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Acoustic Phrenotherapy

Dorfl

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Jun 19, 2005
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I'm currently taking a course in basic medicine in high school. We recently got the assignment of studying some branch of alternative medicine.
So I and a friend decided that we would invent a new type of CAM. We would then post descriptions of it at various woo forums, and attempt to get people to actually try it. If we got any followers, or just people claiming it worked for them, we could then use it to demonstrate how easy quackery is to get away with.
Our new therapy is still very much on the drawing board, but we have decided on some basic ideas. It will have to be simple enough to try at home, so we'd have some chance of people actually trying it. It will have to be obviously useless, and still "plausible" enough that some people will attempt it. And it will have to be harmless, since it wouldn't be fun otherwise.

So does anyone have any suggestions on how we should do this? Things we should think of, fallacies that tend to be effective, suitable altmed forums or just observations. Or does it seem like a stupid idea altogether?
 
Dorfl, take a look at: http://quackwatch.org/

Especially the pages under "General Observations"--I think these'll give you some good general characteristics of CAM scams and how they work.

I'd recommend something that you can test but not easily control by placebo (as with acupuncture or hypnotherapy). That way you can run some simple tests and make much of any difference between a control and test group. It helps if the effect you measure is subjective (like pain relief).

Make the mumbo jumbo sound plausible (but there seems to be no limit to what is plausible to the people who go for these things). A bogus history of the idea (ancient Eastern tradition, for example), sounds better than just the modern-day "quantum" stuff. Actually, a blending of the two is probably better. ("Scientists in Sweden have studied ancient techniques of Crap-Shui and determined that they work based on a fluctuation in negative ions. .") If there's any way to select believers in CAM as test subjects, you'll get a big boost.
 
Thanks! Quackwatch looks like it might really help.

I'm not sure if we'll be able to do actual "tests" of our new therapy, since it's a pretty small assignment. But who knows? Next year we are supposed to do some kind of major project, and if this really gets converts I suppose we could use it then.

Make the mumbo jumbo sound plausible (but there seems to be no limit to what is plausible to the people who go for these things). A bogus history of the idea (ancient Eastern tradition, for example), sounds better than just the modern-day "quantum" stuff. Actually, a blending of the two is probably better. ("Scientists in Sweden have studied ancient techniques of Crap-Shui and determined that they work based on a fluctuation in negative ions. .")
Click to expand...

Yea. I was planning to spend part of the week surfing various woo forums, to pick up the right vocabulary.
 
"Acoustic Phrenotherapy" actually sounds pretty good.
A therapy for improving your health using the venerable "science" of phrenology.

All you need is some soothing music and some earphones. Hold the earphone on the spot marked "concentrativeness" on this diagram to improve your concentration. Other health effects as indicated by the chart.

The effectiveness can be dependent upon the type of music used, the volume, type of earphones used.
 
<Snort> Yeh. I choose "acoustic" since inventing a sound based therapy probably won't require much equipment, like the one you described. And phrenotherapy is such a nice almost-a-word...
 
If you want to write how well your CAM worked, i would gladly do so. I will be a "patient". Just PM me.
 
MortFurd said:
"Acoustic Phrenotherapy" actually sounds pretty good.
A therapy for improving your health using the venerable "science" of phrenology.

All you need is some soothing music and some earphones. Hold the earphone on the spot marked "concentrativeness" on this diagram to improve your concentration. Other health effects as indicated by the chart.

The effectiveness can be dependent upon the type of music used, the volume, type of earphones used.
Click to expand...

I wouldn't use music - I'd record a 'quantumly tuned persussive beat' that they have to 'buy' (offer free samples for a limited time). If you do use regular music - offer the clips on your website. They've had the 'quantum harmonics' 'potentized' and are normally $9.99 each.

Remember - it's not real quackery unless there's quantum; and somebody should really be making money from it.
 
vIQleS said:
I wouldn't use music - I'd record a 'quantumly tuned persussive beat' that they have to 'buy' (offer free samples for a limited time). If you do use regular music - offer the clips on your website. They've had the 'quantum harmonics' 'potentized' and are normally $9.99 each.

Remember - it's not real quackery unless there's quantum; and somebody should really be making money from it.
Click to expand...
I would like to become a practioner of quantum Phrenotherapy. How can I make money?
 
Also, Make sure you have a skeptic thread debunking it. Because you can allude to a CT that the medical establishment is trying to squash the therapy because of the decreases in revenue from people becoming healthier.

And don't forget to add that you can detoxify with it and that it is fully compatible with all other therapies.
 
And be sure to mention subsonics, harmony, and maybe the medieval idea of "the music of the spheres".

A little bit of audiophile woo wouldn't hurt--like unidirectional speaker wires and that sort of thing.

Be sure to add in just a touch of legit info--maybe on bone conduction of sound, and be sure to use the real anatomical terms for the bones of the face and cranium.
 
Can I suggest you make the audio sub-sub-sonic? So low that it cannot be heard by the human ear? However can certainly be recorded on CDs, etc, and played back via headphones and bud earphones, etc. That they sound just like a blank CD is totally misleading and wrong! No sir! VERY wrong! It's all subsonic audio quantum...stuff.

Then you can get all the bad-burn CDs around the place that have nothing on them, label them with pretty labels in an ink-jet printer for cents apiece, put them in cheap CD cases (with rainbow or "astral" coversheets!), and sell them for $20 or more a pop.

Oh, and make sure the liner notes have all the woo wording advised above. PLUS make sure nothing specific is promised. It's all "may improve...", and "was known by the ancient Chinese to help...", and "...as tested by scientists!". That is, complete BS.

Remember! It's not woo unless you are making a BOATLOAD of ill-gotten cash out of it from suckers!
 
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We're on to something.

Acoustic Phrenotherapy was first developed by Nikola Tesla. By creating a resonating frequency with sound, you can stimulate the portions of the brain that regulate your well being and health. Similar to homeopathic remedies, the resonating tones stimulate a crystallization effect on the quantum cellular level.

This process happens naturally. It's why music can make people feel happy or sad. It's why hospitals recommend the playing of music to help patients. Our advanced computer models have allowed us to find the perfect combination of sound and rhythms to tune your mind to the resonating fields.
 
And Obviously, you won't be able to tap the true power of the cd's with ordinary headphones. If people want to truly take advantage of the sub-sub-sonic audios bone conduction properties, you must purchase my specially designed, quantum wave guide acoustic conduction unit. It is perfectly aligned over the meridian that surround your cranium and from ear to ear.

Don't be fooled by the fact that it looks like an old, 70s style headphone, this one uses magnets which help guide the sub-sub sonics into your chakra.


ETA: Priced currently at $149.99
 
Gee, thanks everyone! :)

We might even have to put different versions of AP-therapy on different forums, just so we can try out all the funniest ideas.
 
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Dolphins! Don't forget the dolphins! New age wackos love dolphins.

Recordings of ultra-high frequency dolphin songs applied to acoustipressure points on the cranium will increase quantum cellular vibrations through the chakras for optimum well-being.

:rolleyes:
 
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