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Americans for purity....

Masturbation brought down the WTC? What the hell? I didn't hear mention of that in the 9/11 Commission report! It's a government cover-up, I tell you. Get your hands out of your pants or we may lose the Sears Tower!
 
Tailgater said:
Read the hate mail. I'm only halfway through it and I'm crying.
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Thanks for the recommendation. The 1st one got me:
We did not make that up. That was an actual e-mail received from a reader of this site, who is obviously in the tragic final stages of Masturbation-Induced Dementia. How could anyone read that and honestly deny that Masturbation is a serious menace? And how could we at AFP, in good conscience, fail to warn as many people as possible about that menace?
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:D

I'm sorry, but the quote was just a bit over the top for this forum. If you wish to read the comment, it is here.
Replying to this modbox in thread will be off topic  Posted By: Lisa Simpson
 
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SSRIs didn't cure me... well the depression went away, admittedly. But it would be a failure in these peoples' minds.
 
I especially liked this part:


Myth: There are bigger problems than Masturbation, like drugs and AIDS.

Reality: Experts estimate that there are at least 150,000 Americans masturbating RIGHT NOW! Masturbation costs American businesses at least $3.14 billion in lost productivity every month!

I wonder where he got that figure? And do masturbaters really cost 3.14 billion in lost productivity every month? I wonder if they've calculated how much it costs those corporations as far as lotion dispensers in office restrooms goes? ;)
 
Well it must be a parody:


10) Ban Dihydrogen Monoxide! Read about the huge Conspiracy to put this insidious substance in everything we eat and drink!
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This may be my favorite part of their FAQ

8) How will a ban on Masturbation be enforced?

Strictly! Among other tactics, we plan to:

* Place random Masturbation-checkpoint roadblocks in America's cities where motorists will be stopped and their cars searched for signs of Masturbation by police with finger-sniffing dogs.
* Add the phrase "Masturbation-Free" to the Pledge of Allegiance and require everyone to recite this and other Loyalty oaths when buying food or receiving health care.
* Create Masturbation-Free zones around schools. As harsh as the punishment for Masturbation will be, we'll double it if the Offense occurs within 1000 feet of a school.
* Make anti-Masturbation research a huge priority. The thousands of scientists and engineers who now waste their time on trivial matters like Baldness and cosmology should be permanently diverted to developing an effective Anti-Masturbation plan and a space-based Missile shield.
* Create a National Secret Police Force to investigate incidents of Masturbation, terrorism, Flag-burning and hippie drum circles.

If this isn't a spoof (and I'm reasonably sure it is), it should be!
 
Mephisto said:
I especially liked this part:


Myth: There are bigger problems than Masturbation, like drugs and AIDS.

Reality: Experts estimate that there are at least 150,000 Americans masturbating RIGHT NOW! Masturbation costs American businesses at least $3.14 billion in lost productivity every month!
Click to expand...


stupid1! i was going 2 rspond but too hrd to tipe w one hand

giv me 3 minets ok?
 
Yeah, really, it's an obvious parody. If it rubs you the wrong way, remember, he's just yanking you around. So if you want to choke his chicken, get a grip on yourself, and relax, don't do it. Go polish your helmet, or shine your bayonet.
 
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