April Stundie Finals

[Travis]

No fooling!

So here was the winner from March where efficiency in space travel made a huge leap.....forward?

"When you consider the billions of light years a race would have to potentially travel, it could take 400 years just to travel a million light years even while going the speed of light. That is hardly an efficient manner."

Awesomeness. Here's your trophy!

So now the finalists for the 28th annual Stundie Awards for April, 2011.

1) Ah yes, free reign to be as crazy as I want to be.

We are endlessly inundated with depictions and portrayals of the various models of dysfunction and pathology of the human psyche; normalizing deviancy and destroying standards that were once commonly accepted values…all to program our minds to make us much more susceptible to their marketing propaganda to manipulate our behavior for their lucrative schemes.

So take the red pill. Set your mind free. Accept nothing at face value.

Not from the Government, nor from the mainstream mass media.

Always question authority…perhaps not openly — as that could be hazardous to your personal well-being — but at least always in your own mind.

****
2) I'm not sure if this writer intended for this to be a checklist for what Apollo Hoaxers don't know but it sure worked out that way.

Brief recap of the elementary physics denials of the deep space hoaxsters:

1) x-rays flow like water from a kitchen faucet

2) air conditioning is possible in a vacuum

3) stars are no brighter in space than they are when viewed through miles of terrestrial atmosphere

4) people on earth would not be able to see an atomic explosion on the lunar surface from earth with a cheap telescope

5) astronauts training for a lunar excusion in temperatures exceeding 200 degrees dont need to train in boiling water

6) geostationary cannot be mimicked using networked high speed switching low earth orbit satellites

7) honest governments would tell us the truth when discovering all flights beyond the upper atmosphere are impossible

8) Radio and telemetry waves leaving earth would not be shredded to pieces by the intense microwave fields of the earths' magnetosphere in the vacuum of deep space

9) what lies beyond the earths' magnetosphere is no worst than 15 minutes exposure to a tanning bed

10) man can be locked up in a cramped capsule and placed in orbit for 14 days in weightlessness then negotiate with skill and precision the steep steps of the recovery helicopter and proceed to march across the deck of the recovery vessel like a seasoned athlete moments after re-entry and splashdown

****
3) Or.........an investigation that gives the answers I want.

I don't claim to be an expert and, unlike you I don't claim to have the answers. I want an official investigation that gives answers i can trust.

****
4) Wrong, the tsunami happened. The earthquake was staged to explain it. An explanation for how the tsunami happened awaits a new mescaline shipment to spur creative juices.

The earthquake happened. It was generated by HAARP. The tsunami did not happen. It was STAGED.

****
5) I will now freeze time by smashing my wrist watch to smithereens. Wrist Watch Time Control God Machine patent is pending.

The snow is melting faster because of daylight savings time. There is the same amount of sunlight, but the extra hour of afternoon sun is warmer than the hour of morning sun. Go back to standard time and the melting will slow down and less flooding. Problem solved.

****
6) Yes, my dad often goes on about how dim the sun was when he was young. He yearns for those lost solar illumination challenged days.

But I damn well won't be looking towards the sun anytime soon. It's become simply too bright for nothing unusual to be going on.

****
7) How dare us to use "reason and "science" to think we know things. I liked my dart board of indecision so much better.

Sorry to leave on such a negative note, but I will not disown my core beliefs that I have always had and will not accept the explanation that things just "happen" just because you guys say they are not true and claim to have all the "real evidence." Use your "reason" and "science" on other people and continue thinking amongst yourselves that you know better than the rest of us. Best of luck to all.

****
8) I know I don't really get this time cube stuff but does it allow 2003 to come before 2001?

The terrorists were covertly recruited. Odd also that as soon as the twin towers were hit we went into Iraq & later Afghanistan searching for a guy who is in all likelihood dead. Odd you know more about aviation than Field Mc Connell.

****
9) In order to believe in two stupid things you have to believe in one first.

If you want to walk 10 feet you have to walk 5 feet first. Before you can walk 5 feet you have to walk 2.5 feet first. Before you can walk 2.5 feet you have to walk 1.25 feet first.

and so on.

Before you move 1 inch to have to move .5 inch first. And then .25 inch.

and so on.

before you move 1 micron you have to move .5 micron first.

whatever distance you move you have to move half that distance first.

Forever. Think of the smallest distance you can half it. It's infinite. And you can't move through an infinite number of spaces in a finite time. Therefore all movement is impossible. Therefore the physical world cant exist.

you cant deny that

you just cant

****
10) Hitler was corrupted so he wouldn't do the most evil thing in history.

If you watch the documentary "Hitler's search for the Holy Grail" it shows there Hitler was very spiritual and a huge fan of psychics as he used them regularly.

I'm a huge fan. I think he was enlightened, however he got corrupted by the elite. And no, i don't believe the holocaust happened.

****
11) Yes, they got cancer after they died back then. That's how much the good olde days sucked.

Cancer was rare 100 years ago. Some people claim this is solely because people died before they got it – this is rubbish.

****
12) No, don't bother preparing. You really can't survive infinitely crazy stupid.

If what the youtube guy is saying is true then we only have until this September. He is saying the planet Nemesis/Niburu is between Earth and the Sun at this moment right now. And when it get here most of Europe and America will be gone due to the tidal waves and the pole shift. He mentioned the Swiss Alps, but beyond that not much else.

Should we even bother preparing to survive?

****
13) So the existence of an allegation that something exists proves it exists! Dragons are real! So is Cthulhu! Frodo lives!

To not believe in God necessitates that you do believe in the existence of God.
What you are expressing is a choice; believe in God or not believe in God.

Whichever choice you make, both are premised on the existence of God.

****
14) The point........you totally missed it.

Trying to pull a Goebbles there?

Godwin's LawWP

No, I actually meant Goebbels. I didn't misspell anything.

****
15) It is disconcerting to note that the atmosphere of Earth has been reclassified as a controlled kiln. I blame the Global Warming.

Extracting sulfur dioxide from drywall requires a very specific set of conditions including an atmosphere containing nitrogen. These conditions are only attainable in a kiln where the atmosphere is controlled.

****
16) This was definitely a swoop that "failed." I read about it in some book I can't remember.

It is simply false science to believe evolution CREATED life.

Evolution EVOLVES life… tinkers, breaks, re-tools, retrofits, expands, contracts, re-directs… but it cannot create it.

And now… with the physics I have learned, there is a valid argument for the “big bang” theory and life having been created IN ONE FAIL SWOOP.

The zero-point wave theory… the fundamental harmonic of the universe. A wave of “determined length” that determines ALL HARMONICS of interference MATTER that come from it… i.e. all of life.

I wish I had that book to quote from…. I fully confess I am not a geneticist nor biologist so I am just running at my mouth here in trying to remember what I read.

****
17) If only there was a study of physical motion called "physics" that could determine if this was true or not. Because I'm kinda thinking mass does have something to do with the equation for kinetic energy (mv2/2) considering I'm pretty sure they didn't put that little "m" in there just for looks.

That is BULLSH#!!!

Just because the mass increases does not mean the momentum or kinetic energy increase.

****
18) Ah, so it was (b) and does this song sound groovy. Too bad I had to sell my "sole" to get it.

Of course not. One must remember though that in WWII the losers got soul possession of the atrocities.

Is "soul possession" (a) the state of a celebrant in a vodou rite, (b) a Jimi Hendrix song, (c) the theme of the old movie "The Exorcist," or (d) an explanation for the ridiculous posts from *****?

Way over your head. The spelling was correct for my intent.

****
19) I guess it's a good thing all I need is $20,000,000 and a sexy redheaded sidekick. Everyone else is welcome to the thousand or so dollars and ugly women I don't need.

Now whats wrong with being a thief? well there are two kinds of theives good one and bad ones. Whats the diference? A bad thief hurt people and lie to people to get what they want. A good theif just takes what he needs and leaves the rest or gives the rest to those in need.

****
20) Considering he died in 2003 it would appear that Obama was birthed by a psychic doctor with gender switching abilities!

Very quickly, Pamela, this doctor right here, the guy who signed it four days after the birth. He passed away, but his wife today, TMZ had his wife saying I had no idea.

She didn't know about it. His son said I had no idea. It came as a complete shock to him as well. If you gave birth to the president of the United States, don't you think your family would know about it?

Well that's it folks. Vote early and often for your favorites. And get some comments in. I love to read your reactions.

 

[brazenlilraisin]

Poll please...?

 

[Travis]

Hey, it takes a little while to write the poll out.

 

[Klimax]

Craziness...

 

[Firestone]

5 and 20.

 

[000063]

I honestly can't choose between 4 and 9.

Also, I honestly don't know how I lived before I knew the Stundie nominations existed.

Welp, time to skive off homework by going through the archives.

 

[Grassy Knowlington]

For me 8 because it is an error that shows ignorance and cannot be intepreted in any other way and 13 because of the 'logic' used.

 

[triforcharity]

YAY!! One of my noms made the finals!! WOOT!! (It most likely won't win, but that's ok. )

 

[mysteronyx]

At first, I was going to say 7 and 9. But then, it kept getting worse and worse...

They're all hilariously bad.

 

[8den]

5 is.....5 is......

5 is simply breathtaking stupid....

 

[Rich_C]

5 is epic. An all time great.

I voted for 13 too. I love that one.

 

[jargon buster]

I have voted for 5 , but something tells me it was a joke, it reads like something from a Viz "top tip"
http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/top-stories/2006/02/06/viz-best-ever-top-tips-115875-16670828/

 

[Mel Odious]

I thought #15 was going to be a real contender this month. I'm surprised it hasn't gotten more votes.

 

[solzhenitsyn]

These threads are so enjoyable. Thanks so much to everyone who contributed. I voted for 13 incidentally.

 

[dudalb]

I have to go with 5.but honorable mention to 1 for using the most overused meme in the conspiracy community...the "Matrix Red Pill" one.

 

[Laton]

All good but #5 is too good to pass up.

 

[Travis]

These threads are so enjoyable. Thanks so much to everyone who contributed. I voted for 13 incidentally.

Ah thanks.

 

[Agatha]

They all deserve votes, so much stupid in one month!

I went for 5, 17 and 20.

 

[JAStewart]

Goodness, #5 is just fantastic.

 

[CompusMentus]

5 my fave too but I also voted for 11, 13, 15 as well.

Ditto on the good work Travis you're doing a fine job mate :-]

Compus