book called "The Fringe Dwellers" was really big - basically it explored what you are talking about - how kids with both Aboriginie and white heritage were rejected by both racial groupings. It's just a pity that we haven't advanced any further since then.

Just on something you said.....you said the black kids call him "ni**er" (which I thought was some horrendous insult in America anyway ) do white kids also pick up on the fact ? And what does he say when this happens ?

 

[rachaella]

Just on something you said.....you said the black kids call him "ni**er" (which I thought was some horrendous insult in America anyway ) do white kids also pick up on the fact ? And what does he say when this happens ?

He says "I'm not black. I'm just really tan". He realizes he's different, he just thinks he's really tan. I'm not sure what the response he gets from this is though, but apparently nothing to convince him differently yet. The parents maintain they'll tell him, but I think time is ticking. I think if they wait too long to tell him the whole thing, ie the different dad who happened to be black, the more he's going to be bitter.

 

[Donnie]

Yes, I think he should be told he has a different dad. I think that the fact that he is black is just one way that this issue will eventually come to a head if it dawns on him that the person he calls dad is, in all probability, not his dad. I think he's going to resent his mom for keeping it from him, and probably the man who he thinks is his biological father.

True, well said. This most potent if as a rebellious mixed up teenager he finds out the man he knows as his father is not biologically his father, this would be explosive. Believe me.

The options remain the same though, do you try to get away with it for ever, or let them know now?
You take a risk either way.

The race thing shouldn't be an issue, but in many societies it is, which is sad.

All the best, hope it works out well for all.

Cheers.

 

[Kilted_Canuck]

Just on something you said.....you said the black kids call him "ni**er" (which I thought was some horrendous insult in America anyway ) do white kids also pick up on the fact ? And what does he say when this happens ?

Well, the word 'ni**er' has new complex usages, ever since hip hop and urban culture has become mainstream. Hip hop artists use it all the time, but only in reference to other 'black' people. Should a non-black person use it, it is considered a dirty and vulgar insult, but the Urban culture has taken what was once an insult and turned it into a sign of fraternity.

 

[Outcast]

Well, the word 'ni**er' has new complex usages, ever since hip hop and urban culture has become mainstream. Hip hop artists use it all the time, but only in reference to other 'black' people. Should a non-black person use it, it is considered a dirty and vulgar insult, but the Urban culture has taken what was once an insult and turned it into a sign of fraternity.

Correction Blacks have your using that term in a fraternal manner for decades. That usage is nothing new.